Airplanes Remix (Rate + Feedback)

[illyricist]

[Hook]
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now


[Verse 1]

Lets pretend like we were back in ‘05
Back to a time, when mammy was still alive
Before cancers chokehold, back before she died
Back before i had that frozen cold bitterness inside
Back to a time when i was just an ordinary kid
Getting into fights, and doing ordinary shit
Writing tight rhymes, to make the biggest hits
And biding my time, in hopes of making it big
Now lets insist my dreams didnt exist
Like i was never persistent, to be with mammy like i wished
Like i was never consistent with these lyrics that i spit
And i was never a lyricist, with dreams of hitting it big
But instead, lets pretend we could invert the past
Forget the present, and reverse back fast
To relive the good times, and keep a tight grasp
Hoping if we never let go, they could eternally last


[Hook]
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now


[Verse 2]

Someone take me back to the past
Back to a time of complete contrast
When life was easy, with no responsibilities
I could be free, not worry what would become of me
If only it could bring me back to a time
Before my momma died, and i could save her with my rhymes
If i could spit a few lines, to pay to cure her cancer
But the time has passed and i’ll never know the answer
(Damn)
I wish i could stay young, for the rest of my life
Instead of a dead-end job, working nine to five
I wish my future was brighter than the sun
But i guess, you dont always get what you want
So i guess that this, will remain an unfilled wish
And im destined to live life, filled with anguish
Im determined to chase that shooting star til i get what im owed
So i stay equipt, with a tight beat and a microphone


[Hook]
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

[TheProfessor]

Now this shit is from the heart, dope work man. I don't think it even needs to be an airplanes remix you could write a new hook and use those verses.

[illyricist]

thats my problem, im shit with hooks

[illyricist]

up.

[illyricist]

Rate & Comment

[KnowP]

CLOSED: Links dog... PM them to me

[KnowP]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...029/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...983/index.html

re-opened

[illyricist]

cheers for reopenin

[Prophet Margin]

lol this was dope, i feel you on being shit with hooks too, i got the same problem

but the verses were great, and straight from the heart. RIP to your momma

idk if ive seen to many remixes on this site but this is a good one

[Ace the Prophet]

What up man? I did a remix to this too so I had to peep it, lol. This is pretty good. You definitely followed the Airplanes layout that B.O.B had (starting lines of with the same words, so for you it was "Like I was never"), so that was cool. Flow was pretty dope. Wording was all good. I think in the second verse maybe you coulda swayed away from your mom's death, only cuz you had already mentioned it in the first verse and it seemed a little repetitive to me, but I'm not gonna hate on that cuz I'm sure it still sounds good in audio, so fuck it, lol. Overall it was one of the better pieces I've read here that can fit on a beat, so i really dug it man. Keep it up and get back to me. 1

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...751/index.html

[illyricist]

cheers lad

[Dex'Labb]

i'm glad you are taking a shot at writing to an ACTUAL mainstream beat at least you have an idea on what success is. But, this just didn't flow right..way too many short lines followed by long lines and the opposite...plus, nobody ever says 'invert back' in a mainstream song. Your wording is poor sometimes. I understand what its like to lose somebody to cancer. This was a nice tribute verse. But it's hard to write dedication songs...you're on the right path though. Use another new mainstream beat..what about, hmm...new kanye instru maybe, heres the secret. People are simple. Write lines that you could see all of your friends put in their facebook statuses. It's that simple dawg.

[HeXiDecible]

It is a good piece but i mean how hard is it to write to something that has already been written to and been dug into your head. Good piece still but you have to admit it takes less effort to re-do something.