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Thread: Crying Arsonist

  1. #1
    huh? Vinzr's Avatar
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    Crying Arsonist

    The people left screaming in search of the arsonist
    He set a fire in the town but only burnt half of it
    All started from the spark the hit and cause a rising flame
    Now his blinding fame has turned into a crying shame
    A lying game, all kids are now looked at as criminals
    The fire brigade set washing every corner and interval
    Walls are scribbled with words of whom they claim
    Instead of fixing the problem they ignore the room for change
    Every human whose shoes in range of the hooves of fire
    It starts burning all the roofs and then moves higher
    Now everyone is left furious, roaring “Bloody arsonists!”
    People left homeless and they say “He’s bloody starvin’ us”
    But they remain sitting there hopeless - trying to feel better
    The misery spreads as though the chef spilled pepper
    A pot of mixed spices in his control as he turns the world around
    The arsonist smiles in joy while the match hurls to the ground

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  3. #3
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    Re: Crying Arsonist

    Vinzr, Vinzr, Vinzr...

    Your storytelling ability is great, you one of the few writers who can use a comparatively less complex rhyme scheme yet keep my attention all the way through. Your inactivity as of late kinda sucks, I miss reading your pieces on regular basis, SS was great for that. So even though I mentioned the rhyme scheme wasn't all that complex you still had some nice multis but as always I'd prefer to see more. No surprise here, your word choices are phenomenal, depicting every single detail and using very vivid imagery, and a decent flow too. I'm glad to hear that in a couple months your activity will pick up again. Nice writing here Vinzr!
    Last edited by trajik; October 25th, 2011 at 09:35 AM
    infektedpenz


  4. #4
    ...The Gift... Felix Vegas's Avatar
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    Re: Crying Arsonist

    i thought this was nice... flowed well fav lines

    Walls are scribbled with words of whom they claim
    Instead of fixing the problem they ignore the room for change

    nice man
    Ask this,
    These lines a knock u off ur Axis...
    Im at this,
    my lines cover the world, Atlas...

  5. #5
    The Birth Of Creation WhatsHisFace's Avatar
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    Re: Crying Arsonist

    Great story. Your character of the artonsit is detailed vary well. It was also intersetnig how you showed the point of view of socity, blameing a whole group of kids to whom they thought was the arsonist. Nicely down. The ending of the piece had a nice resoultion also. Arsonist got away and countiunes to burn shyt.

    Your flow was great for this piece. The syllable count was the main foundation of your flow in this piece, yah? Also, rhyme scheme nice, word choice was good. Overall your flow was vary nice.

    This was a great read, nice flow, good story. Nice job!
    [youtube]wtjZOf0WmdE[/youtube]

    Music.

  6. #6
    Human Skin Sombrero Toobs's Avatar
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    Re: Crying Arsonist

    was a nice story-telling piece....real descriptive and a nice use of comparisons and such....
    none of the lines really stood out to me in general....the simplicity of your rhymes is your downfall IMO though...some more multis and a more complex structure would be better...to me it reads more like a poem than a rap verse....shit was still pretty good though...

    hit it back: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...345/index.html

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  7. #7
    ::..VOCABULUS..:: 143's Avatar
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    Re: Crying Arsonist

    Good to see you here my friend, you always come with the greatr storytelling drops no matter how long it is. The overall structure and progression is more than your usual, almost like you reinvented parts of your skill. No need for heavy multis, just the right amount to take the drop in a more descriptive manner...This is above your usual as I said before and great job on this. Glad to see you splash back on the scene...


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