Microphone 2.0

[trajik]

I wanted to write a verse for Slaughterhouse's Microphone, and I did, but after posting it, I grew less and less impressed by it. So rather than fixing it up, I wrote a new one which I think is much better.




I'll tell you about me, in the form of a memoir though
i have a large head but an anorexic torso
people use me as a weapon within a war zone
they also call me Mike and use me to perform shows

emcees will grip me in a dominant fashion
intent to deliver a murderous tongue lashing
towards an opponent whom they lack compassion
their passion filled words will produce devastassion

devastation, filling opponents with trepidation
shouting in my ear to cause shame and mental abrasion
handling me as they win crowds with their lyrical persuasion
one of the greatest to hold me in battle was Asian

I'm utilized to spit their verbal fury on track
some brutalize ears and should not place their palm on my back
because they drool Tylenol while others spit crack
Kris spoke of these emcees, proclaiming them "wick wick whack"

some possessors rhyme hotter than Lucifer's sphincter
they'll vocalize smoking lines you'll consider thinkers
unfortunately other handlers are less than lukewarm
they choke on their broken lines, joking 'cause they can't perform

some can move a crowd but most can hardly move company
these are the whack emcees that ought to be dumping me





links coming. look forward to reading your feedback.


Link no.1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...102/index.html

[trajik]

Link no. 2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...1&postcount=25

[trajik]

Link no. 3
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...107/index.html

[Weeeeeeeeeeeeeed]

its good to have a sequel.. but i personally felt the suspense was built in the first..
then the 2nd version wasnt delivered at the same calibur..

people use me as a weapon within a war zone
they also call me Mike and use me to perform shows

will the microphone have a trilogy?

[trajik]

It actually wasn't a second part. I just didn't like my first one, I thought it sucked and I wanted to do something more creative so I wrote a completely new verse from the perspective of the microphone.

[Tool]

yea man, I didnt hate this

the 'concept' - if you will, or wanna call it that - was clear cut, and u rolled with it pretty well, i fucked with the tone mostly of this and felt some of the things u was sayn

I wud say ur lines need some work,they aint terrible, but ur rhyming ability needs some culture, and it's approach some creativity

keep penning and fuckin round with ish like this though

as I said; I didnt hate it...keep wordsmithing.

feed returned.

[Nahlidge]

You kept with the concept. But it was pretty point blank. I think you shoulda tried to disguise it more instead of makin' the "bein' a microphone" theme so clear cut. Also what would help this is some inner rhymes and try rhymin' more syllables as well. Makes the read flow smoother/more interestin' is pulled off right.

[thatdudeB]

Thought it was pretty good. The topic wasn't anything new, but you pulled it off decently. It didn't seem dragged at all, even though I got the concept right away. The flow was alright. I'd suggest just adding in some multi's to make the read smoother. Other then that, you did pretty good.