Paper..

[Jon]

paper..
plastered me,
empty bottles never lasted me..
& when sparks fly
it's 4th of July;
and our nation's famous Uncle
is tugging on our pockets.
we let it burn -
tree's for gasoline,
ironic isn't
the word for adding fuel to the fire..
wealthy in the sense of -
using a renewable & unlimited object,
to remove the bigger worry..
& when the worry is gone,
we'll dig our hole even deeper
until the other-side of the rainbow
is reached; still out of reach.

paper..
Gave us the nautilus
and the nautical mile
It offered tissues
For our despair
And an alternative to coins, and phrases
Like ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’
It’s a factory made fabric -
smithed in the guild
of the little furry green greedies
And they always get their way
I’m a reserved man
With a countenance of Carnegie steel
and the iron will… of, umm
some other long lost mechanical mogul
Your dreams
have been rendered confetti of the psyche

First verse - Jonathon
Second verse - halfshavenbanana

[Mantra]

jon i'm still mad you beat me in haiku so i'm going to close this if you don't get your links

[Jon]

rawr.. touche'..

will do tomorrow

*procrastinates*

[Lumbee]

nice.. i like this piece, puts things in perspective. the empty bottles metaphore was dope jon. "we let it burn, trees for gasoline"<----ironic indeed. HSB, your part was even more representative of public opinion to me.
"It offered tissues
For our despair
And an alternative to coins, and phrases
Like ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’
It’s a factory made fabric -
smithed in the guild
of the little furry green greedies"
kinda comical, and at the same time the money doesnt grow on trees part is very relatable to alot of mindsets. good poem collab here guys.. keep it up.

[Dor_tos]

I really liked this, I felt the rhyme to it. It’s unique, I feel emotion here. paper..
plastered me,
empty bottles never lasted me..
That part was unique, I liked how you used two different things and put them together, paper and glass, very good
Mantra- really? You'd use your godly powers like that?

[lostinlove]

It could use capitalization, a lot of it. It doesn’t paint any kind of picture in my head at all either. I also see references that all add up to one thing and I like that.
& when sparks fly
it's 4th of July;
and our nation's famous Uncle
is tugging on our pockets. I like how those two different parts go together. I just wish it had more imagery to it.

[Dor_tos]

I like it its different

[unadored]

Read this a few days back, was gonna leave feed then,
Jon, good stanza, everything flowed well and was thought out. This would sound awesome over a beat and the 'trees for gasoline' I liked a lot, can't say anything more.

Half, always enjoyed your references and use of language, it's something I look for in your pieces. Thought you had a good idea when talking of money, detailed imagery too.
Enjoyed this, a good collab and both writers shone.

[Mantra]

links by tomorrow.

[PyroMania]

it was dope i like the good use of vocab.. stay up. keep writting

[Mantra]

pm me the links and i'll open this back up.