Philly's in the houuuuuse

[TheMicChecker]

check it

The mic checker's up in here rockin the house
If you don't like me G you must wear a blouse
Over the years many suckas tried to step to me
One punk even thought he'd kill me weapons-free
The dick learned his lesson quick I smashed him with a brick
He went down like a trick cause the shit I kick is sick
I'm up in this rap battle shit for real
Tellin all these stupid ass suckas the deal
Criticizing this shit, well I guess you can try it
But that won't change that when I rap I always start a riot
Don't get me wrong I'm down with if you're down with me
But if you clown around you get beat down and pounded, see

[Voyce Box]

look, i don't mean to sound like a prick, but this was awful.
when doing a piece like this, there's more to it than just rhyming words.
you gotta use metaphors, similes and be very creative when writing..
because, if you don't, you won't grab a readers attention or even rock a crowd on the mic.
you need outstanding bars when doing brag pieces, it's how the game goes.
just look back on bars by Big L, Big Daddy Kane, Eminem and all those other dope rappers..
they don't just rock a crowd because they can rhyme words, but because they have actual 'skill'.
take this bar by Big L for example:
"I'm far from broke, got enough bread
and mad hoes. ask Beavis, i get nothing Butt Head"
here's another one, "i knocked out so many teeth, the tooth fairy went bankrupt."
just a few examples of some dope lines are, so you feel what I'm saying.
you just need to be creative with your words and don't rush.
and, of course, most importantly, make it rhyme nice so it flows smooth.
I'm not saying sacrifice the piece for the sake of rhyming, never do that.
this about all i can say to ya, bro, keep writing.
i hope to see something better from you next time, something more focused on.


you should take a few minutes to read the rules, too.

[TheMicChecker]

do you really think listening to the 98 Freestyle makes you a lyrical expert? You don't even know what a metaphor is. Both the examples you gave are puns, not metaphors. I don't care if you think this is awful, you cant back it up.

[Voyce Box]

listen, i don't need you telling me what i know and what i don't know.
go do your research about- personifications, metaphors, similes, assonance, onomatopoeia, and then tell me i don't know what i am talking about...
i am sorry you took offense to my response, but all I'm trying to do is help you through some things.
cause, we are all here for the same reasons, to write and to help others and get help when needed.
I'm sure I won't be the first to tell you all this, so just patiently for other responses, IF YOU GET ANY.
and, no, i never said i was a "lyrical expert", but i know a lot more than you...
you should learn to read, too, i said pieces like this need things such as metaphors and similes.
anyway, i ain't gonna sit here and argue with ya, keep writing!

[TheMicChecker]

Oh, look, you can list words that could be found in the back of my middle school english textbooks. We have a genius in the house, everyone. "Keep writing!" to "yo fag" in a message? Busta...