Daydream

[Ace the Prophet]

Song I wrote for my girl. To the I Don't Deserve You Instrumental by Lloyd Banks and Jeremih. Video for the instrumental included

[youtube]8K8U6X9p2WE[/youtube]

[chorus]
Now this is all I see when I open up my eyes
The love I knew I’d find that could give me all the highs
Just by lookin’ in her face, sayin’ Baby, you’re amazing
I swear you’re like a daydream

Cuz baby you’re perfect…
I know that you’re worth it…
You’re just my perfect
Daydream!

[Verse 1]
I let my eyes close…just for a second
Thought of a time when my life would be perfected
The sun was bright enough to blind everything I saw
‘Cept the Goddess of my dreams walkin’ on without a flaw
A bright white dress...petals on the floor
A fresh bouquet of flowers, such I look I can adore
A smile that had frozen everybody who had seen
But her eyes say she’s mine, love I’m livin’ such a dream!
Heh…and this is what she knows
The one she’s always wanted is the one who’s standin’ close
The one she’s walkin towards, the one she is assured
Will keep on by her side through her life forever more
And as she’s getting closer she knows it all is true
When I give her all my love and I say “It’s all for you”
And everything shines through my heart that’s in the ring
Then I started wakin’ up and no part of it’s a dream

[chorus]
See this is all I see when I open up my eyes
The love I knew I’d find that could give me all the highs
Just by lookin’ in her face, sayin’ Baby, you’re amazing
I swear you’re like a daydream

Cuz baby you’re perfect…
I know that you’re worth it…
You’re just my perfect
Daydream!

[Verse 2]
Let it be just for the moment, let it be just for the day
Let run into the night, let it be when I awake
Let it be what I believe, let it be what I can take
When I lead you down the path where we can just runaway
It can be all that we see, It can be all that we know
We can do it real fast, or we can just take it slow
Let’s just keep a tight grip, promise we won’t let it go
We can keep it young forever and just never ever grow!
Heh…Cuz I’m just too in love
It’s anything you want, baby, I can’t do enough
Just think of all the places and other destinations
Where we’ll try to fly into without hesitation
First class plane ticket, dinner reservations
Moonlit beach house, endless relaxation
Anything to show you that everything is great
And you can have it all by the second you awake

[chorus]
Cuz this is all I see when I open up my eyes
The love I knew I’d find that could give me all the highs
Just by lookin’ in her face, sayin’ Baby, you’re amazing
I swear you’re like a daydream

Cuz baby you’re perfect…
I know that you’re worth it…
You’re just my perfect
Daydream!

[Verse 3]
Let’s just keep our eyes closed, let it take us over
Fill it with your perfume and all of its aromas
Match it with the dress that you purchased just for Vegas
Keep it comin’ with the laugh I swear is so contagious
Switch it up to stunning wearin’ nothin’ but a jersey
Killin’ with them looks, gotta tell ya to have mercy
Put it all together and it’s nothin’ but amazing
Like God I love ya baby, you’re just such a daydream


Links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...848/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...890/index.html

[Ace the Prophet]

Up...I got at a couple pieces already..I'll get back to yours if you peep this

[IVIario]

I let my eyes close…just for a second
Thought of a time when my life would be perfected
I feel as if there should be a pause in the second line. Like after like...would be perfected. Nah mean?

The sun was bright enough to blind everything I saw
‘Cept the Goddess of my dreams walkin’ on without a flaw
Nice flow here.

A bright white dress...petals on the floor
A fresh bouquet of flowers, such I look I can adore
Feelin these 2 bars here man. Good imagery

A smile that had frozen everybody who had seen
But her eyes say she’s mine, love I’m livin’ such a dream!
Good

Heh…and this is what she knows
The one she’s always wanted is the one who’s standin’ close
Nice bars

The one she’s walkin towards, the one she is assured
Will keep on by her side through her life forever more
And as she’s getting closer she knows it all is true
When I give her all my love and I say “It’s all for you”
I cant find the rhymes in the first 2 bars? "Assured, more"? Last bit is good.

And everything shines through my heart that’s in the ring
Then I started wakin’ up and no part of it’s a dream
Good feeling isn't it.

Let it be just for the moment, let it be just for the day
Let run into the night, let it be when I awake
Let it be what I believe, let it be what I can take
When I lead you down the path where we can just runaway
Some multis here would really make this part really great. Simple rhymes.

It can be all that we see, It can be all that we know
We can do it real fast, or we can just take it slow
Let’s just keep a tight grip, promise we won’t let it go
We can keep it young forever and just never ever grow!
Diggin' this part. I like your flow. Simple rhymes but it works.

Heh…Cuz I’m just too in love
It’s anything you want, baby, I can’t do enough
Just think of all the places and other destinations
Where we’ll try to fly into without hesitation
First class plane ticket, dinner reservations
Moonlit beach house, endless relaxation
Anything to show you that everything is great
And you can have it all by the second you awake
Ahh, heres some multis. Pretty good.

Let’s just keep our eyes closed, let it take us over
Fill it with your perfume and all of its aromas
Nice. I like the word "aromas" I wouldn't have thought of a rhyme for that.

Match it with the dress that you purchased just for Vegas
Keep it comin’ with the laugh I swear is so contagious
Switch it up to stunning wearin’ nothin’ but a jersey
Killin’ with them looks, gotta tell ya to have mercy
Put it all together and it’s nothin’ but amazing
Like God I love ya baby, you’re just such a daydream
Ok ending. Could have been better.

Overall, Nice piece. I could really feel how your feeling, cause I know what your talking about. I think you should try out some different rhyme schemes besides a,a,b,b,c,c. You had a few others tho I noticed. Pretty good vocab in spots too. Keep dropping bro. Rtf mine if you get a chance. Peace.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...925/index.html

[lostinlove]

I like it, it's romantic. ^_^ just could have added a bit more images.

[Witty]

This was cool. You have your flow on lock, that's one thing that stuck out to me straight away, I had no difficulty in reading this at all. There's not really a lot I can say about this, because it's a love song, and it's personal. You had all the basics down, you could have used a wider range of vocabulary, and you could have thrown some more multies in there, but other than that, it was alright. I'd like to see you writing on a different topic, a unique topic, something that hasn't been done before, I think you'd surprise yourself with how good it comes out. Keep writing dude, and keep elevating, read work from others at all times, take constructive criticism, and you'll just keep getting better. We never stop learning.

[Solidus]

A bright white dress...petals on the floor
A fresh bouquet of flowers, such I look I can adore

Visually Stimulatin...Im feelin it, Folk. Art is a movement in itself, & your flow definitely keeps up with the progress.

I let my eyes close…just for a second
Thought of a time when my life would be perfected

Couldve been a better opener, but it starts the concept on the ball rollin. Good job.

Where we’ll try to fly into without hesitation
First class plane ticket, dinner reservations
Moonlit beach house, endless relaxation
Anything to show you that everything is great
And you can have it all by the second you awake

Im diggin the multi- skill, & the image painted.

Overall, you've got a romantic canvas covered in meltin flow. I'd say about 7/10. Good work, keep it up.

[Jukon]

Aight this was pretty solid duke. No real complaints just that it was a bit simple, you got the basic idea of this shit so I won't go too far into detail. Ur flow was nice and I feel it fit the beat nicely so u did a good job writing to it, some people have a lot of trouble with that (like myself) so props on that. You could've been a little more creative with your concepts though, I felt a lot of them were kind of cliche` and played but aside from that I have no real complaints. Keep practicing.

[Kid Craze]

I really like this, your flow is awesome, i could even catch flow bwfore i read it with the instrumental, so thats good. I like your figurative language as well, that is a big part of creating an image and keeping it interesting. Your vocab was pretty good too, your higher vocab really helped to spice it up alil and improve upon the flow. My only problem is that the way you came at the topic wasn't as fresh as it could of been, juss a lil tweak with your take on the topic could really bring this piece to an entirely new level, and considering the level your already on, thatd be pretty damn good! keep it up!