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Thread: 16 bars

  1. #1
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    16 bars

    Enjoy and plz feed, leave RTF link if you want...


    try to live my life in the shadow of my eyes
    you'll soon realize it's hard when you get criticize
    this ain't no lie, the pain in my heart
    could tare my whole body apart that would leave a mark
    I don't swim with sharks, I'm a damn prey
    I shake when I take a chance, must be another way
    to join with the greats, and make a change
    and build it in my brain so I can feel the same
    the all powerful, the hours of configuration
    sense of anticipation knowledge information
    the crater of humanity upon each of my shoulder
    each time I spit the desert froze like polar
    I swear each bar gets colder, like a lonely road
    the devil's on to me, this is my last note
    each chord in my throat shrinks when I spit
    I once took a trip and got lost upon it's rift
    fuck bitches and assholes I run upon it solo
    I've been a victim of hell, how to bring in hope
    how to bring in hope when your a dying soul
    looking for gold but everything froze in the cold
    look at history it's misery at it's finest
    to define this, replace a plus with a minus
    and sign this, knowing that it's the chance you take
    hopefully to make it or break it, this is fate
    each step you take brings you closser to paradise
    each pair of dice I promiss has it share of lies
    you can't win each gamble with a rhyme in mind
    it takes a lot of time, and each word to be define
    and building my vocabulary one word at a time
    each word of a genius would have a ladder to climb
    to define knowledge would be to break boundaries
    I'm a wordsmith, the greatest of all artistry
    Last edited by AlphaMetric; May 21st, 2011 at 11:36 AM

  2. #2
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    Last edited by AlphaMetric; May 22nd, 2011 at 11:31 AM

  3. #3
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    Re: 16 bars

    Absolutely loved it man. Great multis. Great metas. Loved how you were able to have some pretty complex mutlis, but not get off track and still make your solid closure with each bar. Vauge concepts that flowed very well, and kept attention. Witch is a difficult thing too do. I loved the metas the most your piece.

    Nice drop homie.

  4. #4

    Re: 16 bars

    ...wow
    iBeast

  5. #5
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    Re: 16 bars

    Quote Originally Posted by Esc0BosS View Post
    ...wow
    can you elaborate plz?

  6. #6
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    Re: 16 bars

    up... i'll have my third link tomorrow sometime if that's ok....

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    Re: 16 bars

    had a great flow all the way through it had good mutis like someone said and it was a good subject peice

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    Re: 16 bars

    ok...

  9. #9
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    Re: 16 bars

    Really Felt the Flow of this and i like the concept plus the emotion given. U had a good choice of vocab and multi usage was on point.

    Fav. Line
    look at history it's misery at it's finest
    to define this, replace a plus with a minus
    and sign this

    Just Overall the multie usage was tight here and liked the choice of wording.

    Keep Writing looking foward to seeing more from you. 1

  10. #10
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    Re: 16 bars

    damn everything was cleverly written. rhyme scheme and multis was really good.
    some parts sounded weird like this one

    I swear each bar gets colder, like a lonely road
    the devil's on to me, this is my last note

    Overall it was good though

    rtf if you can
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...014/index.html

  11. #11
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    Re: 16 bars

    word....

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    Re: 16 bars

    boooo....

  13. #13
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    Re: 16 bars

    if u get some time drop a feedback thanks

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...060/index.html

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    Re: 16 bars

    Quote Originally Posted by joeboston View Post
    if u get some time drop a feedback thanks

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...060/index.html
    that'd better count for 2 link haha... but damn, I got two huge pieces to rtf so far, prob tomorrow morning bro... I'm feeling lazy tonight :\

  15. #15
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    Re: 16 bars

    nvm.... yooo, joe.... your next piece you do ill rtf it.... I got no time to read that link man...

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