unbelievably Mad

[WhyLie]

yo here is my forgiveness listen koz im almighty im king of society,
you aint no crook son unless ya like me a shook one,
I put a penny in the jar fo every rap i bust out in the bar,
im always at the right place at the right time,
king of the cards and doing the joker crime,
Mirror mirror on the wall whoz the the best of them all
Thats right whylie still standing tall
Your crews a feather weight ill leave you levitate
Ill find the right locatAtion and make ya girl with the right sensation
For every rhyme i write its 25 to life
Scratch up the cells with my jail styled knife,
I drop a written in my notpad
koz im obliviously mad
Ill burn you up with combustion
my rhymes leave you knocked out with concusion

[WhyLie]

feed?

[The Gwapfather]

This was decent homie, still got some work to do, but not bad.. flow was okay, content could be better overall though, seemed kind of like just a lil freestyle type thing? just try to push your concepts/lines a bit further creatively, like for example:

"I put a penny in the jar fo every rap i bust out in the bar"

Maybe you could have went something like..

I put a penny in the jar for every rap I bust out in the bar
drunk off success.. now the whole town can buy thousands of cars

^thats just a quick example, and going off your line as is, maybe if you wanted to scrap that first line all together, you could have flipped something like this..

I can go to the hottest club, throw shots wit no alcohol
and make such a break through.. now its just a hole in the wall

^again, another really quick example, hole in the wall = shitty ass bar haha.. just showing you ways you can improve, but overall you have potential, stay at it..

[SoulWriter]

It was coo, kinda corny in some parts imo. Experiment a little bit, maybe.

[~ItHurtZ]

this is bitten man ive heard these lyrics before..
So i say your wack!!

[#PrimeTime]

Very short, uneven lines killed your flow.

No emotion, imagery, metaphors/similies that stood out..

I think you gotta come up with some original concepts/references of your own. I believe that this was very simple, a drop that maybe a 5th grader could comprehend. I don't think your the worst writer here, but the topic was bland, no flow anywhere.

your lines barely even rhymed, and the bars that did rhyme were very basic. crime/time. basic. you should take ur time when writing pieces, this looks mad rushed and forced concepts seemed to tag along in here.

oh btw: ur banned.

[~ItHurtZ]

Very short, uneven lines killed your flow.

No emotion, imagery, metaphors/similies that stood out..

I think you gotta come up with some original concepts/references of your own. I believe that this was very simple, a drop that maybe a 5th grader could comprehend. I don't think your the worst writer here, but the topic was bland, no flow anywhere.

your lines barely even rhymed, and the bars that did rhyme were very basic. crime/time. basic. you should take ur time when writing pieces, this looks mad rushed and forced concepts seemed to tag along in here.

oh btw: ur banned.

^^ LMFAO Jeffry i bow to you haha..love how you say Oh btw; ur banned haha

[.Nell.]

he say's it's bitten. plus you need 3 feedback links. plus your banned.

[~ItHurtZ]

yeah exactly

[#PrimeTime]

ithurtz = whylie..

[~ItHurtZ]

wait hold up!! your accusing me of being whylie?