Chains

[MCdodne]

Hey guys been writing raps for a bout a year and a half or something and this was my first real attempt at a poem so i know it might not be up to standards it might even belong in OM i can move it if you want but i just wanted some feedback on it (:

FB:http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...436/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...906/index.html
Theres
Chains on my feet chains of Cold steel
Chains i cant see chains i cant feel
i know there there yeah yeah i know there there where? here
Chains on my hands chains of Control
Chains i cant grab Chains i cant hold
Chains on my back Chains of Compulstion
Chains i cant snap chains cant be broken
i know there there yeah yeah i know there there where? here
Chains on my neck Chains of agression
Chains i cant rip these Chains cant be messed with
Chains i cant see Chains keep me here like a rock
Chains i could leave at anytime because there's no lock...

[ItoldUIwasFat]

this has alot of potential man...i gotta be honest and say this wasnt as bad as you think it was you def need some work but hey man that comes with practice and im not going to tell you where to find the manual for writing poetry because it should be something that comes from within...just keep writing and you find your voice...

[N.F.M.]

I like this one a lot. This one has the potential to be either a rap piece, or a good poem. Either way, I think it's sick, and paints a great mental picture. Keep it up.

[lostinlove]

Theres
Chains on my feet chains of Cold steel
Chains i cant see chains i cant feel
i know there there yeah yeah i know there there where? here

In the last like, the third word should be 'they're' and the 9th should be the same 'they're'
Same with the 8th line.

Chains on my hands chains of Control
Chains i cant grab Chains i cant hold
Chains on my back Chains of Compulstion
Chains i cant snap chains cant be broken
i know there there yeah yeah i know there there where? here
Chains on my neck Chains of agression
Chains i cant rip these Chains cant be messed with
Chains i cant see Chains keep me here like a rock
Chains i could leave at anytime because there's no lock...

Other wise, it's good. Needs punctuation