16 lines
4 hours.
The Archetype
Jeffry
16 lines
4 hours.
Last edited by The Archetype; June 14th, 2011 at 01:21 PM
yep
It's funny..my major in college is architecture so ill body you sir with no problems,
He's got trolls and dick riders on all corners, if im a serf, then you're a goblin,
Only time Arch is strapped is when hes wearin his seat belt,
I ended H.Mccoy, he got banned, now ask him how he felt,
He's fresh outta the slammer.................but im Plaxico Burress,
You're only good for closin battles, other than that you're pretty much worthless,
Nikki minaj jizzed on her haters, while she went down on my dick,
i'm pissin on your golden arch, like r. kelly did on that 13-year old white chick,
You don't even do the FL ranks right, even if they are done weekly,
Im higher than where im at right now, why the hell do you even bother critique me?
I deserve to be facin -marv- not taytay, im better than that fool,
im tryin to reach you arch, im tryin but you aint worth reachin from a step stool,
you'll prolly win, because i don't have dick riders that are shit full,
you're on that swift shifty swag both of you are simply fuckin pitiful,
Ask you to critique my battles but thats askin too much, you never do,
this dude failed economics, because arch could never share the revenue...
fml. 16 lines...
Well...
No matter what you spit it's guaranteed you'll get ripped
Sure you're raps are more than words... in physical form they're shit
I'll be on some sniper shit. Bullets will shatter your bones and joints
Arch'll shoot a J from long distance like I was trying for 3 points
Asking me for tips to get better? I recommend you stop whore
Cuz if i'm helping you elevate... it's just to drop you from the top floor
You're wack as fuck. Battling other noobs for wins isn't enough
It's funny how you keep going to John and always wind up as the one getting flushed
Jeff, your chick is hideous. Fuck her? I'd rather suffer a gory death
He'll swear she's All That... really she just looks like Lori Beth
You never get to pipe chicks. Claim you're a pimp? Yeah right bitch
If you're ever considered a Mac it's cuz you're verses are just like his
Your drops are all atrocious. We'll never see him key something great
The only time that Jefferson a nigga is when Thomas was fucking slaves
You'll never amount to anything. Saying you're wack's the best thing you've ever said whore
Cuz we know that Jeffry... decent shit is usually paid for
...blah...
nice drop arch...
bump
upppppp
Jeffry
It's funny..my major in college is architecture so ill body you sir with no problems
He's got trolls and dick riders on all corners, if im a serf, then you're a goblin
dont see the sting factor here by calling him a goblin, didnt see this connect well enough with me to call this a punch, i did see the name thrown in there but u coulda ran with it to a hard hitting punch if u put some effort with the creativity..but instead the 2nd line was irrelevant to what u stated. try to make the lines connect somehow if u can, if that makes sense...weak opening line overall
Only time Arch is strapped is when hes wearin his seat belt
I ended H.Mccoy, he got banned, now ask him how he felt
same thing here, felt the set up didnt really have to do anything with the following closing line. also, the "the strapped only with seatbelts" concept is played...on and off this site. its a pretty average set up...with a basic closer. saying someone else got banned doesnt have the connection with arch because hes a mod and never got banned, i think..so really asking him how he thinks feels more filler than an attemptt in my eyes..
He's fresh outta the slammer.................but im Plaxico Burress
You're only good for closin battles, other than that you're pretty much worthless
finally i did see a punch here, its a semi personal jab but it could've been wittier or a bit creative for the most part.
Nikki minaj jizzed on her haters, while she went down on my dick
i'm pissin on your golden arch, like r. kelly did on that 13-year old white chick
this was a real light tap of a punch, reason being 2nd line had stretched concepts while having unneccessary filler. if u removed "13 year old" it would've polished the flow making it much better, but the "get pissed on like r. kelly" jokes are pretty old, i get that u added the nameplay but if the delivery of the punchline is not there than it makes the set up or execution is pretty much steering your attacks the wrong way..
You don't even do the FL ranks right, even if they are done weekly,
Im higher than where im at right now, why the hell do you even bother critique me
filler couple lines here, didnt see a punch or anythin that i can see..
I deserve to be facin -marv- not taytay, im better than that fool
im tryin to reach you arch, im tryin but you aint worth reachin from a step stool
try to avoid using words repetitively like "tryin" unless its "a" "and"..etc. didnt feel u getting personal with him yet, seems like u focus more on other textcees besides who you should be trying to hurt
you'll prolly win, because i don't have dick riders that are shit full
you're on that swift shifty swag both of you are simply fuckin pitiful
again, the direct approach here is missing. ur too busy dropping names then end up jus sayin "your pitiful" which isnt dissin at its finest form..its weak on angles however i look at it but u need to get more up in your face like..
Ask you to critique my battles but thats askin too much, you never do,
this dude failed economics, because arch could never share the revenue
average bar/closer..nothing really i felt that can hurt someone but it is what it is..
vs
The Archetype
No matter what you spit it's guaranteed you'll get ripped
Sure you're raps are more than words... in physical form they're shit
ok concept, ok hit. only thing i can say is the wording at "sure you are raps.." is basically what u mean so keep an eye on the punctuation if it shouldnt be there because it adds unwanted words while your trying to make a hit come across
I'll be on some sniper shit. Bullets will shatter your bones and joints
Arch'll shoot a J from long distance like I was trying for 3 points
another ok hit and concept, felt multi usage with "bones and joints" would elevate the complexity..
Asking me for tips to get better? I recommend you stop whore
Cuz if i'm helping you elevate... it's just to drop you from the top floor
a decent hit again, flowed right and set up was relevant to the execution
You're wack as fuck. Battling other noobs for wins isn't enough
It's funny how you keep going to John and always wind up as the one getting flushed
a tad bit run on with the 2nd line but it connected, finally i see a personal here..
Jeff, your chick is hideous. Fuck her? I'd rather suffer a gory death
He'll swear she's All That... really she just looks like Lori Beth
almost a funny punch, but the picture and All That reference was a good touch to the punch
You never get to pipe chicks. Claim you're a pimp? Yeah right bitch
If you're ever considered a Mac it's cuz you're verses are just like his
ok..ish. it has an ok concept but wasnt delivered into a solid hit imo.
Your drops are all atrocious. We'll never see him key something great
The only time that Jefferson a nigga is when Thomas was fucking slaves
nameplay was sorta okay..but the fucking slaves concept wasnt quite doin it for me..i see the connect but maybe its the wording that didnt make this bar a solid hit. it did connect just wasnt strong..
You'll never amount to anything. Saying you're wack's the best thing you've ever said whore
Cuz we know that Jeffry... decent shit is usually paid for
weak closer..set up was stretched and the closer was really short, so it makes the bar awkward when spittin..
Verdict
i felt an obvious better understanding of punches coming from Arch. thought for the most part in his piece he was connecting, (not strong) but there were more some blows landing which did enough for me to vote. i seen jeff coming way to indirect like when u were name dropping a bunch of textcees but neither seemed relevant to archetype unless u ended up saying "you guys suck" or "you're pitiful"...its pretty weak to be saying overall. arch had 2 weak moments or atleast that i seen when certain jabs didnt connect well enough to land, or the set up wouldnt flow smoothly with the punch. still a decent drop from arch's side..but an average attempt from jeffry. didnt see anythin fresh that hasnt been done before, but punch wise and coming more direct with personals and nameplay i give this to arch for coming somewhat creative when it came to the disses..keep elevatin to both textcees.
Vote-> The Archetype
arch if u can return some feed..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...442/index.html
hope thats not a conflict seein how im facing jeffry but i did drop an honest vote..this is how i seen the battle and in no way am i hatin on u jeff cause we're goin head to head..
feed back would be appreciated when u can get to it @ archetype, anyways..peace fellas.
He's fresh outta the slammer.................but im Plaxico Burress,
You're only good for closin battles, other than that you're pretty much worthless,
I got a chuckle out of this lol
vs.
No matter what you spit it's guaranteed you'll get ripped
Sure you're raps are more than words... in physical form they're shit
Asking me for tips to get better? I recommend you stop whore
Cuz if i'm helping you elevate... it's just to drop you from the top floor
Your drops are all atrocious. We'll never see him key something great
The only time that Jefferson a nigga is when Thomas was fucking slaves
lol, wording was a lil off I think, but I lol'd
V - Arch
No matter what you spit it's guaranteed you'll get ripped
Sure you're raps are more than words... in physical form they're shit
I'll be on some sniper shit. Bullets will shatter your bones and joints
Arch'll shoot a J from long distance like I was trying for 3 points
You're wack as fuck. Battling other noobs for wins isn't enough
It's funny how you keep going to John and always wind up as the one getting flushed
Your drops are all atrocious. We'll never see him key something great
The only time that Jefferson a nigga is when Thomas was fucking slaves
You'll never amount to anything. Saying you're wack's the best thing you've ever said whore
Cuz we know that Jeffry... decent shit is usually paid for
-this nameplay was straaight.. pretty solid verse
vs
Nikki minaj jizzed on her haters, while she went down on my dick,
i'm pissin on your golden arch, like r. kelly did on that 13-year old white chick,
-ehh, golden arch nameplays are kinda played, this wasnt flipped great but ur best line yet
Ask you to critique my battles but thats askin too much, you never do,
this dude failed economics, because arch could never share the revenue...
arch def got this, no hate to jeff but u didnt come that great
Jeffry
He's fresh outta the slammer.................but im Plaxico Burress,
You're only good for closin battles, other than that you're pretty much worthless,
Nikki minaj jizzed on her haters, while she went down on my dick,
i'm pissin on your golden arch, like r. kelly did on that 13-year old white chick,
vs
Arch
No matter what you spit it's guaranteed you'll get ripped
Sure you're raps are more than words... in physical form they're shit
I'll be on some sniper shit. Bullets will shatter your bones and joints
Arch'll shoot a J from long distance like I was trying for 3 points
You're wack as fuck. Battling other noobs for wins isn't enough
It's funny how you keep going to John and always wind up as the one getting flushed
Your drops are all atrocious. We'll never see him key something great
The only time that Jefferson a nigga is when Thomas was fucking slaves
this battle was pretty one sided. Jeffry some of your bars didnt have punches they just rhymed. Arch just had an all around better verse.
v/Arch
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Asking me for tips to get better? I recommend you stop whore
Cuz if i'm helping you elevate... it's just to drop you from the top floor
You never get to pipe chicks. Claim you're a pimp? Yeah right bitch
If you're ever considered a Mac it's cuz you're verses are just like his
Jeff, your chick is hideous. Fuck her? I'd rather suffer a gory death
He'll swear she's All That... really she just looks like Lori Beth
You're wack as fuck. Battling other noobs for wins isn't enough
It's funny how you keep going to John and always wind up as the one getting flushed
vs
Only time Arch is strapped is when hes wearin his seat belt,
I ended H.Mccoy, he got banned, now ask him how he felt,
He's fresh outta the slammer.................but im Plaxico Burress,
You're only good for closin battles, other than that you're pretty much worthless,
Ask you to critique my battles but thats askin too much, you never do,
this dude failed economics, because arch could never share the revenue...
Eh, decent battle, but imo..Arch's verse was just better in every aspect; although Jeffry had some good punches/concepts and all that..I feel Arch's stood out more; I posted what I liked from each verse above.. but yeah mvgt/ Arch due to this being a clean an easy catsweep.. no hate.
V/Arch
[YOUTUBE]C2O7AztwwwM[/YOUTUBE]
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