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Thread: I Feel Happiness Like a Chill

  1. #1

    I Feel Happiness Like a Chill

    I feel happiness like a chill; she passes me on the street with her eyes cast to her feet where chains drag along her heels. Not a whisper between us or a hint that it’s all for real, it’s like one second I feel you, the next second’s too near, and you’d never know the debt that I’d owe if you leant your ear and you won’t, you won’t because you don’t even know that I’m here.

    But sorrow is good company.

    Her pussy comforts me and keeps me warm even though her thorns still keep cutting me. Torn memories stuffed in her ovaries till they grow and become the sun in the sky that spies down on our lives wondering, how could I have come from such suffering? How did I fly above it all to sit this high among the gods who want nothing but the company of flies upon their walls -a million little eyes to look in awe at all these fucking things–?

    But guilt needs no worship.

    Regret is just a person, and no angel, thank Satan; I’ve had enough of wings.
    Pigeons always fly the coup. Mary was no virgin. God fucked her plenty when he gave her that dream and then he made her his queen and then he had her son murdered, “words are just words but the blood has a purpose,” that’s what they all say but it’s worthless.

    And pain has no price tag.

    But the shame cost a high tax that weighs 40 ounces and a dime bag every time you climb out of that pine glass with your eyes clasped round my fucking mind snaps where the fuck is I at in this cookie jar trap? My hands gnawed off by the crook in your glance because I reached too soon; guess I ruined my chance; is there no more liquor? Someone do a rain dance, I need a draft;

    I feel happiness like a chill.





    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ving-Hell-quot
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...196-Idle-Hands

  2. #2
    Landed Emily's Avatar
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    Re: I Feel Happiness Like a Chill

    Nice one. This has attitude, grunt, it’s sentimental, raw, has resentment, suffering, genuine reflection and beautiful contradictions.

    You may have some of the longest sentences, just when I think it’s not working, it works.

    ‘Regret is just a person, and no angel, thank Satan; I’ve had enough of wings.’

    I like the way you structured that.

    Straight after … ‘Pigeons always fly the coup.’ … Not big on the word ‘pigeons’. I forgot about it fast though because......
    …..‘Mary was no virgin and God ###### her plenty when he gave her that dream and then he made her his queen and then he had her son murdered, “words are just words but the blood has a purpose,” that’s what they all say but it’s worthless.’

    Imagery, spot on, visual action packed. Stimulus, check. Cool build.

    ‘hands gnawed off by the crook in your glance because I reached too soon; guess I ruined my chance; is there no more liquor? Someone do a rain dance, I need a draft;

    Lol. Too easy.

    The last sentence is nICE, there’s a chill at the end. Well done.

    How random was this? I enjoyed it. Good read.
    Last edited by Emily; March 11th, 2014 at 08:43 AM

  3. #3
    Kami no kotoba. Wordz AhGod.'s Avatar
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    Re: I Feel Happiness Like a Chill

    this felt more like spoken word to me but it was very hard hitting. Really good visuals and some awesome simplistic wording that is more of something I can enjoy. I felt like I could easily follow what you were saying and where you were going with the piece. Really great job, I hope you stick around and put up some more stuff like this.
    カミノコトバ

  4. #4
    Kept on a short leash
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    Re: I Feel Happiness Like a Chill

    ^ Me and phone number went head to head with similar styles that week. Don't make excuses and don't gossip. It's rude, crass, uncouth and gay.

    Phone number, this was one of the rare enjoyable reads in this section and on this site. Third paragraph was eye-catching. This was a unique piece in structure. Maybe you'll be the next me as in changing the game around here.

    Do produce more works. I'm actually glad moodecai sassed the superhero in this thread so I could read it.

  5. #5
    Kept on a short leash
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    Re: I Feel Happiness Like a Chill

    Quote Originally Posted by Cai View Post
    yeah but he rhymed, like we're all supposed to. you didn't, as you always chose not to. nah mean?

    I challenge you to write an actual well thought-out verse against me this week, with bars that rhyme, structured well, flow, a storyline, etc. You know(you do know right?), the style that's intended(and also a rule btw) for the league. accept or decline?
    Remember how I handed you the last one after I had clearly emerged victorious?
    I shall accept your challenge... but with a twist.

    If I do get more votes, you shall change your name to Moodecai.
    If you get more votes, then you have something to brag about to whomever would listen.

  6. #6
    Kept on a short leash
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    Re: I Feel Happiness Like a Chill

    Stop freeposting in Phone Number's verse.

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