Slayer, this was not the best I've read from you, but it is the best rhyme scheme I've read from you, big improvements there. Your flow was iffy in spots and your word choices could be improved. There was decent imagery here and the story telling was alright but you've done much better previous work. emotion had it's presence but it really wasn't commanding me to feel anything, emotion could be made stronger and made to make me feel empathy or sympathy. Keep getting better man, I know you will.