Short Love Story

[Wordz AhGod.]

famished, disorientation from the shortly abbrasive language
normally Im patient but the morning is faced with anguish
damaged.. irreperable, seperation anxiety
from a society that glares unviably, I waver silently

"I dream of flying out into the sky light from the fourth floor,
but Im held down not by gravity, but the monster under the floor board"

Im more sore from the weeping and less from the beatings
Daddy was a rolling stone who would likely stone me while Im sleeping
raised faulty, his hate calls me.. my blood tastes salty
after his hand is raised broadly through the air and desolves me

crawling.. barely alive.. he stares me in the eyes as Im falling
a legacy sprawling, gasping for air knowing he'll be here in the morning.



Links
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...rip-*New-Shit*
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...5296-Lightwork

[OG Maestro]

This was a nice piece here. Short and cool.

Rhythm 7/10 Flowed iight

Rhymes 7/10 Average multis

Emotion 6/10

Storytelling 6/10 Story was okay, a bit hazy

Signifying 6.5/10

Creativity 6/10

For a short piece such as this, my personal score isn't too bad.
Thanks for sharing this with the OM fam.

Professor Frost stamps this OM with the third ProFro Official Review.

38.5/60

[OG Maestro]

@Wordz AhGod.

Feed the children my nigga

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Velvet-Fortune

[Wordz AhGod.]

^thats a lot of fucking reading smh.. I cut this dumb short on purpose to avoid that haha but aight.

[makengknowcentz]

i cant agree with frost wordage and wordplay with multis on this are very strong
'the vocan and using a multi with advance vocabulary isnt easy here i see fluidity in just that
certain places had simplicity but if you look its to express the idea and convey emphasis
i liked this perfect def not average no way its above

[OG Maestro]

i cant agree with frost wordage and wordplay with multis on this are very strong
'the vocan and using a multi with advance vocabulary isnt easy here i see fluidity in just that
certain places had simplicity but if you look its to express the idea and convey emphasis
i liked this perfect def not average no way its above

No argument but I'll say this.
Part of my grading is judged on length. The longer you can perform at the quality that you did, the better.
Think of Wordz' wife, a pig, telling him he had very strong content and advanced blablabla. But he only lasted 1 minute.
That's weak sauce.
The greatest MCs can rhyme for days, so the shorter you rhyme I'll have to judge my critically.
But to each his own and I respect your view on this.

Either way this was a good read.

[Wordz AhGod.]

its understandable.. I really just wanted to put something down that I could point to when I tell someone to step they multies scheme game up.. didn't mean to write something for the feedback lol. though its always appreciated genital men.

[OG Maestro]

its understandable.. I really just wanted to put something down that I could point to when I tell someone to step they multies scheme game up.. didn't mean to write something for the feedback lol. though its always appreciated genital men.

You ain't right...