This Hearse....

[143]

I smile once...and it hurts...
A little tike I was like but with a weird growth spurt
It was in church and I was looking at a hearse with rims
Playing with the spokes, poking the break dust from the brim
Noticing the trim and how it blend with the shiny black gloss
And the back seat toss your head so in the tint, your lost
Even the defroster running, it was hot, was lobstering about
My wonderment into this vehicle had willed a fostered shout
"Get away from the car!"...and I would play deaf....
Stagnant like the dirt on the latex bottom of the side door
The driver laid a hexing grip to shift me way left
But my growth spurt provided leverage, I stood tall....
I stood tall because in the deepest corners reside the truth
Making the roof of my mouth trigger salivation glands to produce

The proof that God wasn't a brute who cast disease on the loved and take their soul and test them to satisfy his glory
And prove his stories in the Bible weren't fables and he was able to do all the sleazy things written and make life simple and boring.......

But it was this car, the fifteen feet it represents...
From the solemn intent of safely carrying sentiments.....
A perfection from ingredients a soul made to comfort
And I was satisfied in its appeal and tastes it gave...
For my Grandfather lays in the back, this is his support
And my way to fulfill our pack that kindred spirits made
So I smile at the driver....With a pain grinning its teeth
He saw the torment...opened the door to the front seat..

[143]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post8500415
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post8500420

[makengknowcentz]

wow poetic lyrical ....flow the idea solid delivery was on point seriously i liked the read for a min i was on some cage shit the way it setup but was wrong inm assumption errie a bit though i like it

[Truth Iscariot]

Damn dude, I loved this, took my back to my grandma's funeral. The imagery was SPOT ON, the emotion was present throughout the entire piece. Those two stretched lines in the middle didn't even stand out bad, just seemed like you had a bit of anger to let out and did it quick and got over it, much like people do when they are mourning. The last verse was my favorite bit, that shit hit home for me. the bit about the hearse carrying sentiments is exactly how i feel about the whole funeral process. And the way you tied in the hearse drivers feeling of sorrow for you was dope as well. I really enjoyed this read bro, thank you.

[MsPush]

I could see this in my head lol defrost and all that. This was really good.

[143]

Thank you for the feed, something that I saw yesterday attending a funeral for a homegirl's grandfather. Her little brother was the character I was describing, he's 12 standing 6'3" and he wouldn't come in but stand outside next to this hearse. Heartbreaking...

[143]

up new feed

[English]

i really want to know what your first language is.

and if you say english i will be mortified.

here, at least, you weren't guilty of the heinous malapropisms i usually see you make pulled straight from a thesaurus. and i'd accept you were an english speaker on that rhyme dictionary steez if not for the arbitrary mistakes in your syntax, they're mystifying and lead me to believe you can't be a native english speaker. although i could be wrong.

anyway. great piece! i liked the way it didn't flow very well and the the fact the arrangement was horrible. made me enjoy it.

[Emily]

I enjoyed the imagery in this. The whole piece had an air about it, you know the air that looms at funerals.
It displayed itself in this piece of writing.
The descriptions were really nice...

"It was in church and I was looking at a hearse with rims
Playing with the spokes, poking the break dust from the brim
Noticing the trim and how it blend with the shiny black gloss
And the back seat toss your head so in the tint, your lost
Even the defroster running"

These details make it real, and I can see a little boy checking all this out.

This is beautiful...

"But it was this car, the fifteen feet it represents...
From the solemn intent of safely carrying sentiments.....
A perfection from ingredients a soul made to comfort
And I was satisfied in its appeal and tastes it gave...
For my Grandfather lays in the back"

That sent a shiver down my back.

Beautiful work Yi San Si.

Special, and sweet and unique.

Great Read.