Truth is a bitch

[Joedahoe]

im a real deep thinker
and if you follow suit
ill have you turn into a heavy drinker.
thoughts of darkness and sad story endings
leave a nigga wonderin where his true friends is.
i learn the hard way every time,
and after every lesson another extended dotted line...
people say that we learn from mistakes,
but how can you tell me that to you i was just
another face.
anguish is certain in a world of lust,
when the people you most trust dont really give a fuck.
push past the hate and look deep in their heart.
if you look hard you can see a vacancy where you used
to be apart.
tear off my shackles of silence, im sick of
being in this with only half of you in compliance.
i fear that this is as far as we will come
after this exchange of words we wont still be one.
but to my dismay ,i can feel that i will be okay.
i just picture the other that i love
and if your gone they will take your place.
drown the truth for as long as i faced the trouble,
until i watched as i popped the last air bubble.

[Joedahoe]

any critics?

[Joedahoe]

anyone?

[Voyce Box]

you keep putting up pieces with no feedback links from three pieces you left feedback on.. you need to go and read the rules so you can see how things are done around here like everyone else does. that's probably why people ain't feeding it and letting you know what they think of it- just a heads up..

but since i am here, i am gonna give you some feedback on it.. it seemed too simplistic and rushed. it's almost as if you're just trying to rhyme words rather than structure your piece out so that it tells like a story.. also, not adding metaphors or similes, or anything of that sort to actually bring it to life and give it that emotion it needs to really shine on a reader. so, for advice, work on metaphors and similes, and you'll notice a big change in your writing along with people who read it. and, try to stay on topic.. nothing destroys a piece more than naming it something and it not even going with the name..


remember, put three links in your piece all the time from pieces you left feedback on, or they will just close em on you.

[Skitzo]

very simple verse really sounds like your saying shit just to say it....lacks substance but keepin droppin and readin other peoples drops and you'll potentially grow

[Joedahoe]

you keep putting up pieces with no feedback links from three pieces you left feedback on.. you need to go and read the rules so you can see how things are done around here like everyone else does. that's probably why people ain't feeding it and letting you know what they think of it- just a heads up..

wow i had no idea.thanks for the heads up.

[Joedahoe]

you keep putting up pieces with no feedback links from three pieces you left feedback on.. you need to go and read the rules so you can see how things are done around here like everyone else does. that's probably why people ain't feeding it and letting you know what they think of it- just a heads up..

wow i had no idea.thanks for the heads up.