Recluse

[<SamPle>]

Keep in mind that this song was writtenwith intention of audio, like most of work as you could tell from the full 3 verse and hook

*Recluse*

As I, go home and walk through the door
It not just opens up home but opens up a hidden sore
Something, you’ve never seen or saw
Something, you never new before
Or, maybe it’s because I keep myself hidden
Inside my bedroom that you could call a den
But they think I’m cold, they think I’m cooler than
Minus ten, in the middle of December
See me out again that is a day to remember
I’ve become a member of the long lost
Nobody knows who I really am, I’m a cosmos
I got to change this and I think I must
But I know I won’t and again it’s just
Another lie to myself, destroying my health
Its hell, and I know it but I dwell
But I can’t escape from this cell
Can anyone hear these silent yells?
I guess not, they don’t have a clue
So I just recline and become a recluse

As I, slowly but surely become a recluse
I try to use anything as an excuse
That could, prevent me from any interaction
I know what to do but I take no action, so

Here’s me pretending everything is fine
When im, on my own every night at nine
I keep myself confined and I just entwine
These feelings to one problem combined
Going out my mind getting deranged
I’ve not changed and I’m not being different
However this event has got me feeling diffident
It’s leading me to a divergence, situation
And did I mention that this problem
Has no need for such complication
And now it’s thickening and tangling
It’s got the real me locked in, so I’m in
My bedroom again, and I know I can
But I know I won’t just ask me out again
I’ll just say no, and why I just don’t know
I won’t pretend, something I cannot comprehend
But I got to put a hand in this, I got to mend

(Hook)

It’s my fault it’s the road I’ve chosen to walk down
You see me with a smile, you’re upside down
Cause that smile’s a thrown, and I’m not clowning around
This time around god damn not right now
Just because I make a joke are two
Doesn’t make me different to the rest of you
“Do you even care” of course I do
But ask a silly question ya get a silly answer
And now I’m rotting away like a cancer
Maybe it’s a silly simile but she’s like dancer
She’s tryna, seduce me and I don’t won’t ta
But this lonesome is growing on me and I think me fancy her
“Aww” Its cause what I say is never, serious or gentle
To get anything sentimental, outta me would be mental
I’ll be sent to mental centre where they could enter
My centre core, to try and find anything sensible
But look no further all, just look in the right place
And there you’ll see someone with some embrace[/CENTER][/CENTER]


Links:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...72/index2.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...224/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...257/index.html

[Canigula]

Well, not a bad read, Maybe need some work on grammatical and lexical,

''It not just opens up ''

''you never new before''

Some work needed on metaphor and such. It's only my opinion. But still good read, Keep doin'

[<SamPle>]

uppin woah

[fuctup]

its good i think the structure is sound the content is real and not js sum topic that everyone will relate too.

[Daughter of Gaia]

(I can see your storytelling abilities are pretty well versed, but found some grammar errors which make several rhymes harder to read than others, some commas are unnecessary, don’t find reasons to chop up your flow. Vocabulary and word choices are decent but I recommend uppin’ and elevating in this area with every chance you get. Try to find better metaphors to help express yourself thru your verses and aid in setting an emotional tone to captivate your readers/listeners, which in turn will help enhance your quality of writing. I really enjoyed the hook as well. Nicely done.)

[<SamPle>]

whilst the forum is dead, uppin

[<SamPle>]

up last time