As I close my eyes look deep into my soul
This life that I'm living it's precious than gold
The clock is ticking I'm ahead of time
The pressure is on I'm losing my mind
It's my time to shine I won't hold back
The man above will keep me on track
Just say my prayers and its all good
The words of the bible is well understood
My body need tuning like car parts under the hood
Sharp as a knife sticky like glue
Ain't nothing fake everything true
I think you need to work on your vocabulary, and after you get better with vocab you can work on multi syllabic rhyme patterns. Structure is kind of weird too, and I don't know about the line "sharp as a knife sticky as glue" What does that mean? Anyways you need to elevate. However your flow was solid, so just work on the above and you'll be spittin fire in no time.
Really simple, no direction, metaphors were paper thin, nothing quotable on the whole.
Use multis...
Eg.
veteran leverage federal benefits
cheddar or left for dead, never get severance
better remember it, what can you do
got a vendetta but never get through
fed up whatever agenda the cleverness
seven percent of em gettin respect in this
rest can forget it their sets are pathetic
effortless measurin metric in venice
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