Echo

[<SamPle>]

Every year, Another Echo
Man, I just don’t know
These fucking echoes
Every year, someone must impose
Well fuck it, here it goes…

When he first came on the seen I was not keen
Confident he’ll just be another has been
Confident he’ll just be a one hit wonder
But they grew to him and they got a lot fonder
And now I wonder, for how much longer
Will you be going on with this blunder?
Any second Im bout to do something, sunder!
Who must be taking the piss now, well aren’t ya?
I think your gonna, need help when I’m done with ya
I think I have been juxta, positioned next to ya Justin
It’s the reason why I’m here and why I’m in
This situation I’m in, if I was meant to kill ya, then
So far I’m failing my mission, of demolition
It’s not like your competition or even opposition
Just an emission, give me a knife and I’ll change the definition
Of murder, “he’s just joking” err… I don’t think so
Let me sever, you just give it a go
Come on never say never, isn’t that your motto

Another echo, just another echo
Similar sounds I hear every year never make me go “wow”
Another echo, just another echo
Please keep the music down there’s no need for a crescendo (x2)

This one is just as big as the last one
Just as young, just wanting to have fun
No need for sleepovers, just hand her the bong
Keep singing the song girl, ya done?
Girl get off that pole jump onto my lap
Now cut the crap, now start to dance
This is the last chance I’m gonna give ya
You see my ass yeah? Give it a little kiss
Don’t wanna have to tempt you with liquorice
Miley, you serious? Cyrus! I’ll get Cirus the virus
The serial killer to take piss in your cereal
Now that’s desirous, and pretty much surreal
Seriously, stop! Keep resealed and still
Pain pill, please! But it’s not for me
I’ma shove it down her throat till she starts to bleed
Im not tender and I tend not to be
And have the tendency to kill people from Tennessee

(Hook)

Now this one I don’t know where to begin
Cause my patience is seriously wearing thin
I really do hate them from anger within
I’m thinking of severing a limb and I run
I can’t distinguish which one is more of a cunt
What the fuck son, what is up with the quiff?
You came sixth, buts it’s almost like as if
You’re the best thing television, shit! Euro-vision
Two fucking faggots a failed cell division
That sperm and egg was a fucking bad collision
What the fuck can be next, what I can envision
But take it on the chin son, do what you do
Do what you have to do to not let it get to you
Im on your side cause we are equivalent
So follow me guys your looking ambivalent
If I came across rude that is not what I meant
As I pull up to an anti-Irish sentiment.

(Hook)

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...517/index.html

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...587/index.html

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...648/index.html

[trajik]

Alright dude so I'm going to give you some honest feed, please don't take it as hate, just constructive criticism, we also have different writing styles as I'm a topical writer and you seen more audio style driven, so take it with a grain of salt.

I found this piece to be incredibly in consistent in a few aspects. First, your vocabulary and wording: there are parts with strong use of vocabulary, and the word choices are well done and interesting to read, however there are many other parts that are very basic in both regards, if you were able to work on these and improve your basic wording and work to keep vocabulary and wording more consistent, it would make for a much nicer read. Next, your rhyme scheme, in parts you used some nice multis and internals in parts and other parts you rhymed single syllables. I found many spots where you "rhymed" with single syllable assonance, in my opinion, that's okay when used rarely, it's much easier to get away with assonance if it's used in multis. If you're able to work on keeping your rhyme scheme consistent it will make your read much easier and more entertaining, it will also help to improve your flow. Which segue's nicely into the third point, flow, it was off and on all over the place, if you work to keep your syllable count per line as consistent as possible, within a couple syllables it will smooth out your flow and improve the read for readers. Keeping syllables consistent can seem tedious and a pain in the ass to begin with but the more you write, it will become easier to the point that it's second nature in your writing and it becomes natural. I also had a disliking to your language, you used "fuck" and other words way too many times, and I know a lot of other readers don't like reading excessive swearing within pieces, for example in one spot you said "fucking bad" when "terrible" keeps the syllable count, improves your wording, strengthens your vocabulary, all while saying the same thing. I'm not going to say anything about your concept and content as that is your writing style and either readers will like it or they don't. Keep writing man!

[<SamPle>]

thanks man, this is the feed i kinda want! honesty.
i saw you and viewz have dropped a piece. i will RTF

[<SamPle>]

upd

[Witty]

Yea, this piece was extremely lacking in a lot of key areas. The first being the topic, you need to write about something more interesting, this was just the same generic piece people are dropping all the time, there's nothing new or fresh about it, in order to really get the best out of yourself as a writer you need to push yourself to write about different things, open your mind and see what pops up, and then write about it, imagination is one of the greatest things we have as humans, and is particularly essential for writers such as ourselves. Also, the vocab you used in this is too simple, I'm not saying use big words, but it always good to throw in words that people wouldn't expect to see, it makes a piece more exciting for the reader and it shows that as a writer you are commited to being as dope as possible. You need to watch your syllable count too, it is advisable to have the same number of syllables in both the set up line and the second line, it just makes it flow better and makes for an easier read, one of the most important things to remember is that you don't want ANYTHING in your piece to take away from what you have actually written so checking things like syllable count and spelling goes a long way to ensuring people only focus on your story. You have potential though, I can see that, I think with a bit of practice and a topic you can really sink your teeth in to, you will suprise yourself with how good you can be, and remember, be patient, if you can't think of what to write, don't just write down any old crap, leave the piece for a while, go do something, and come back when you know where you want to take it.

Keep writing dude!

Hit this:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...026/index.html

[<SamPle>]

I punched ya!
thanks, ya obvouisly it lacks meaning but, is fun to do and practice

[<SamPle>]

upd for 100