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Thread: Timeline Massacre

  1. #1
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Timeline Massacre

    Timeline Massacre

    Written By: Mr.Write | Lelouch | Marvelous



    Yo-

    Slowly the clouds hurled a mess to a thousand,
    Raining on private parades- service for public housing.
    While the animosity builds in offices filled-
    With righteous and oblique people who scar catastrophic appeals.
    Knowingly pushing the will of supporters underneath,
    Massing the free space with lies that easily put us to sleep.
    Gaddafi would agree that this nation is  whore-sum,
    Defining it's depths and bounds on the trace of this bore-dumb.
    Clinching our fists yet we strike after a few years,
    That's just to signify we wait for the last call to appear.
    And so I strive...
    For something better but nothing is granted,
    with acidic words they burn the walls that are seemingly planted-
    Crafted for some defense but I'm
    Feeling less branded,
    Cause quality can come in quantity but thats the less that's demanded.
    Optimisms a choice that is freely handed with obscurity,
    Find yourself a creep that brooms shadows; A purpose being.
    Perfection isn't reality, it's what starving this nation,
    Anorexic tongues, bulimic thoughts- Radiation.
    See I've been through hell and back, ain't got nothin to prove,
    If YOU want to see Satan- fuck the mirror just try to fill my shoes.


    "And then there was an epiphany,
    That elaborated on such originality
    That WE as pioneers shall forever
    -with stand!"


    Times grip makes my mind clinch and my spine wrench
    No matter how hard I push back when it shoves I can't make time shift
    Nevermind this, I'm a thorough bred, made to never be spineless 
    Nah, I got them mind tricks, manipulator I'll take a harsh reality and turn it into mein kampf 
    Although what I really want to unleash on mankind is nothing more than my benign wishes
    But good deeds are time consuming and people get my messages better when I'm vicious
    So my mission is to make them use common sense so they won't be so time censored
    Relying on times tic to keep them in line and efficient
    But when toc rolls through, they cease put their minds in emission 
    Instead just become idiots, witnessed this, and I swear it's quicker than magic 
    How they switch from functional to disgruntled, and couldnt find their own ass with a map and an atlas
    I walk the thin line non existent to time, ill be the last to endure
    And if there were a line for time itd be "please pass the cure" 
    Or else they'll keep sitting on the line becoming another victim  of times massacre
    There's no preventative methods nor certainty, cause some-time's death grabs the pure
    Just know that life survives time, which will only get better or worser <---and that's for sure.


    "The road taken to see success,
    Deprives everyone else's wishes
    But why I ask.... When it's MY life.
    -to conform the youth


    I calmly demand, action or reaction, as i solemnly stand
    Jott in my pad, "I Love You" toward my mom and my dad
    an obvious plan,to step forth through the rockiest sand
    but lifting this burden is like holding water in the palm of your hand
    i honestly gasp, about the questions i should probably ask
    changing this hobby at last,facing the future, swallowed the past
    collumns collapse, i finished the bottom of this bottomless flask
    facing the colder and breaking the bolders blocking my path
    emotions are bold, knowing oceans filled with the hopeless are cold
    failures frozen and old feeling like a valley with the lowest of lows
    cover with ghosts of the souls who have chosen the road
    to follow a trend, hollow and blend instead of taking control to revolt


    The music must go on....
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    Will grab links don't close
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  3. #3
    Lyrical Fire Slayerr.'s Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    1st verse - not a bad verse, had some good internals but if i had to critic this verse i'd say your enojomberment(fuck knows how to sell it) sometimes made it slightly hard to follow, im not sure why though. i enjoyed the verse though.

    2nd verse - doesn't really follow the same rhyme scheme as the first and the lines at first felt a bit stretched, i get what you were going for but i would've like you to have more multis if your going for lines that long.

    3rd verse - is this marv? if so fuck you i couldn't find anything i didnt like (i hate feed when its all positive seems like im not really doing anything) but nice flow, multi syllable rhymes and good vocab.

    sorry if the 1st and 2nd guy feel my feed was harsh i was just nit picking as i dont like being all positive in my feed it doesn't help you at all. overall nice collab and your all followed the story lines well.

    rtf:
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...18#post8318218

  4. #4
    chillin villain Lelouch's Avatar
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    "Four letter words or four syllable words won't make you a poet
    It will only magnify how shallow you are, and let everybody know it."
    -Gil Scott Heron.

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    .Infekted Penz.
    .Nightmares.

  5. #5
    -Marvelous-
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    Bump

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  6. #6
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    Word good looks Lelouch

    Bumpity
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    Word good looks Lelouch

    Bumpity
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
    -Marvelous-
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    bumpity

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  9. #9
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    favourite lines:

    Perfection isn't reality, it's what starving this nation,
    Anorexic tongues, bulimic thoughts- Radiation.

    Nevermind this, I'm a thorough bred, made to never be spineless
    Nah, I got them mind tricks, manipulator I'll take a harsh reality and turn it into mein kampf

    an obvious plan,to step forth through the rockiest sand
    but lifting this burden is like holding water in the palm of your hand

    overall, this was pretty decent read. i liked the first verse best but everybody did their thing and brought great imagery to the whole concept. i didnt like how stretched the second verse was though and that's the whole negative i would mention. when lines are stretched is makes the read slower for me cause im not the fastest reader. but still had great imagery and word choice. again, everybody did their thing and brought great creativity to this piece. good job everyone.

  10. #10
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    Yo harm man thanks for taking a look at this homie appreciate your time man will feed one of your audios when I get to a comp
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  11. #11
    chillin villain Lelouch's Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    Word..ups
    Drop links
    "Four letter words or four syllable words won't make you a poet
    It will only magnify how shallow you are, and let everybody know it."
    -Gil Scott Heron.

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    .Infekted Penz.
    .Nightmares.

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    I'll try and get you guys tonight, if not, tomorrow morning. Story, I'm still waiting on that feed you promised my collabs lol.
    infektedpenz


  13. #13
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    Don't worry I just need time
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  14. #14
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    Dudes this was dope. Story you started this off really well. If I had read your verse a few months ago I wouldn't have liked it but I'm really starting to appreciate topicals for reasons other than rhyme scheme lately. Your verse was so detail oriented with incredibly vivid imagery littered throughout the lines. You had a couple nice multis, and I would've liked to see more but definitely not at the expense of the rest of your content which was very well written. Your stanza was packed right full of emotion and was a great stanza to set the mood for the piece.

    Lelouch, I think this is the first I've read from you except for your IP tryout and I must say I'm very impressed. Your style was very cohesive with story's stanza, the biggest difference being the use of multis, you had some really great multis in there which I really liked. It was also packed full of strong imagery and emotion. I forgot to mention it for story but for you as well, the wording in your two's stanzas was great, made for an interesting read.

    Marv, this is what I've come to expect from you, tackling whatever concept and packing it with imagery and a rhyme scheme to produce a very smooth flow. I loved the multis and internals, as per usual, and your stanza kept with the other two in keeping up the vivid imagery.

    This was a really cool concept and all three of you did a great job writing for it and telling an interesting story. Good work boys.
    infektedpenz


  15. #15
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Timeline Massacre

    thanks trajik onto feeding your drop brutha
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