hope i can say whatever the fuck i what in this shit

[erratic]

my music touch the youth like pen state
When ever i get in this pen state
i will disintegrate yall
like giant lazer coming out my eye balls
yes i ball dick very tall
got these feminist in the bathroom stall
girth of my dick broke there jaws
now theses cunts have to eat out of a straw
Cus my cum they didnt what to swallow it all
your probably like who the fuck is this
who can write these atrocity he calls lyrics
if i know who i was i wouldnt be doing this shit
im trying live life like what this christian life entails
but why does every thought make me feel like im going to hell
soul tormented why my guardian angels watch me dwell
i scream somebody help me but nobody hears me yell
its like im trap on the most beautiful island all by myself
since i never gave a fuck about feelings theres a reason there not felt

[The Great Father]

Mother jokes died in 1990, those four bars were useless and trite. The rest of it was entertaining.

[erratic]

if i would said your girl would that have been better lol ?

[The Great Father]

Still played out. Try something new, such as a plus-sized lingerie model or a feminist....


replacing "mom" with feminist would be golden. They're useless.

[erratic]

bro that's funny i change it

[The Great Father]

You've made this a masterpiece.

[erratic]

You've made this a masterpiece.

thank you you help. I probably going to have to throw this v on the song I'm working on now.

[The Great Father]

Glad to help. It's great to see some abstract pieces, they're far too uncommon.

[erratic]

bump

[erratic]

bump

[Baron Mynd]

Agreed on dude being entertaining, if not all that original, the small things like pen state/ eyeball/ i ball show he has some degree of originality to him and a decent style for short-bar.

Keep that pen moving!

[Mitchi]

nice drop fam--keep shittin

[Child-Raising Badass]

cool story you sound like a super gangsta pimp story bro methopars and lough guys acts
Highlights: who can write these atrocity he calls lyrics
if i know who i was i wouldnt be doing this shit

[erratic]

thanks man

[143]

Ok first 10 lines were simple at best, thought it was the worse of your drop. The play on words some was ok but the others were stretchy and that's not in a good way, your eleventh line seem like a transitional line because the rest of the drop got better, it was like you became focused at that point which brought some good imagery, had the first ten been like that last you would have had a great drop but they detracted the good alot....keep writing...