Circus Act

[SyNtHeSIS]

This is another old one that i'm going to start with... i was about 18 when i wrote this one... think i like it a little better then my like life one.

circus act

one step, two step, trying to keep calm
I can see it, the lights the caged tigers
one breath, two breaths, exploding like a bomb
I said I loved the circus, I am a liar
my heart beat quickens as time begins to slow
sound loses a step and becomes almost demonic
there is no where I can go, no where is a soul
tears behind smiles, are clearly seen on it
moving fast in slowed time, is almost inhuman
profound expressions show through them saving face
confusion and amusement completely consume them
it is from these emotions that I fear this place
smell that? that is the smell of rotting souls
the movement cloaked in quickness is them not escaping
who knew being trapped inside could be so cold
in a never ending nightmare from which there is no waking
so the smell of deaths dreams floats though out the air
feeding on the happiness and laughter of us children
leaching off people bound by chains of despair
and the doubt from dreams dashed lurking to kill them
in body I am a child but in mind we are not different
the children that scream are not wrong, they're gifted
they see though the mask of the world that fear has bent
the vail, the vast masses of perspectives made shifted
black and white and all the shadows of grey are fact
we see though the smiles frown, we see the circus act.......


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...973/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...538/index.html

[Know-It-All]

they see though the mask of the world that fear has bent
the vail, the vast masses of perspectives made shifted
black and white and all the shadows of grey are fact
we see though the smiles frown, we see the circus act.......

You seem to have the right idea of poetry in this piece the part I highlighted above is by far the best part of this poem keep on writing and keep pushing these out.

[Frank P.]

Pretty good. The ABAB rhyme scheme is standard, but appreciated for the easy, fluid read. I've been on some poetry websites over the last year, and its absolutely phenomenal what some of the writers are able to present with words. Of course, it is much different than a lot of what we read here, not to say that here the talent is a bit less-grasping on the concept of poetry, just a different focus. I suggest anyone here who writes poetry, take a chance and search the web for poetry sites - it may help to expand the ways in which you write.

This piece is good though, the concept is well established in the poem.


-10

[OG Maestro]

I agree with dude above, the ABAB scheme was standard but this was enjoyable to read. Your last couplet was killer though.

black and white and all the shadows of grey are fact
we see though the smiles frown, we see the circus act.......

And I spotted this random alliteration line, had a Where's Waldo moment.

and the doubt from dreams dashed lurking to kill them

Keep writing & expanding man.

[SyNtHeSIS]

thanks everyone.. this was something i wrote like 7 years ago but i always start with this kind of simplistic stuff.. thank you for all the feedback.