Illustrious - The Trip *New Shit*

[Illustrious.]

THE TRIP

My mind is flowing and feeling golden, i'm easy going
I'm glowing with happiness and that only keeps on growing
I'm just hanging & planning on advancing my ranking
In my mind i hear chanting, the ambiance is enchanting
Feeling outstanding, dancing to the music, jamming
The sensations are granting because i'm high and I aint landing
But soon, i might find myself crashing and face planting
Now it's time to stay straight and embrace my commanding
Scanning the sky as my mind is in a trance, expanding
This magic is dazzling, i'm traveling in a zone that is mind baffling
No fastening, i'm a loose cannon and my thoughts i aint battling
My emotions are balancing, i know exactly whats happening
Maybe not, since i'm imagining that i'm in flight, which i'm practicing
My mind state is blackening and I'm babbling, thinking straight is challenging
I believe that reality is flashing back at me laughing and crackling
My brain is rattling, i'm taking off and is so fascinating
Every negative thought is evacuating, the feeling is captivating
Yet, my mind keeps calculating attempting to keep invalidating
I never knew that if you do this shit, this world could be activated
Fascinated, and every negative thought becomes assassinated
Drugs, i sure am one to be advocating, demonstrating and I'm not aggravated
Visions are animated and I've procrastinated so much my thoughts are saturated
Fucked up, but i calibrated my imagination to see shit that's fabricated
The drugs, i had to take it and This trip, i'm glad i made it.

[Illustrious.]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...to-my-new-song
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...9-Intermission

[Illustrious.]

Please feed this, will rtf on your drops.

[ARebeL]

how about you record a rap cause i see good vocab but dont understand how that would sound good and not corny on a song you went more then 8 lines on a fe of the same rhyme scheme .. i seen other people do that and it usely dont work to well on a real song but i would like to see it

[Illustrious.]

it's text, not made for audio. if it was made for audio, i would just record it and not put it in open mic. open mic is mainly for the purpose of delivering a verse with imagery, a story, showing off your writing skills...things of that nature. that's how you get your drops in the HOF because of the complexity and the message and enjoyment of the reader. A drop made for audio would never be able to possess the calibur of writing that elites would bring to this site. I've seen a lot of dope shit on this site throughout my 8+ years being on here. Take a look around and kind of get a feel on what i'm talking about. OM can be used for audio pieces, but ultimately this site is "text" based, strictly writing skills, not how it would sound if it was recorded.

[ARebeL]

haha then why is it called rap battles if its really poetry battles?

[Illustrious.]

haha then why is it called rap battles if its really poetry battles?

rap battles is the website because there are rap battles happening on the site..? & there are numerous other sections to this site as well, poetry, audio songs, Sacred Scriptures, Graphics, A Lounge, theres tons of rap based things to do on this site. i dont know where u came up with poetry battles since i never mentioned that. I was just stating that Open Mic is textual, not normally made for audio. Obviously you can write whatever you want, but i would never put a simple written audio piece on it because ur never going to get positive feed back unless it was absolutely so dope youd be a legend lol...

[Illustrious.]

sorry for the conversation, but i was tryna explain to the new guy about OM and the site a little bit. uppin for feed.

[ARebeL]

oh alright thanks

[Illustrious.]

bump

[Emily]

And this is the reason I love this site.
Because of writing like this.
That was music to my ears. I loved the flow of it.
The wording was awesome.
You stayed on topic and your confidence oozed.

That intro of :

“My mind is flowing and feeling golden, i'm easy going
I'm glowing with happiness and that only keeps on growing”

Check those internal rhymes sitting pretty.
I love vowels. I love it when they’re all slapped together like that.
Melodical madness.

See, then I look at a line like this:

“I'm just hanging & planning on advancing my ranking” ----- how can you not love this bar?

And because your words are so good, when you repeat yourself, for me, I’ve got you on surround.

So this bar:
“In my mind i hear chanting, the ambiance is enchanting” ---- I don’t just hear ‘chanting’ twice, but I hear it louder the second time.
Even if it is a bastard spin off of the word. It ends in the exact same way from the neck down.

But I loved the line after that:

“Feeling outstanding, dancing to the music, jamming” ---- You jam pack, a whole stack.

“The sensations are granting because i'm high and I aint landing” ------------ You're a natural.
Something that gives me a buzz, is when you can almost imagine it being said at the drop of a hat.
Not some stifled, pretend piece that tries to come off as Rock Solid but really just popped a little blue pill.
This is the real deal.

You are the real McCoy.

And this is a real McCoy bar:

“Now it's time to stay straight and embrace my commanding
Scanning the sky as my mind is in a trance, expanding” --- Nice imagery.

Favourite lines:

This magic is dazzling, i'm traveling in a zone that is mind baffling

My mind state is blackening and I'm babbling, thinking straight is challenging

I actually can’t do that. I was going to copy and paste the rest. But there are too many.
You have too many lines I like.

That last line rocks.

That was a buzz. That was a trip. That was a pleasure.

Illustrious, You got it.

Great read.

[Wordz AhGod.]

hmmm.. I started off liking the piece because the syllable counts were transitioning well.. I then became interested in what the plot was, which felt a bit basic due to the repeating suffix that you kept rhyming over and over. the multi attempt was a good touch but using 'ing to rhyme everything makes everything too plain and can seem extremely boring to a reader. The problem with writing a lot of multies is that it can lead readers away from your plot and the story that you are tryingt to convay so they have to at least be daring and over the top. This piece however lacked originality and mixture of wording. Towards the middle the multies died down because you almost used all of the "ings" in the English language I think lol, I was waiting for you to switch it up but it took too long and I found myself seeing that the hype was dying down.. due to a lack of build up and too much focus on the multies I was no longer interested in the story either.

[Illustrious.]

thanks for the feed, appreciate. glad u enjoyed it emily...& wordz i used a lot of multies and same rhyme schemes because i wanted to give off the effect of being in a trance, tripping with a constant mindset with no real change ups to give the vybe of being consistently on the trip.

[Illustrious.]

last bump on this..

[Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere]

i thought the flow and rhyme scheme was really nice alot of people dont stay ont he same scheme for long because they cant and run out of words to use i thought the imagery and flow here was really ice as well as the smooth content


Now it's time to stay straight and embrace my commanding
Scanning the sky as my mind is in a trance, expanding
This magic is dazzling, i'm traveling in a zone that is mind baffling
No fastening, i'm a loose cannon and my thoughts i aint battling


i liked that part a lot

nice job man