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Thread: Daily Routine

  1. #1
    Newbie
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    Post Daily Routine

    Hey everyone this my first drop on the site please leave me some feedback thats the whole reason I kinda joined the site to see how my shit compares to others and to get some constructive criticism. Thanks in advance.

    DAILY ROUTINE


    [Verse 1]
    I create more rhymes in a day then babies are born in a year
    Overpopulation is near so I hope this metaphor is clear
    Tryin not to get to complicated but you know my head is loaded
    Wit complex rhyming schemes that fuck your brain till it exploded
    Kind of hope you got that noted jotted down on a piece of paper
    Cause my words cut through you fakes like a star wars lightsaber
    Just say im going on my Darth Vader my swag is creatin a crater
    Slating you for execution first beheading all the haters
    And this is just a tribute to all the people doubtin me
    Dont get under my skin cause i can act pretty foul you see
    You might say that im out acting or acting out whatever
    But im on a clever endeavor to sever you from me forever
    No one better im hot like wearin a sweater in summer
    Its a bummer that I have to cut you down like you were lumber
    Postin pics up on my tumblr of you tumbling down Timber
    Im cooking all of you but for now just stay on simmer

    [Hook]
    I'm writing like this everyday Like a beat its looping
    No Obstacle will ever stop me from my daily routine
    Its just a thing I have to do an unbroken habit
    Dont wanna get rid of it so haters you cant have it

    [Verse 2]
    I always write daily and you know it never fails
    Gotta keep in practice or my rhymes will be going stale
    While yours lost their crunch and there flavorless
    And gettin dissed by me is a privilege so savor this
    Im sayin this for a reason and not listenin is treason
    Im so fucking cold ill make the hottest record freezing
    By listening your breathing in my toxins and fumes
    But their the opposite of dangerous so dont you assume
    If i release a plume of smoke its a hazard to your health
    And I never rolled up green but I still get rhymes in wealth
    Got a Contradictive nature say things that dont make sense
    Though it might be because I have a higher level of intelligence
    The moment I started rapping I saw that you got tense
    If my skill was measured in weight it'd be ten elephants
    That was a simple simile that i sporadically said
    Now its time for me to leave this verse tactically dead

    [END]


    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...34#post8239934
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...84#post8239884
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...72#post8239872

  2. #2
    Express'on is EVERYTHING Express'on's Avatar
    Join Date
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    35
    Posts
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    Battle Record
    3-3

    Re: Daily Routine

    This was ok...the beginning was dope i think that there were to many cliche similies and it draws away from the concept...your rhyme scheme was pretty simple not overly simple but def could use a few more multis...i do like the style and the chorus was on point. stick around bro def interestin on reading ur next one
    "the ink of a scholar, is worth a thousand times more, than the blood of a martyr"--lupe fiasco
    "I'm sonnin' ya'll like father's day/disrespect pop and get popped like Marvin Gaye" Skillz


    WRITTEN VOICES

  3. #3
    Newbie
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    Re: Daily Routine

    Bump?

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! SenecaHaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    584
    Battle Record
    7-1

    Re: Daily Routine

    i thought you made a good attempt at multis in this... your story rambled and went off topic it seems. I do like that you try to use a larger vocabulary then the average but you gotta make sure that it fits with bar... or its forced. Otherwise good first try keep practicing.

    this was decent

    I'm writing like this everyday Like a beat its looping
    No Obstacle will ever stop me from my daily routine
    Its just a thing I have to do an unbroken habit

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  5. #5
    "great work" ItoldUIwasFat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    2,785

    Re: Daily Routine

    def your first verse in this was dopeness..seems the second
    fell completely short of the first one making the overall feel
    to this ok..but your first verse really good IMO the first two
    lines to this was very nice..dope metaphore..
    keep posting my dude

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