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Thread: Good vs Evil

  1. #1
    Your just a menime <SamPle>'s Avatar
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    Good vs Evil

    If I were to say in an none sarcastic way that today
    I feel disconcerted and lead astray…what would you say (cuz)
    Im starting to think my head is…spinning and it’s
    Beginning…to thinning… the evil inside me’s grinning
    But it won’t come out as long as I’m sane
    And try to maintain a stable membrane
    But its always there you just can’t see it
    It can be deadly it acts like phosphane
    It’s hard to remain yourself and be joyous
    When you know inside that there’s a boisterous
    Part of you… that wants to… live this life… and pass through
    It talks to you… persuades you to let him out (cuz)
    He knows what has to be done
    And he’ll find the route to this stardom
    He’ll backstab your friends, neglect emotion
    But put…the motion… into your… promotion
    But I would rather stay as an unknown
    Than to disown that what I am
    And then bemoan feel left all alone (but)
    I contemplate on letting it take over
    It kinds feels like……. Let me show ya

    I just want to, perform on stages to the mass
    I just want to, become famous at last
    I just want to, so I try and fulfil
    I just want to… but its upheaval

    I don’t won’t to, become into a backstabber
    I don’t won’t to, act like a dagger
    I don’t won’t to, fake my way uphill
    I don’t won’t to, let out my devil
    This is… Good vs. Evil

    “Come here Bennett, lend me your ear
    Why you so scared? You’re trembling with fear
    Come nearer, I got something to say”
    “What!”? “I’m coming out today”
    “No you aint” “Why not”?
    “Cause I don’t need you”
    “Yes you do, and they need me too
    You know those sick jokes you tell
    That make em’ laugh and there funny as hell
    “Yeah”
    “Well… that’s me, breaking out of this cell
    There’s a reason why they say you’re funny as hell
    You can sit there and dwell but I’ll continue to swell
    Cause its me that will be able to sell
    They don’t won’t to see some little sissy
    Talking about love, how boring is he
    There’s only one way for you to be famous
    Its sex, sex, sex and being dangerous
    Don’t make a fuss… just go ballistic”
    “Buts that’s not me, I’m not sadistic
    Surely there’s a way without being so drastic”
    “haha, sorry but there aint
    “There’s no room in this game for a saint”

    (hook)

    Shit, all these voices in my skull
    Must be deranged not to listen, must be dull
    But still, fulfil my needs he can
    Gonna let him out “your crazy”, I guess I am
    “No your not or at least you don’t need to be
    Unless you let him free then I guess you are crazy (but)
    Don’t let him out kid, close the lid
    You’re not insipid, don’t let him” “Too late he did”
    “I’m here to get rid… of you, you don’t belong here
    So hear me loud and clear, we no longer fear
    So you will adhere, I’m in control I will steer
    Now disappear
    “You think I’m going, your outta your mind
    I’m not that kind of guy, look at you
    Tryna be big man… its pathetic
    “Huh, I’m I coming across esoteric
    Big man? Don’t make me get hysteric
    Whoa whoa, let’s calm the fuck down
    Stop the clowning around I’m tryna to create this sound
    “Fuck the underground, there’s no money at all”
    “Maybe, but at least you’ll be original”
    “So Bennett what’s it to be… him or me and you
    I think I’m gonna…

    (hook)


    hopefully it can be understood..

    links;
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre....html?t=460702

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre....html?t=461447

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre....html?t=461433

  2. #2
    Your just a menime <SamPle>'s Avatar
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    Re: Good vs Evil

    just uppin before it comes unknown

  3. #3
    Your just a menime <SamPle>'s Avatar
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    Re: Good vs Evil

    atleast one feed guys...

  4. #4
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    Re: Good vs Evil

    Returning the feed.

    So the structure really bugged me, it seemed a lot more intended for audio, and I'm not a fan of reading the audio style of pieces like this. You had a good use of internals, however, incredibly inconsistent. Some lines are stacked full of them and then others rhyme a single syllable. I'd like to see a more consistent rhyme, littered with multis and internals.
    I thought the wording could have sounded more complex, I did enjoy the strength of vocabulary that you used throughout though, would like to see more of it. On the content end it would be nice to see something either with a storyline or more depth than wanting to be a rapper. Keep writing man, take feedback and criticism to heart and you'll improve in no time.
    infektedpenz


  5. #5
    Your just a menime <SamPle>'s Avatar
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    Re: Good vs Evil

    thanks for return... to be honest this was made for audio in mind! so not my best lyrcial, so is hard to read i guess...

    cheers, uppin

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