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Thread: Doorways to Infinity

  1. #1
    huh? Vinzr's Avatar
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    Doorways to Infinity

    Doorways to Infinity



    People live to dream, but that dream will never enter reality
    Despite the openings, it will remain stuck at the centre of fallacy
    From an idealist’s point of view that dream will one come true
    But that individual will realise the moment they succumb youth
    They may run through the tall grass but eventually become lost
    Through a mind so confused that it runs where the two roads cross
    To become what you’re not, that’s an idealists of a perfect life
    You grab the idea and plan to never go until the end of night
    It breaks your sense of sight, the feeling that deceives with a vision
    A place where you are able to work and to complete the mission
    But as the deepness thickens and the closer you get to the goal
    The clock goes back to life and then the undeniable truth unfolds


    7 years ago,
    All those holes that I dug six feet deep, during that ruthless work
    Laying every sheet above and covering it up with all the useless dirt
    But those dreamers age faster than the gain as they lose their worth
    Only fate may select the victims that they choose to bruise and hurt
    Dream in their truest forms remain in visions and tales told by failures
    Like stories of the horizons that are never reached, told by sailors
    Those ditches that I dug, now become a part of life I hold onto forever
    I fell down and collapsed through the deception and we know live together
    But those dreams that I really desired are thrown aside and set to fire
    Some people who don’t realise, change dreams, treating them like tyres
    But I was a victim of an unfortunate downfall when my chance expired
    And then unwillingly returned to the lower level of my life prior...


    Now, as they say...I remain the same person before I dreamt
    Wasted half my life holding onto an idea envisioned as I slept
    Then the climax occurred where the nightmare had to kick in
    Such a dream would require the right footwear to prevent slipping
    I for one was not bound for success, only left with a low level life
    And now remain alone in the dark as I throw pebbles at night
    As they skid the pond, that’s my life; a single throw to earn it
    But I took a single shot at a dream but only scratched the surface
    The rock skid across the ocean but only managed to fall In between
    Failure was my destiny, was all I stored of what that symbol means
    In other words, life was like lighthouse that emitted just one beam
    Some shined in the light while others watched in the dark to see how fun seems

  2. #2

  3. #3

    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    this totally sucked, dude! L.O.L! just kidding with ya.. it was a long read for me but i enjoyed it, mos def. i really love the concept of this piece and how you were able to structure it so incredibly. the flow was continuously smooth, which is always a must when writing.. however, it seemed a bit 'plain' in the 1st verse, like.. the point was there just it wasn't until the 2nd verse you started using those words that really pulled me in.. for example, "I fell down and collapsed through the deception." very tasteful line right there. i love it. and, from the 2nd verse to the 3rd, i started seeing lots of those fancy lines.. i liked this simile as well, "dream in their truest forms remain in visions and tales told by failures/ like stories of the horizons that are never reached, told by sailors." oh, and, this bar, "they may run through the tall grass but eventually become lost/ through a mind so confused that it runs where the two roads cross." yeah, this piece was great though, honestly, well written. the multis didn't seem forced, and you didn't sacrifice the piece just for the sake of rhyming, in no spots. as said before, very good structure. you're a fantastic writer. i really hope to read more from you soon. keep writing.

    They may run through the tall grass but eventually become lost
    Through a mind so confused that it runs where the two roads cross
    Dream in their truest forms remain in visions and tales told by failures
    Like stories of the horizons that are never reached, told by sailors

  4. #4
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    Long read but worth it man, crazy shit going on right here. Too tired to fully analyse but my favourite line ...

    As they skid the pond, that’s my life; a single throw to earn it




    NIiiiiice. Overall, I'd give it around 8/10. It was pretty sick

  5. #5
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    second thoughts give it a 8.5 after a second read.



  6. #6
    huh? Vinzr's Avatar
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    Thanks for the feedback guys.

  7. #7
    PhrEnIaH Skitzo's Avatar
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    damn thought that was never gonna end...haha just playin this was ill nice drop good vocab and flow lots of creativity i dont kno how some of yall be droppin topicals like this im not really a topical person at all but this was pretty dope

  8. #8
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    DUDE!!!!!!! THIS WAS SICK!!!!!!!

    Imagery, vocabulary, flow, multies, metaphors, you did it all and amazingly well!
    I am truly impressed! I knew youd get there, and here it is!

    Ultimately, I was really digging the last stanza:
    Now, as they say...I remain the same person before I dreamt
    Wasted half my life holding onto an idea envisioned as I slept
    Then the climax occurred where the nightmare had to kick in
    Such a dream would require the right footwear to prevent slipping
    I for one was not bound for success, only left with a low level life
    And now remain alone in the dark as I throw pebbles at night
    As they skid the pond, that’s my life; a single throw to earn it
    But I took a single shot at a dream but only scratched the surface
    The rock skid across the ocean but only managed to fall In between
    Failure was my destiny, was all I stored of what that symbol means
    In other words, life was like lighthouse that emitted just one beam
    Some shined in the light while others watched in the dark to see how fun seems
    This flowed beautifully, and you used the doors as a metaphor to the adventure
    of chasing dreams to perfection. This was really, really good, I can't say it
    enough! props, props, and more!
    DayumNation

  9. #9
    huh? Vinzr's Avatar
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    Cheers for the feed, it's very much appreciated.

  10. #10
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    Yes most definitely vinzr loving the imagery in this as well. i like your display of vocab and overall the words flowed nicely. Its really creative when some can take a topic and create their own metaphore and lay it down on the table with a diffrent aspect. The first was good but u really picked it up in the second and third verse.

    All those holes that I dug six feet deep, during that ruthless work
    Laying every sheet above and covering it up with all the useless dirt
    But those dreamers age faster than the gain as they lose their worth
    Only fate may select the victims that they choose to bruise and hurt
    Dream in their truest forms remain in visions and tales told by failures
    Like stories of the horizons that are never reached, told by sailors
    Those ditches that I dug, now become a part of life I hold onto forever
    I fell down and collapsed through the deception and we know live together
    But those dreams that I really desired are thrown aside and set to fire
    Some people who don’t realise, change dreams, treating them like tyres
    But I was a victim of an unfortunate downfall when my chance expired
    And then unwillingly returned to the lower level of my life prior...


    Now, as they say...I remain the same person before I dreamt
    Wasted half my life holding onto an idea envisioned as I slept
    Then the climax occurred where the nightmare had to kick in
    Such a dream would require the right footwear to prevent slipping
    I for one was not bound for success, only left with a low level life
    And now remain alone in the dark as I throw pebbles at night
    As they skid the pond, that’s my life; a single throw to earn it
    But I took a single shot at a dream but only scratched the surface
    The rock skid across the ocean but only managed to fall In between
    Failure was my destiny, was all I stored of what that symbol means
    In other words, life was like lighthouse that emitted just one beam
    Some shined in the light while others watched in the dark to see how fun seems
    Overall just loving how this flowed nicely man good expression of chasing the open door oppurtunity.


    rtf
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...015/index.html
    [url]https:

  11. #11
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    Vinzr, I liked this piece when I voted for it in SS, but upon the second read it's even better. Your imagery is off the wall, like reading a book with moving pictures. The detailing used is quite thorough and the positive emotion has a good presense. Your rhyme schemes are steadily improving, not to say it's best I've seem you use but in general, you're utilizing more multis and more internals and it's really nice to see. The flow in this piece is great, thanks to said rhyme scheme and your flawless word choices. The vocabulary strength is pretty nice too. Oh and I forgot to mention, it's a great concept as well, very interesting read. Good work here Vinzr.


    Please return feed on my piece that Malice no showed.
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...var=&p=8258879
    infektedpenz


  12. #12
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    Very intellectual piece bro, i actually feel enlightened by reading this lol, alot of deep metaphors that make you think i like that, i kind of like the length cuz there was alot of clever and knowledgeable lines, i give 8.5/10

    Best lines:

    They may run through the tall grass but eventually become lost
    Through a mind so confused that it runs where the two roads cross

    And now remain alone in the dark as I throw pebbles at night
    As they skid the pond, that’s my life; a single throw to earn it
    But I took a single shot at a dream but only scratched the surface

  13. #13
    huh? Vinzr's Avatar
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    Thanks

  14. #14
    huh? Vinzr's Avatar
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    uppin

  15. #15
    Trajik Viewz Str8 JackIt's Avatar
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    Re: Doorways to Infinity

    Dream in their truest forms remain in visions and tales told by failures
    Like stories of the horizons that are never reached, told by sailors
    Those ditches that I dug, now become a part of life I hold onto forever
    I fell down and collapsed through the deception and we know live together
    felt this portion was the better end of ya whole drop, good flow

    nice wording all the way through, content was cool...and consistent....wasn't as big a fan of it as the others but it was ok...

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