Demonic Verse

[Linus]

yo im writing a devilish/anti god song.
here a verse and the chorus
any thoughts?
(btw everything in brackets is satan)


even Jesus christ cant save my life, no not tonight, at least just spare my wife!
i just walked- straight into Belial's sights,
(your gonna die..)
YOU will NOT shoot my lights out in vain, demon
over my dead body (well that can be arranged)
fuck i do not need this please, i am on my fucking knees
i am weakened and repentant, just leave me in fuckin peace!
(in pieces you mean?) im a decent human being i swear...
(mother fucker i dont care) dammit!
i try to ham it up in life like bitches front of candid camera
then its like kadabra man cadavers walking like a damn apocalypse
its like, im fucking, being stalked around, by monsters,
i got this crazy feeling John Gotti is here to haunt us, or haunt me,
but fuck it! now im loading up that tommy
and shooting christians up because lucifers my new proxy
and jesus is in peices and marys in my jalopy
and god is fucking dead, so theres nobody here to stop me..

my devils on my trail
ringing on that bell heavy
hes down in triple six hotel to get my cell ready
for a stay
a vacation im chasing like chevy
if im going through fucking hell, im ready


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...019/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...135/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...195/index.html

[Well Versed]

jeezus...well this was interesting...i am a FIRM BELIEVER in GOD...so this was a lil rough...i think ur concept was well covered...but i just dont like it...ur flow was nice...i mean i got lost one or two times...but w/e...ur wording was good...metaphors were ok...n vocab was ok...i mean for a piece like this...i dont really know what to say...i think u shud find better concepts tho...something even more inspiring...anyways thats what i thought...keep on writing bruh!

[MADDNES53]

Title: demonic verse
it was always my impression that the truly demonic would no have to announce itself as such. that is why children are creepy. nah mean?


yo im writing a devilish/anti god song.
just write it. dont tell me you're going to write it.

here a verse and the chorus
we can see that

any thoughts?
ask this at the end. if at all. people are here to give their thoughts

(btw everything in brackets is satan)
clever <--sarcasm. you should record this. the voice of satan works better than brackets


even Jesus christ cant save my life, no not tonight, at least just spare my wife!
funny how you can rhyme and still ask jesus christ to spare your life. maybe i am not a fan of jesus, but i dont know how many lives he actually does save. i think that you can refine this metaphor/line/

i just walked- straight into Belail's sights,

do you mean Belial? your spelling is wrong.

i like that you have a demonic theme. i would love to see how you can grow as an artist and i will look out for other pieces from you

[*J.R.*]

even Jesus christ cant save my life, no not tonight, at least just spare my wife!

Weak. Very, Simplistic. 3.5/10
i just walked- straight into Belail's sights,
(your gonna die..)

Meh, 5/10
YOU will NOT shoot my lights out in vain, demon
over my dead body (well that can be arranged)

too long of a set-up for this rhyme. 6/10
fuck i do not need this please, i am on my fucking knees
i am weakened and repentant, just leave me in fuckin peace!

3 fucks in one bar. The fuck? Lol jk. Umm..6.5/10
(in pieces you mean?) im a decent human being i swear...
(mother fucker i dont care) dammit!

Swear, care, Flow AWFUL. Mean and being, decent. 5/10
i try to ham it up in life like bitches front of candid camera
then its like kadabra man cadavers walking like a damn apocalypse
Fail set-up, rearrange. 7/10

its like, im fucking, being stalked around, by monsters,
i got this crazy feeling John Gotti is here to haunt us, or haunt me,
but fuck it! now im loading up that tommy
, best bar. 8.5/10

and shooting christians up because lucifers my new proxy
and jesus is in peices and marys in my jalopy
and god is fucking dead, so theres nobody here to stop me..
8/10, Middle line could flow better.

my devils on my trail
ringing on that bell heavy
hes down in triple six hotel to get my cell ready
for a stay
a vacation im chasing like chevy
if im going through fucking hell, im ready

Chorus= Simplistic.

6.5/10

[Linus]

Title: demonic verse
it was always my impression that the truly demonic would no have to announce itself as such. that is why children are creepy. nah mean?


yo im writing a devilish/anti god song.
just write it. dont tell me you're going to write it.

here a verse and the chorus
we can see that

any thoughts?
ask this at the end. if at all. people are here to give their thoughts

(btw everything in brackets is satan)
clever <--sarcasm. you should record this. the voice of satan works better than brackets

how the fuck is any of that relevant?
if your gonna feed on someones shit feed on their rhymes, not the shitty intro to it that took 7 seconds to write.

[MADDNES53]

Do you know anything about marketing?

P.S.

Your profile pic blows.

[Linus]

do you realize this is a fucking forum?

PS

your a faggot

[MADDNES53]

Learn the difference between you are and your.