Practice run

[Young Strykez]

This is my practise,this is my way to start.just like you,you remember,spitting your first bar?was it worrying,that you wouldn't get appreciated?people laughed at you/ and your high hopes of being rated?well,it's like that for me.to start anywhere else feels so hard/ it's on the brink of impossibility.i need improvements and practise to improve my lyrical/ visibility.so don't hate me,just rate me.remember the time /you were just like me.i spend most of my free time tryna get people to like me.I know i have potential,just haven't discovered it yet.so please,critique.i need as many improvements as i can get.
Just ran out of topic verse so ima bullshit now.what to start with first?no point in promoting myself
and dissing haters is not an option
so i need to think hard at this bullshit notion.
ok,i think i have a rhyme to begin
next set of lines,i swear the war will begin

When i spit my barz u no its game over.love drunk forget it id rather die sober send man out in the field like clover then ride his barz over like a lawnmower.vroom vroom.when i spit lyrics dont go into my room.im juss standing there with a rueger.1 wrong move and itll be your doom.your manz fuck into a rage they wanna have me up when i step on the stage .and brag about killing man,ur fucking lucky i wrote a page.nobody remembers your moist little life ul b happy to know i found your wife now shes pregnant and i dissappear i know i already messed up her life.o.m.g,my barz r so pesky,so dont ride my wave its not a jetski.its more like a traktor dont try and leave cos my appearance dont attract ya.magnetic barz to the end.your flow dries up.your barz cease cos it's the end of the chapter,get ready for the next cos its its Strykez on a tank yea.
u get me,i think ur breaking up.
ko your manz then put dem in da trunk drive them over to da bridge
so dey can make the choice of jumpin or bein shot and killed.
either one they wont survive cos my manz r very skilled.
you can't swim cos it takes more than being strong willed.
you pump and throttle your hands like a car or a bike but you haven't got the balls or the power.
you can barely speak into this mic.
rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php/sacred-scripture-459356/index.html
rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php/flexplanation-459384/index.html

[Young Strykez]

rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php/smash-ya-team-459419/index.html?p=8264515&posted=1

[Frantikk]

Not bad for what I guess was your first attempt? Need to work on your vocab and multies to elevate, i'm wondering if you have a different accent than me cuz some of this doesnt rhyme.. Like "and dissing haters is not an option
so i need to think hard at this bullshit notion." Option and notion? Also the lines after that "ok,i think i have a rhyme to begin
next set of lines,i swear the war will begin" You have the inner rhyme and lines but thats a lil weak and then reuse begin with no rhyme or reason before hand. Main part I don't like in the second verse is the sentence "vroom vroom" lol lil strange. Also the structure is pretty strange throughout. You break it up with spaces in a few parts near the end of both verses but run the rest together.. Idk hope this feed will help you, not trying to hate, keep at it.

[Young Strykez]

ok isee.thanks i see your point.yeah i'm a mix of british and russian so it rhymes to me a little.and theres spaces cos im using my phone and it only shows 2 lines at a time and scrolling up is impossible.its helpful.thx

[Young Strykez]

shit its made to say practice run

[CL]

Ok for a first time, few things could be diffrent but for a first its good long as you continue getting better.