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Thread: Marooned

  1. #1
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Marooned


    Marooned
    A story of usurp and betrayal

    The First Mate

    I’ve been here so long I’ve forgotten my name
    The sun is melting away my once ample brain,
    I am marooned I am deranged, so damn estranged
    And I know not the direction from whence I came
    Stuck here on a land – untamed – it’s a shame
    My captain left me here for my betrayal,
    But I’m not the one to blame – I’ve a twisted tale to tell
    All was going well – amidst the crew…
    The captain bedded a gypsy woman and trouble did ensue
    She worked her ill voodoo and I was the target of the hoodoo
    My captain and my best friend, mindlessly betrayed our bond
    Leaving me with no water or food and sailed across the pond
    I am stuck somewhere west of the Indies
    With nothing but sorrows aplenty
    To keep me company, I feel sanity tumbling downward
    With each passing hour
    He’s still out there my captain, unwise to the fact
    That the first chance the gypsy gets she’ll stab him in the back

    The Captain

    Long gone is the friendship I thought I knew
    I had to end it, it was best for my wellness and my crew
    My first mate, my best friend since an upstart age
    Cursed with anger saying that my woman behaved
    Like a succubus, his lies of envy piqued my rage
    He walked the plank that day for spreading mistruths
    It saddened and killed the last bit of my youth
    Left in my savage heart but it was best he did depart
    Lest he come in between the life I just began to carve
    For my future bride and I, before he was marooned
    I asked him why? Would he allow wanting thoughts of my boon
    To come between a love as deep as the many seas we sailed
    He again cursed me to hell for not believing and not seeing
    Things as he saw, I’ll miss him but the crew must be taught
    To stay the course of their captain
    No one man is above the orders I place into action
    And besides my future bride would never cast betrayal
    Never once thought of doing me wrong or set eye upon another male…

    The Gyspy

    The captain musn’t know his first mate was right all along
    I plan to slit the captains throat by night as his crew sings the songs
    Of a shore he will never see, treasure he will never reach
    The fault is his own, he should have paid better heed
    As his best friend and first mate beseech of my loyalty
    The only person I am loyal to is me, the gypsy queen
    Ready now to exploit riches unseen by the likes of me
    The map to El Dorado is mine given after much sex and little time
    He was easily put under spell by my grind
    My curves corrupted his mind…
    Into the void of blue sea his body followed
    His heart hollowed He’ll never seen another bright morrow
    His last thoughts were misplaced trust and cursing my soul to ruin and doom
    Just like the first mate who warned him, in a way the captain was now marooned

    The END

    AI

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  2. #2
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    Non reading fucks

    AI

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  3. #3
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    lol lol lol that's hilarious lol.
    I haven't read it yet, I just read your comment.

  4. #4
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    just seen ur link, i'll come back to this in bout half hour, just got a couple things to do first
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  5. #5
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    50 views and 0 feed makes truth a dull boy!!!!

    AI

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    FOH MsPush's Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    This story is fucking sad! Why did the gypsy have to kill the captain for?? I could vision it tho. The first mate stuck in the West Indies... The crew singing about the shore the captain will never see. Nice nice but still sad. Fuck being marooned. Nice read

  7. #7
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    Much thanks Push, i hope we have no hard feelings i say some wild shit when i'm bored

    AI

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  8. #8
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    Re: Marooned

    See!!!! Why the gypsy HAD to be evil and his boy HAD to be right... In my experience best friends (on either side) hate to see their friend shared. Of course they question motive but what I never understood is USUALLY BOTH parties are just team B. I say that because what I really liked about your piece was the A, B, C, side of every story (usually = yours, his, the truth) in this piece the truth was hard to digest... I don't know why I was hoping the mate was wrong!!! LoL

    That's all the feedback I can give because as far as form, grammaticism, and structure - you're way more the expert then I.

    Nice read!!!

  9. #9
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    Gracias @CLA919 I wanted someone to do the other two parts after The First Mate but i like how it turned out

    AI

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  10. #10
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    Re: Marooned

    Denada

  11. #11
    FOH MsPush's Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    Quote Originally Posted by Truth Iscariot View Post
    Much thanks Push, i hope we have no hard feelings i say some wild shit when i'm bored
    No hard feelings.. I say cray shit when I'm bored also. Never take me serious.

  12. #12
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: Marooned

    Truth, I think you did this justice by writing it all on your own.
    Not that it wouldn't have been good if you had written it with others, I just like the way the style stays the same throughout.
    I thought the storyline was really good, very interesting. But what really impressed me was your ability to be in character till the last bit of their part. Even writing from a woman's perspective. That actually shows how good a writer you are. To be able to write from the point of view of the opposite sex, and get away with it, is risky, but you did so dam well with her piece. Silly selfish bitch. She got it all in the end. And the Captain didn't see it coming. I got a bit annoyed with her, lol. Good writing.
    This is vintage atmosphere, happening in this drop. The old fashioned wording helps that allure.
    It had an authentic air about it, and it was refreshing to read a piece not like any other I've read so far.
    Great lines throughout but I really liked this one...

    "He walked the plank that day for spreading mistruths
    It saddened and killed the last bit of my youth"


    As usual, a pleasure to read your work Truth.

    Great Read
    Last edited by Emily; April 30th, 2014 at 02:12 AM

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    Re: Marooned

    Bro, I actually read this thrice, but guess what always stopped me? Assassins Creed: Black Flag. It makes sense to me right now and its good as far as story line. Writing could have been better, msg landed, tho.

    You're a subpar writer and that opinion is available for change depending upon whether or not me or a member of my crew is included in the Let Me Turn You Out Remix.

    I actually read all your drops..#stan

  14. #14
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    Re: Marooned

    Bro, I actually read this thrice, but guess what always stopped me? Assassins Creed: Black Flag. It makes sense to me right now and its good as far as story line. Writing could have been better, msg landed, tho.

    You're a subpar writer and that opinion is available for change depending upon whether or not me or a member of my crew is included in the Let Me Turn You Out Remix.

    I actually read all your drops..#stan

  15. #15
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    Re: Marooned

    @Emilyinthepool

    Ive not written in a while. Collab? Hitler and his wife, down to the last second.

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