User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 19

Thread: Fast Lane

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Fast Lane

    It’s a destiny journey; no energy to force the ride near the finish line
    the rocky street is evil as his polish mind accelerates as a skittish time
    weather laughs as a divorce letter, tearing as peppers and eyes add together
    as he walks on his mistakes as Jesus on the water, the trees hug each other
    It is his prospect to reflect about his future which will never be complex
    His car cries hard for assistance as broken legs patient, as if it’s a context
    As it rapidly over takes the gas station as snapping the fingers, smoke emerges
    All the tools are thirsty as a pure desert, dry as woods as it nose reverses
    Should he keep up the speed as many obstacles tackle his voyage like a spear
    It’s a once in a life time question to answer, as his attention rages with fear
    His dark memory population attack his heavy head, earning no freedom
    Burrowing, searching for a better life, trying to escape his burning kingdom
    he might doubt as thoughts feel like breaking out of his mind as cons, their find no way out
    Every passages are armed like an army, sturdy to stop airs, locked like the gray cloud
    He stays proud but not figuring out why he wants to go back to the starting line
    After this Hard time, what does he have apart crimes? Nothing but a white star in mind
    Blank as the road is cold under his flesh as a fever skin; sweating like wet dreams
    its extreme on the scene as he asks his conscience why he is still breathing, yet screams
    demolish his throat as Tyson sleeps in the ring, weak to fight back with his last brain
    He tries to blast again but was told why are you riding on the fast lane

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  2. #2
    Newbie Obese Chess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    46
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: Fast Lane

    Hmm. Not entirely sure what's going on in this one. If it's a metaphor, I'm not picking up on it. I love the metaphors in the song, but... I'm wondering if we've got some Inception shit with metaphors in metaphors.
    So until I figure out what the song is about I can't offer too much feedback on how effective it is - though that may be all the feedback you need.
    The vocab and multis are great - there's a lot of potential in here.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Boston, MA.
    Posts
    14,346
    Battle Record
    128-135
    Awards 1-2 Punch HW Champion 100+ Wins FL Champion VBL Champion

    Re: Fast Lane

    This kinda reminds me on a OM i did awhile go called blindspot. I got this concept and really liked it too. I liked how u used good vocab content and made the imagery stand out here. The idea i got from this was like driving down the fast line of life. there was a good expression of metaphores that also caught my eye

    fav lines:


    It is his prospect to reflect about his future which will never be complex
    His car cries hard for assistance as broken legs patient, as if it’s a context
    As it rapidly over takes the gas station as snapping the fingers, smoke emerges
    All the tools are thirsty as a pure desert, dry as woods as it nose reverses
    Should he keep up the speed as many obstacles tackle his voyage like a spear
    It’s a once in a life time question to answer, as his attention rages with fear
    His dark memory population attack his heavy head, earning no freedom
    Burrowing, searching for a better life, trying to escape his burning kingdom
    he might doubt as thoughts feel like breaking out of his mind as cons, their find no way out
    Every passages are armed like an army, sturdy to stop airs, locked like the gray cloud
    He stays proud but not figuring out why he wants to go back to the starting line
    After this Hard time, what does he have apart crimes? Nothing but a white star in mind
    [url]https:

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Re: Fast Lane

    Joe explained it all.... @obese

    Cheers for the feed bro...

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Re: Fast Lane

    uppin........

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  7. #7
    Newbie Obese Chess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    46
    Battle Record
    0-1

    Re: Fast Lane

    I figured that's what it was, it's just a little more esoteric than a lot of stuff. Again, I very much dig extended metaphors, and the way it was written made me say "oh, this is cool, I don't even have to know what it's about to like this."

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Re: Fast Lane

    cheer bro

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Re: Fast Lane

    Uppin' 2

  10. #10
    *Raw Thoughts* Puma1996's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    244
    Battle Record
    1-1

    Re: Fast Lane

    ok well i liked the concept here
    your vocab was great and multis were really used well
    the structer of this was pretty decent aswell i thought this part hit me the hardest though

    His dark memory population attack his heavy head, earning no freedom
    Burrowing, searching for a better life, trying to escape his burning kingdom
    ^^ loved this part showed the most emotion and thought imo
    keep writing,liking your work man

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Real Eminem 1999 - 2006

    Lil Wayne Killed My Hobby !

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Re: Fast Lane

    thanks bro....

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Re: Fast Lane

    Uppin.........

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! F63's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    127

    Re: Fast Lane

    I really like the double rhymes in each line, but I just can't seem to rap to that fast of a tempo. Good piece, just it harder for me to feed it cause I can't rap really fast.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Re: Fast Lane

    Uppin' leave links and I'll RTF

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title! -ANIMAL-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    206
    Battle Record
    2-3

    Re: Fast Lane

    ......Bump

Similar Threads

  1. Fast lane
    By Prolifik28 in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: July 8th, 2011, 03:21 PM
  2. In the Fast Lane
    By Steven William in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: February 26th, 2009, 01:51 AM
  3. Fast Lane
    By Hood Star in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: November 25th, 2006, 01:07 PM
  4. Fast Lane
    By Plexus in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: November 22nd, 2005, 04:33 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •