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Thread: In this Box

  1. #1
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    In this Box

    In this Box
    By : Caiyo

    quiet...
    *whispers*


    In this box most critics despise of us alot,
    To sell rocks, overdose on coke, or get shot
    In this world they don't give options to survive
    meth heads waiting on the next hit to get high
    Now an days wearing colors could be fatal
    they tell fables, then give us a list to be labeled
    critizied in the end were just right to do wrong
    Melodies tend to mix up emotions to get along
    latly i've been tokin, to pass time and heal pain
    I even try to avoid conversation to maintain
    Never attempted to have dreams or make goals,
    and never warmed up to ideas, cause lifes cold
    In this sufforcating box we call earth is absurd
    Imaginating a movement to strive gets unherd
    contiplating on clients, victims die everyday
    problems forshadow us so we struggle to find ways
    Carcrashes, suicides, grown men touching kids
    whipflashes, homicides, teen girls in explicit vids
    History deminished me just remembering slavery
    constantly faithful, these hard times of laboring
    In this box, were cornered, trapped in a dream,
    so we pop beans coated with syrup and cop lean.

    Please Focus!

    In this box were trapped everyday is a stuggle, we face situations
    that end up deadly if not mentally prepared..
    So in this box just think about the future or your always be held captive...

    In this box...


    -Caiyo
    Last edited by Caiyo; June 19th, 2011 at 03:16 AM
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    No Struggle, No Progress.
    [SOUNDCLICK]10645652[/SOUNDCLICK]
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    Silence!,
    you fools.


  2. #2
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    Last edited by Caiyo; June 19th, 2011 at 08:01 PM
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    No Struggle, No Progress.
    [SOUNDCLICK]10645652[/SOUNDCLICK]
    .
    Silence!,
    you fools.


  3. #3
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    Leave links
    .

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    No Struggle, No Progress.
    [SOUNDCLICK]10645652[/SOUNDCLICK]
    .
    Silence!,
    you fools.


  4. #4
    huh? Vinzr's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    This wasn't too bad. There were a few gramatical mistakes here and there but wasn't really an ongoing issue. I think the message was delivered across although, a bit more could have been added to really engage the readers but for the most part it was good. The flow was okay but there were some parts that lacked a few syllables and really took away from the flow. The topic wasn't the most creative but you added a bit of your own flavour to it so yeah. Overall, this was a good overall piece.

    If you have time check my OM drop out; http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...930/index.html

  5. #5
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    eh iight..will do asap
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    No Struggle, No Progress.
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    Silence!,
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  6. #6
    COSA NOSTRA Bongkers's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    Thought you started off a bit slow, but you definitely picked up the flow n improved your multies at certain points..

    Carcrashes, suicides, grown men touching kids
    whipflashes, homicides, teen girls in explicit vids
    History deminished me just remembering slavery
    constantly faithful, these hard times of laboring
    In this box, were cornered, trapped in a dream,
    so we pop beans coated with syrup and cop lean.

    I felt your flow was at it's best here, and you tied the verse well together at the end which was cool.. the concept was cool too.

    You got the idea down, only advice I can really give is try implement more complex vocab and multies into your verse as it can make the flow nicer.. but multies aint' everything and a lot of people force them, nothing was forced about this drop so wd. Overall it was pretty good.

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  7. #7
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    thank you..wrote it on a blak berry so grammar came out chopped a bit..but iit was done in like 30 min tops.
    .

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    No Struggle, No Progress.
    [SOUNDCLICK]10645652[/SOUNDCLICK]
    .
    Silence!,
    you fools.


  8. #8
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    This was cool finally see some topical work of yours it starts slow but picks up pace and the emotion ties in with some decent content man. The story was cliche but still good to ride with. I like how you kept it subtle and not to divorced with rushed images you let it sink and paint it nicely keep it up


    Rtf:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=452779
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  9. #9
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    thanks
    .

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    No Struggle, No Progress.
    [SOUNDCLICK]10645652[/SOUNDCLICK]
    .
    Silence!,
    you fools.


  10. #10
    Touch My Beard Extinctor Draconis's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    need one more feedback link, mate.

    once you get one more I'll edit this post with feed.

    thank you for leaving good feedback in the links you posted, btw
    De Kapitein

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  11. #11
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    Done.
    .

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    No Struggle, No Progress.
    [SOUNDCLICK]10645652[/SOUNDCLICK]
    .
    Silence!,
    you fools.


  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Lies.'s Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    nice, i wonder where you copped the inspiration.

    [YOUTUBE]C2O7AztwwwM[/YOUTUBE]

  13. #13
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    watching the news^^
    .

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    No Struggle, No Progress.
    [SOUNDCLICK]10645652[/SOUNDCLICK]
    .
    Silence!,
    you fools.


  14. #14
    Silence! Caiyo's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    Up's..
    .

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    No Struggle, No Progress.
    [SOUNDCLICK]10645652[/SOUNDCLICK]
    .
    Silence!,
    you fools.


  15. #15
    Elevated like Seagulls El Heisenberg's Avatar
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    Re: In this Box

    spelling errors here and there.. and a concept that most rappers wrote @least once or felt like writing.. though its not original concept this was good regardless.. flowed pretty good
    nice imagery. i like that. whenever your imagery outshines flow, complexity, etc. its nice drop

    return fav
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...89#post8140489

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