User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Her Final Words... sad poem/story. True story? May

  1. #1
    Banned Civilized Rebel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    The Beach
    Age
    36
    Posts
    3,625
    Battle Record
    3-1

    Exclamation Her Final Words... sad poem/story. True story? May

    Her Final Words

    Let me tell you a story about this girl I once knew
    She was a suicidal babe and her mood was always blue
    The blood on her wrist has long dried into a crust
    The creepy green light kept her suspended in dusk
    Demons followed her trying to give her a child
    She had to seek sancturary before her mind went wild
    So she ran about as fast as her pretty legs would carry
    Haunted by goblins ghosts and everything so scarry
    They chased her past the forest where the deer dance
    But it was at a cemetary where she would take her final stance
    And it was their she stood to fight the demons of hell
    And it was their she stood only to have fallen to hell

    Her final words were "Leave me alone"
    Problems at school trouble at home
    Her final words were "Stay away from me"
    We all know it's the fault of society

    Her final words were "Leave me alone"
    All of her pain no one was to know
    Her final words were "Stay away from me"
    Now her pain is gone and her soul is free

    It was here in the graveyard where she encountered this man
    He was the deadly sin of lust and destined to be damned
    This man was a rat and he lusted after this girl
    He obsessed over her and wanted her to be his world
    But he knew she wouldn't come to him willingly
    So he found a way to make her his with such audacity
    What he did was he took her away to a place of hiding
    He overpowered her with fear she came willing with no fighting
    It was then that he did what he could to her body
    All sorts of torture of knives fire and sodomy
    But if he killed her right then then her soul would've been saved
    Instead he let her go into the world and there was something she craved
    She become as obsessed as him 'cept she didn't lust
    She wanted control over her life but that became a bust
    So she did the one thing of control and committed scuicide
    Her souls been damned to hell God's law she has defied
    And now she's tortured forever by the man that she hated
    Into every crevass of her body and her mind he invaded

    Her final words were "Leave me alone"
    Problems at school trouble at home
    Her final words were "Stay away from me"
    We all know it's the fault of society

    Her final words were "Leave me alone"
    All of her pain no one was to know
    Her final words were "Stay away from me"
    Now her pain is gone and her soul is free

    Who would think so soon it would be death she would marry
    After her death her body returned to the cemetary
    And her soul was lifted and sent to the gates of hell
    Past Cerberus, river of Styx, she knew the sulfer smell
    For taking her own life she was punished so severly
    But hell didn't do it, her rapist punished her freely
    Every time he wanted her he would simply grab her arm
    And punished her in ways he wanted, causing shame filled harm
    There was no escape in the things that he would do
    So she cried the whole time... she knew not what to do

  2. #2
    ShaYneA
    Guest
    THIS PEICE WAS AMAZING

    ooooooh i love when i get to reply wit xcitment lol

    Let me tell you a story about this girl I once knew
    She was a suicidal babe and her mood was always blue
    ^nice intro you lettin us know whats going on but not forshadowing to wahts going to become of her

    She had to seek sancturary before her mind went wild
    So she ran about as fast as her pretty legs would carry
    Haunted by goblins ghosts and everything so scarry

    ^ good character description.....gave us a sense of what kinda fem we dealin wit


    And it was their she stood to fight the demons of hell
    And it was their she stood only to have fallen to hell
    ^
    where shit starts takin the necro appeal...yo ucna tell its gonna be intense from that line on its like ut oh .....

    Her final words were "Leave me alone"
    Problems at school trouble at home
    Her final words were "Stay away from me"
    We all know it's the fault of society

    Her final words were "Leave me alone"
    All of her pain no one was to know
    Her final words were "Stay away from me"
    Now her pain is gone and her soul is free



    THAT IS A FUKKIN ILL HOOK those two paragrahs are like something i can picture myself sayin or picture like an animae chick..perhpas the lil gurl from teh KORN video *freak on a leash* that lil blonde gurl in a red dress thats like got innocents in her eyes but death in her veins........i can picture her sayin those two hooks right there no doubt imagry is here and im feelin this.........

    It was then that he did what he could to her body
    All sorts of torture of knives fire and sodomy
    But if he killed her right then then her soul would've been saved
    Instead he let her go into the world and there was something she craved


    ^ this reminds me of suffering from a withdrawl...not from drugs but from a loved one you needin it but it HURTS you but yo uwant it...tmost when it desserts you yano?

    And now she's tortured forever by the man that she hated
    Into every crevass of her body and her mind he invaded
    ^

    simple ryme scheme but yet you can see the image your trying to get across .....again im picturing that lil gurl from hte korn video ......i dunno why


    Who would think so soon it would be death she would marry
    After her death her body returned to the cemetary
    And her soul was lifted and sent to the gates of hell
    Past Cerberus, river of Styx, she knew the sulfer smell
    ^beautiful writing right there...that type of play n scheme is waht makes your poetry so wonderful to read.....you bring life into the stillist words.....make ordinary words stand out ........amazing im in awe

    lastly this peice is brilant very nicely done wel put together the ending was sad but ew knewthat it had to be sad for ht etype of peice that this was........i was compltly in lov ewit this peice and i hand you my upmost respect always have

    hazyluk@hotmail.com
    HAZY be CRAZY <AIM NAME

    let me kno if you intrested in a collab.....

Similar Threads

  1. Another quick short sad story
    By mtv5858 in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: May 21st, 2011, 03:22 PM
  2. My Story.. - A True Story
    By Eck's. in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: April 18th, 2006, 10:09 AM
  3. sad story, (please read)
    By dice-roller in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: December 3rd, 2003, 06:10 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •