And So Verse...

[ZipperOnTrousers]

Guys, first of all i just want to say that if I have broken any rules regarding rhyming over someone else's beat feel free to just close this off. I started writing a couple weeks ago now and really wanted to get into rapping for audio. The group that really did make me want to get into all this was Boot Camp Clik... specifically their track "And So". As such i've just recorded a verse I wrote to the And So instrumental... I'm not sure if this is allowed or not as I'm clearly not making money out of this and its only one verse over part of the beat... but anyway here it is:

[SOUNDCLICK]10381595[/SOUNDCLICK]

Lyrics:

I come home and its freezing,
I save and save, still can't afford all this heating.
Me and the bill date can't agree on a meeting
I'm always late - I'm too busy sleeping.
Listen, these payments up on me they creeping
They gather up, then pounce on me like heathens.
I'm seeing
Ice on the windows but none in the freezer
Electrics cut off.
I'm cold like ebaneizer - if only
I had his riches.
Haha maybe one day... that thought has me in stitches.
I've got the itches - not for cars, clothes or bitches.
But for the rent it takes to keep my ass out of the ditches.
And so
I still turn up for work,
Even though I feel like just goin fuckin berserk
Because of bad luck, I'm left down here in the dirt
While the witty fatiguing fat cats smugly smirk.

Feedback appreciated and serious apologies if this is breaking any kind of copywrite... just wanted to pay tribute to one of the best hip hop tracks I've heard.

Thanks
Zip

[ZipperOnTrousers]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...7&postcount=17
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...51&postcount=7

[I-M-E]

ive always liked this beat, you sound very rookieish haha and the quality was bad on this...pretty short track, i can tell you kinda know how to flow just prolly needa write it out better, needa up your delivery and add some emotion to it, your lyrics seem to have some potential, just keep at it and def try to up the quality, im not sure what you use but it just sounds like the computer mic....just keep practicing and listening to others to gain pointers.

[High Cheif]

This had some bad quality, but theres some potential in this...you just need to ride the beat a little better...just keep elevating and keep droppin shit youll get it down.