@Professor Frost ... I SOOOOOOOOOOOO salute... I didn't even know you can write like that!!!!!!! Not only do I feel the flow, I recognize that writer too - YOOOOOOO I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD that COLABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB was SOOOOOOOO much better then ours....
@weeknd pleasure to read your shit - I'm floored!
@ChilD -raising badass we gots to step our game up dun!!!! (winky face)
I see that you too are a fan of The Weeknd, cool little piece here Frost.
AI
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What an opening. That intro sizzles.
“I understand,
Your body wants it”
…Glad you understand. Hot intro.
That whole intro bit is succulent lol.
In the bridge: “Girl I got your bag, I got it all
Hold your drink baby don't you fall
Be there in a minute baby just one call”
Nice rhyme and flow, and easy natured wording.
Especially that third line lol, Pft’ typical.
And that hook is interesting with…
“To pluck the feathers off all the birds..
You always come to the parties...”
Yeah, I like the way that was put. Different, fresh, relaxed.
Verse 2:
“My old ex girl catchin' feelings for no reason and shit”
That’s pretty cool and I can see that playing out right in front of my eyes lol.
And…” Fucked up my night”...aww, lol, So cool you said this.
But this…..” I can feel your flow float like you was raised in a boat
That's So...sexy, how you strut lookin' like Raven Simone
Mm.”
…..I went ‘Mmm’ before I even read the “Mm”.
Mmm. That’s all I’ve got to say about that.
“Constructions of sin ,fills my eyes
Our temptation is slow, it builds my rise
My silver tongue, conceals these lies
Only real G's can feels these lines
I'm feeling like I'm caught in a matrix
Can't sit down and rest, she always wanna debate shit
I leave out so late, shit,”
….Yeah, I can hear this with music. I can feel the whole lot with music. See it being played.
[Verse 2.5: The Weeknd]
“Ride wit it, Ride wit it
I know you know, I know you wanna __ wit it
Don't be shy wit it, I'll supply wit it
I gotchu, girl,
Oh, I got it, girl”…………..nice, nice, nice, like the linking, smooth.
And then, there’s that wicked Bridge again, coming back for more.
Then flip to the hook……
“On your knees..
I would not let you be..
I would not....I would not....I would not...I would not.....”
“On your knees I would not let you be”….A bit of savage, saucy, strip, right there
…..and the phase out, with those words repeated, lush.
Verse 3: “Just ride wit it, just crawl too
Cause we both can't see when it's dark boo”…….Great lines.
“Time to go, and no I don't want to see you tomorrow
No eye contact because it'll lead to sorrow
I'll guide myself home at 3, cause I'd rather leave than follow”
I like the attitude that comes across in this piece. And the rhymes and
Story connect well. It’s fun to read.
And this bit… “It's yours till the day has aged and died
It's yours till you've came and cried
It's yours till I'm bored, home tour.. of your body
It's yours till it's 4, home store.. your mouth's my lobby
One night a week you know where to go party
But when I leave don't tell nobody”
…is just as hot as that intro.
Well done people.
This piece was raw, and a bit erotic, with some grub chucked in for spice.
It’s ablaze with lingering lipstick and it’s provocative but relaxed at the same time.
You have a nice balance happening, which doesn't come off as try hard at all.
The rhymes are cool, the content smoulders.
Great Read.
I need a cigarette.
Last edited by Emily; November 4th, 2016 at 06:24 AM
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