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Thread: Nightmare Stare

  1. #1
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Nightmare Stare

    Nightmare Stare
    -for fucks sake

    In This Order
    Shunned1
    Langston Views
    Caiyo
    Storyteller


    *Ok. Everybody lets head up on to the library time to read up on some gold ol' stories ladies and gentlemen.*

    what is thought to be a figment, manifests into existence,
    malevolent apparitions, wanting not to believe what isnt,
    but the thoughts leech, constrictive, set plots to breach decision,
    as your tryin not to dream a vision, that'll reap & leave incisions,
    this freddy kruger fleet that's rippin, creepin on some sleepless victims,
    murder is the king of privilege, like were demons of discreet religions,
    prescripted affliction....depicted doom sparks a catlyst,
    of a murderous march to madness, feeding on your shattered bliss,
    sink into a black abyss....soul's consumed, cancerous,
    bring poltergeist's to pacifist's...leave the mind inanimate,

    See I'm a monster,
    Hoarding malices to thoughts
    Eradicating the soul,
    Draining hope dry
    -left cackling in the cold.


    I’ll get inside your subconscious, fuck around with your mind
    Explore your deepest of fears, and bring it all to the line
    A dream you’ll never forget, nightmare that’s one of a kind
    Make your hairs stand at the ends, and send a chill down your spine
    It’s Freddy Viewz, I leave cuts when you sleep, awake with scabs
    Mistakenly stab ya self, possess you with knives you grab
    A poltergeist to your soul, you won’t find me in a closet
    Television imprisoned HA!...satanic composites
    Remember me forever, I’ll haunt you through your thoughts
    Paranoia permanently imbedded and can’t be fought.

    *Alrighty , guys sunshine time. Let's get out and Walk, stretch people. Thirty minutes and were back in for reading.*

    A nightmare invented, sick & demented, yea I'm twisted
    coasting with these visions, of my victims that I listed
    see, courage as I come, it is pointless, faintly wasted
    intentions to break bones, & rip flesh, leave you faceless
    see the thing about fear is; I adore it & feel the essence
    pitch stares & my shadow shows slightly threw luminescence
    while sleep, Im that cryptic pain; map quested in your mind,
    watch my knife equipted in both hands, drive into your spine
    adolensense? I was a real problem child, use to torture kids
    now im a horror,... a complete nightmare everyone forbids

    After all the massacre,
    I nourish into their fear.
    Sleeping in their skin,
    And sipping the blood
    -of innocence


    Picture this.
    Me skinning the bitch and getting excited when cutting through,
    Deboning with fists, smiling cause I'm finally touching you.
    Sharpening the edge with the base of your teeth,
    Then cutting the ligaments to prevent you running from me.
    Inside this varicose of screams I'm sticking my foot to organs,
    Then lay you down with the blade gutting and twisting you open.
    See..
    I'm more of the physical type getting rough on the body,
    Smelling the heart and soul decay after days of sexing it sloppy.
    No disguise everybody fears the other side of me.
    Cause it lives in the dark reaching for the next victim as we speak...

    *lights out... Everybody lay down an those those eyes. Time to IMAGINE what it looks like on the out side.. It could be beautiful or could be hell doesn't matter to me as long as tomorrow I see your face*  

    If only you knew my personal situation,
    And the reason why I live here and they built this administration.
    Formed this asylum and hand picked this organization.
    This is my family protecting me from mental frustration.
    Cause my habit of infatuated mutilation,
    Cunningly sleeps and eats with me to pose demonstrations.





    Will grab links later
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  2. #2
    Express'on is EVERYTHING Express'on's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    Ok for 1 yall all came hard...rhyme schemes were on point, vocab nice, reading speed was nice (so it didnt drag)...story telling was decent alot of imagery the only thing I didnt like is it didnt really seem like a collab tho...It literally felt like 5 of the same thing...just different points of views...I understand getting the concept...but I think everyone should have taken just a part of it...neways this was still dope as shit
    "the ink of a scholar, is worth a thousand times more, than the blood of a martyr"--lupe fiasco
    "I'm sonnin' ya'll like father's day/disrespect pop and get popped like Marvin Gaye" Skillz


    WRITTEN VOICES

  3. #3
     Murder The Mainstream Nohbody's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    Quote Originally Posted by Storyteller View Post
    [center][font=Arial]Nightmare Stare
    -for fucks sake

    In This Order
    Shunned1
    Langston Views
    Caiyo
    Storyteller


    *Ok. Everybody lets head up on to the library time to read up on some gold ol' stories ladies and gentlemen.*

    what is thought to be a figment, manifests into existence,
    malevolent apparitions, wanting not to believe what isnt,
    but the thoughts leech, constrictive, set plots to breach decision,
    as your tryin not to dream a vision, that'll reap & leave incisions,
    this freddy kruger fleet that's rippin, creepin on some sleepless victims,
    murder is the king of privilege, like were demons of discreet religions,
    prescripted affliction....depicted doom sparks a catlyst,
    of a murderous march to madness, feeding on your shattered bliss,
    sink into a black abyss....soul's consumed, cancerous,
    bring poltergeist's to pacifist's...leave the mind inanimate,

    See I'm a monster,
    Hoarding malices to thoughts
    Eradicating the soul,
    Draining hope dry
    -left cackling in the cold.
    This was sick. Great vocab. . .had multis, but not over done. Alot in the way i write where as i like to stagger and pace my multis so the whole things not just 1-2-1-2-3 / 1-2-1-2-3. very vivid. . great intro

    I’ll get inside your subconscious, fuck around with your mind
    Explore your deepest of fears, and bring it all to the line
    A dream you’ll never forget, nightmare that’s one of a kind
    Make your hairs stand at the ends, and send a chill down your spine
    It’s Freddy Viewz, I leave cuts when you sleep, awake with scabs
    Mistakenly stab ya self, possess you with knives you grab
    A poltergeist to your soul, you won’t find me in a closet
    Television imprisoned HA!...satanic composites
    Remember me forever, I’ll haunt you through your thoughts
    Paranoia permanently imbedded and can’t be fought.
    again, very visual. Not as "wordy" as the first. . . but the flow never stumbled and the ideas were on point. I really liked the closing lines and so far, the transitions have been pretty good over all

    *Alrighty , guys sunshine time. Let's get out and Walk, stretch people. Thirty minutes and were back in for reading.*

    A nightmare invented, sick & demented, yea I'm twisted
    coasting with these visions, of my victims that I listed
    see, courage as I come, it is pointless, faintly wasted
    intentions to break bones, & rip flesh, leave you faceless
    see the thing about fear is; I adore it & feel the essence
    pitch stares & my shadow shows slightly threw luminescence
    while sleep, Im that cryptic pain; map quested in your mind,
    watch my knife equipted in both hands, drive into your spine
    adolensense? I was a real problem child, use to torture kids
    now im a horror,... a complete nightmare everyone forbids
    This had highs and lows. . . The flow wasnt as fluid to me as the other verses honestly. Like, some of the wording made some of the lines read weird and seemed like different ideas just stuffed into one bar and forced together. BUT, you do manage to stay inside the story

    After all the massacre,
    I nourish into their fear.
    Sleeping in their skin,
    And sipping the blood
    -of innocence


    Picture this.
    Me skinning the bitch and getting excited when cutting through,
    Deboning with fists, smiling cause I'm finally touching you.
    Sharpening the edge with the base of your teeth,
    Then cutting the ligaments to prevent you running from me.
    Inside this varicose of screams I'm sticking my foot to organs,
    Then lay you down with the blade gutting and twisting you open.
    See..
    I'm more of the physical type getting rough on the body,
    Smelling the heart and soul decay after days of sexing it sloppy.
    No disguise everybody fears the other side of me.
    Cause it lives in the dark reaching for the next victim as we speak...
    lol, this is what a nightmare is more like. These illustrations are certainty more demented then the previous verses. Not just, look at me im scary. . but i like the visuals you threw out there and can just image some dr. satan lookin motherfucker chopping a slut up on his kitchen counter lol . . good shit

    *lights out... Everybody lay down an those those eyes. Time to IMAGINE what it looks like on the out side.. It could be beautiful or could be hell doesn't matter to me as long as tomorrow I see your face*  

    If only you knew my personal situation,
    And the reason why I live here and they built this administration.
    Formed this asylum and hand picked this organization.
    This is my family protecting me from mental frustration.
    Cause my habit of infatuated mutilation,
    Cunningly sleeps and eats with me to pose demonstrations.
    cool closer. . kind of of abrupt, but hey, most homicidal maniacs eventually end up in mental wards right?? lol

    Overall. . a dope collab. Each verse complimented the other, nobody strayed off the assignment, and a nice collection of sick thoughts. . you guys pulled it off..

    and if yall get a sec to return feed. . .

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...277/index.html

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    An armed man is a citizen,
    An unarmed man is a victim
    .

  4. #4
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    yo all i can say the imagery and vocabulary skillz were ill as fuck. There is really nuthin to critique here everything was on point. this was the illest collab i seen in awhile. i like the raw style with a little twist of overall vocabulary spills yall ill lol. love to see more

    rtf

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...308/index.html
    [url]https:

  5. #5
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    I'll rtf those links in a minute

    Pz
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  6. #6
    it aint hatin if you suck I-M-E's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    you all seemed to do your things on it, none really threw the flow off, vocab was real nice on this, very well done collab...haha seems you each coulda even jus made your own drops with each part extended a bit, but this was def prob a fresher idea to collab it, def a really good read, yall got skill
    The Hip Hop Sounds Of...
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  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    The idea of different points of a nightmare sanity was the idea how he thought he was this and that made of stories but it was all just thoughts and wishes and dreams that made him get in the asylum
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
    Cosa Nostra The Gwapfather's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    Shunned1: dope stuff dude, real nice use of vocab and imagery, flow stayed on point as well, nice work..

    Langston: you had a cool verse as well homie, not as fancy with the vocab but had solid imagery..

    Caiyo: your verse had lines that stood out and some that didnt so much, as if some of your lines you just more effort into, still a nice verse though..

    Storyteller: you stuck to the topic the best prolly out of everyone, but everyone did a good job with that, just seemed you really went in on the horrorcore part a bit more, had good imagery and vocab through out yours as well, at times some lines could have been tweeked a lil but nothing major..

    Nice collab homies..

  9. #9
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    Word thanks gwap
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  10. #10
    Khancepz Shunned1's Avatar
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  11. #11
    Trajik Viewz Str8 JackIt's Avatar
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  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Snale's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    Nice drop, sick/sadistic, but you kept true to your topic and gave the readers a vast amount of imagery through out the entire drop. I don't know if you planned the order, but I liked the order you dropped. I felt like the opener had the best flow and really started the drop off right, the closer wrapped it up nice, and the middle men told the story and held the readers attention.

    Good piece
    The Assassin

    Nightmares
    You have them, I'm in them

  13. #13
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    Yeah I organized it in beat sequence as possible to depict the crazy in him thanks snale I'll rtf your OM drop
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Snale's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    Quote Originally Posted by Storyteller View Post
    Yeah I organized it in beat sequence as possible to depict the crazy in him thanks snale I'll rtf your OM drop
    Appreciate it
    The Assassin

    Nightmares
    You have them, I'm in them

  15. #15
    Kundalini Hustler ૐ Daughter of Gaia's Avatar
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    Re: Nightmare Stare

    what is thought to be a figment, manifests into existence,
    malevolent apparitions, wanting not to believe what isnt,
    but the thoughts leech, constrictive, set plots to breach decision,
    as your tryin not to dream a vision, that'll reap & leave incisions,
    this freddy kruger fleet that's rippin, creepin on some sleepless victims,
    murder is the king of privilege, like were demons of discreet religions,
    prescripted affliction....depicted doom sparks a catlyst,
    of a murderous march to madness, feeding on your shattered bliss,
    sink into a black abyss....soul's consumed, cancerous,
    bring poltergeist's to pacifist's...leave the mind inanimate,

    (You would think intensive vocab such as this would suffocate the fluidity of verses, however in this case, it didn’t. The rhyme scheme is very well structured with your word choices here. Verse 6 didn’t ring with me, didn’t make sense, but that is just a personal observation. Loved the metaphorical play in verses 2, 7,8.)

    I’ll get inside your subconscious, fuck around with your mind
    Explore your deepest of fears, and bring it all to the line
    A dream you’ll never forget, nightmare that’s one of a kind
    Make your hairs stand at the ends, and send a chill down your spine
    It’s Freddy Viewz, I leave cuts when you sleep, awake with scabs
    Mistakenly stab ya self, possess you with knives you grab
    A poltergeist to your soul, you won’t find me in a closet
    Television imprisoned HA!...satanic composites
    Remember me forever, I’ll haunt you through your thoughts
    Paranoia permanently imbedded and can’t be fought.

    (This stanza was my favorite. Each verse flowed very well into the next. At first, verse 5 didn’t made much sense, but after re-reading it, it did. When one is stricken with fear, I guess it would be difficult to have control holding a knife. Lol. Even though you lacked in metaphors, I loved the fluidity of your writing. Creative in it’s own unique way.)

    A nightmare invented, sick & demented, yea I'm twisted
    coasting with these visions, of my victims that I listed
    see, courage as I come, it is pointless, faintly wasted
    intentions to break bones, & rip flesh, leave you faceless
    see the thing about fear is; I adore it & feel the essence
    pitch stares & my shadow shows slightly threw luminescence
    while sleep, Im that cryptic pain; map quested in your mind,
    watch my knife equipted in both hands, drive into your spine
    adolensense? I was a real problem child, use to torture kids
    now im a horror,... a complete nightmare everyone forbids

    (The punctuation use in verse 2 was unnecessary. Verse 3 didn’t make sense, assuming you are coming from a ‘murderous state of mind’… just didn’t ring with me. The position you hold when writing was a bit confusing coming from verse 3 and 5. Maybe I’m just not reading it right? Some grammical errors made it a harder read than the others.)

    Picture this.
    Me skinning the bitch and getting excited when cutting through,
    Deboning with fists, smiling cause I'm finally touching you.
    Sharpening the edge with the base of your teeth,
    Then cutting the ligaments to prevent you running from me.
    Inside this varicose of screams I'm sticking my foot to organs,
    Then lay you down with the blade gutting and twisting you open.
    See..
    I'm more of the physical type getting rough on the body,
    Smelling the heart and soul decay after days of sexing it sloppy.
    No disguise everybody fears the other side of me.
    Cause it lives in the dark reaching for the next victim as we speak...

    (After, Picture this, verses 1 and 2 was really creative and right it away it set the tone for me. Toward the end, it was pretty ‘gross’, but enjoyed the fluidity of your verses. The ending was dope. The approach you took related well to the concept. Good metaphor play in verse 8.)

    If only you knew my personal situation,
    And the reason why I live here and they built this administration.
    Formed this asylum and hand picked this organization.
    This is my family protecting me from mental frustration.
    Cause my habit of infatuated mutilation,
    Cunningly sleeps and eats with me to pose demonstrations.

    (Loved the ‘wrap up’ of this piece, it describes the group consciousness behind the literary approach you guys take as a whole. Nice piece and displayed a variety of creative styles from the members of the group.)
    Last edited by Daughter of Gaia; July 25th, 2011 at 01:10 PM
    InFecKted Mushroom

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