In the Mists

[143]

I heard her spoke words that made men cry senselessly
Even give politicians the propensity for rabid intensity
Thinking immensely that she is more than a non factor
Laying media detractors to impact her personal grandeur
Yet it wields laughter that barter bitter outrage and malice
Contract personal alliance with people to overthrow the palace
Bring civility walls around the ankles who's blind to the pain
Bind by chains, tied to the verbage that align to the insane
Claims of boss niggers further sustain the intricate mist
Inflicting from the lips a line that widen syndicate riffs
With college papers tagline be those of her recent conquest
Grinding against the national headlines that leaves a mind convex
So she rise to the tops of ravage buildings in starving ghettos
Feeding words that feed souls from Harlem to Soweto
Let those who feel the wrath, representing faces stand tall
Having gall to taunt watchers for the man, placing hands on all
I still love the strength and power from fresh viewed vocals
Yielding totals that turn youthful hopefuls into educated locals
Simplifying the mist, she presents truth that shadows struggle
Battles and tussles that often bend directions of savaged muzzles
With this Queen of Righteousness, I fight like tomorrow has hope
And watch the mist dissipate, let rise and conquer the black vote
While crying men and angered politicians are degraded to assholes
We lasso our new found complex fate that's as simple as her afro....

[143]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showpost...41&postcount=7
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showpost...52&postcount=3
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showpost...68&postcount=3

[ItoldUIwasFat]

this piece had a great structure to it..flowed so well it
was like water. this had a subtle feel it dunno how to describe it
sorta like the a calm before a storm type of feel. the intensity
of the wrds is def there but i could picture a smooth laid back
delivery to this if this was a audio..dunno just the tone i pick up
from this.

With college papers tagline be those of her recent conquest
Grinding against the national headlines that leaves a mind convex
So she rise to the tops of ravage buildings in starving ghettos
Feeding words that feed souls from Harlem to Soweto

the depth and emotion in those few lines really stood out and showcased some serious imagery...greay post dude

[Express'on]

i think this had a solid flow I would have preferred a few more multis to keep the read fast but as far as rhyme scheme goes this was little over par.

content was hit and miss: for example

Bring civility walls around the ankles who's blind to the pain
Bind by chains, tied to the verbage that align to the insane

(miss)
Ankles can't be blind...but u could have switched around "bind by chains" and "blind to the pain" as they are almost perfectly rhyming, but would make more sense switched. imo

(Hit)
With this Queen of Righteousness, I fight like tomorrow has hope
And watch the mist dissipate, let rise and conquer the black vote

nice imagery and flow...not a perfect rhyme "has/black" but enough assonance to keep it smooth.

This overall was a fun read...a couple ?'s for what side were u on...using the "er' always irks me...(personal feeling) whether its a pro or con notion...not that I'm affected just bothers me a tad bit. But whatever...this was a good read hopefully I can read more...

rtf: a political piece: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...259/index.html

[143]

Ok the Ankles line is not in the same context of the immediate 2 lines but refer to the overthrowing of the palace and the view of this piece is as if it was done like an observer who has some media ties that he's liking this activist and her views. Thanks for the feed.

I will hit all links

up

[AussieRep]

was a good read nice multis in there as well keep up the good work

[xetc]

damn, every piece posted here has bomb multis and vocab, i dont even scratch the surface, i loved the intro to this, i read it over and over and tried to spit it cause its just raw. dude, record this shit and paste it up, id be glad to hear it. ill vocab and content, really well made

[Prophet Margin]

Top marks in vocab and content, as usual.

This rhyme scheme wasnt as strong as some ive seen from you, but you made up for it with the flow, so it didnt matter so much.

A few favs:

Claims of boss niggers further sustain the intricate mist
Inflicting from the lips a line that widen syndicate riffs
With college papers tagline be those of her recent conquest
Grinding against the national headlines that leaves a mind convex

First bar had the dope rhymes obviously, idk why i liked the second, i think just cuz the whole "leaves a mind convex" thing is such an original metaphor.

Let those who feel the wrath, representing faces stand tall
Having gall to taunt watchers for the man, placing hands on all

I love extended multis. Only 3 words on this, but its easy to spot and nice to read (faces stand tall/places hands all). LOL reminds me of the time i tried to rhyme a line with every syllable of supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (or however its spelled)

I still love the strength and power from fresh viewed vocals
Yielding totals that turn youthful hopefuls into educated locals
Simplifying the mist, she presents truth that shadows struggle
Battles and tussles that often bend directions of savaged muzzles
With this Queen of Righteousness, I fight like tomorrow has hope
And watch the mist dissipate, let rise and conquer the black vote

Straight dopeness, best part of the piece.


I think what i actually liked best, is that, typically with your style (copious multis and vocab, complex metas etc.) often times you have a really really complex poetic feel to your pieces, or else more of an abstract feel, which is dope, but this piece, not only could you understand every line of it perfectly, it was kindof a political drop too, something i could DEFINATELY see on a beat in a song (which cant be said for a few of your pieces, theyre more like extremely dope epic poems ya dig?) lmao.

Overall great shit, i feel like youre improving, staying dope as usual

stay up dawg

Oh, and this reinforces my assertion that you are indeed better than KnowP, Vinzr, me, and the rest of writers in CD/IP....You wont be under the radar much longer i feel like, youll get some HOF's coming your way soon. lmao NOT trying to dick ride or anything, just my opinion. peace.

[143]

Thanks PH for the feed, I appreciate the time given reading my work. With that being said....

up....

[143]

boost...