Thoughts

[Absolut420]

I'm right where I need to be
there aint nothin' that you could of told me
scold me?
bitch you dont own me
now i'm lonely
barely eatin
struglling to stand
I'm a man
but my life aint going according to plan
bad decisions maybe
but i made em' with good intentions
and my life is crazy
gotta learn to play my position
if I cant I might not make it to see my seed
liquor and weed
got me aggravated in need
of an intervention
would i listen
hell no
I sell dro to get the cash clothes and the cell phones
writing rhymes seems to be a way out so I concentrate
up late recording trying to get a house on a lake
maybe its fate that put me in this place where i'm at
breathing heavy like i'm having a asthma attack
panickin
i'm only getting older with time
i'm on my grind so heavy that its hurting my spine
but dont nobody see what i'm doing they think i'm a joke
inhale smoke and cry while i bag up dope
and cant trust chicks you niggas just as bad as you hoes
you wont even think to speak until you see me at shows
closing my eyes I project myself to a place
where i'm outta the struggle
eating lobster and steak
who am I kidding that might not even end my pain
lifes insain no sunshine its nothing but rain
obstacales
its a miracle I aint in a hospital
or toe tagged in a morgue
cold as a popsicle
maybe then I would finally get some sleep
if i'm 6 feet I cant imagine nothing but peace
these thoughts creep
in and out of my mind i'm fine what I cant do in real life
I realease in my rhymes
in due time things be working themselves out right?
praying is what I should do before I sleep at night
especially
not to let the bullshit get the best of me
acquire weaponry and get you when your least expecting me
to get a sentence its so easy
just squeeze and its finished
who am I kiddin
thats outside of my physical limits....Absolut

[WhatsHisFace]

Not bad, a little on the mediocre side to be honest with you. Its your structure mainly that was bugging with me. You should type more in one line before staring a new one because somewhere around the body the rhyme scheme got mixed up and did damage to the flow of the piece. But something that was really interesting is using one word lines. You should experiment on that, it adds much more power and meaning in the piece. For example,
who am I kidding that might not even end my pain
lifes insain no sunshine its nothing but rain
obstacales
That was really cool how you summarized a couple things in one word. Keep writing.