Back in time...

[chiboymax]

Just trying a new kind of style it ain't that good yet but I would appreciate some feedback

If only I could rewind
Go back into the time
Back to when I didn't mind
Back to when rap was simple rhymes
I had no problems at school
And I wasn't breaking the rules
Making jokes like april fools
And didn't care about my shoes
When I was just a little guy
Thinking about what is in the sky
And how far a bird could fly
Back to when I wasn't high
And I had no devil inside
Back to when it was cool to cry
I never heard of cocaine
Back to having clear blood in my veins
When I wasn't a part of the game
And the wound on my knee was my only pain
Back to when I saw the sun trough the rain
And there were no bombs on a plane
If only I could go back in time for one single day
I would freeze the clock and enjoy my stay

[chiboymax]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...586/index.html

[chiboymax]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...96#post8021696

[trajik]

First off, you need three links now.

Your vocabulary was extremely simple, I highly recommend using more complex vocabulary. I find it helps with flows and rhymes. You have a very simplistic rhyme scheme, if you were to add multis and internal rhyme schemes, this will make your flow a lot more sound. I'm terrible for this myself, I'm lacking in them a lot, but I also recommend more similies and metaphors, you have a couple. Word play is another good device to improve your writtens, another thing I need to improve on myself. Your topic was great, I relate to it immensely, I always think about back in the day. And you stayed on topic the entire way through. Hopefully you find this pointers helpful, I found them helpful as I try to continue to improve.

Rtf please, my latest work:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...60#post8021860