Why Do We Exist

[Zizou]

this is a dope piece overall man the whole thing flows smoothly vocabs are good and multis are even better. Reading stuff like this is giving me more ideas and the general idea of rhyme schemes keep it up

[Dex'Labb]

Thanks for the read, I hope you try some shit that I did,
- be innovative dawg

[Euphoric]

wow...the first feed i was writing got erased by me accidentally pressing refresh smh.
anyway sup dex, i haven't read much of your work recently (nor have i really been on this site lol) and this drop seems to be my reintroduction to your writing. I'll be honest; as I was first reading the beginning, I thought it devoid of rhymes and to resemble something from a old novel instead of a rap. Well...actually lol that's not a bad thing as I liked the wording you used--not only in the beginning, but throughout the piece. Anyway, as I was reading it--this time out loud--it started coming together much better. The rhymes were there; they just weren't as obvious. The lines themselves flowed pretty well and I thought you had a very nice concept. Lol...this isn't as long as some of your other works (just thought I'd point that out for fun).

Nice job man.

[Traumuh]

sent into the air, the coldest of glares corrode
the surface of my airid cloak.
the one I wear in public, invisiblity.
- made possible by the fakes who feelin' me!Haha, This line was sick.

tonight,
is different. a clockwork orange,
champagne on the rocks of an akward form

This nigga tried to rhyme with orange.

no flirtin' with no girls, no pefect ass days,
no hate and no love, no purpose to stay,
no war and no peace, no burnin' remains,
of powerful empires, that lurk in the gray
oppertunities collide - the turnin' of waves
& We wouldn't be here,
if the universe had it's way.

Truth.

so if you're not livin, then a God ain't winnin'
don't you SEE NOW? SEE NOW, U ain't wishin'....
on NO stars, why the FUCK would they listen?
so get out into the world, & start L i v i n g.

Good finish, Overall a good piece my dude. I enjoyed the read and look forward to more of your pieces in the future.

[Galactus The Devourer]

A frozen scorn of winter drifts in my soul,
Like a lunar eclipse, the world dissapears &..
An echo - unheard - drips through the holes,
Of my uncertainties;
intergalaxtic interference.
static rumours erupt, into shocking doubts..
...flashes of a life as somebody else.
But when the lights go down,
the small struggle to just breathe..
- as if everything Quantum has drowned.
n' it's 1 AM, I can't sleep or vent frustration..
it's as if the final chord is hangin',
- "And Now" - Dun,Dun, - "For Our" - Dun,Dun,Dun -
"Feature Presentation." - DUN DUN DUN, DUNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNN..- into infinity,
ears ringing, I can always hear it...
when I'm silent.



fuckin feeling the frozen scorn soul line, and I dug the break up "feature presentation"

"we're lost people."

I felt the wording right there although simple, nothing really fits better.. we are alone, let there could be dozens of races and species from different worlds visiting each other millions of light years away from us, but the ignorance from most humans is absurd in thinking we are alone... we are lost hurdling away from the center, the center of life, the center were there are trillions of possibilities for life and interaction with different worlds.

word diggin this heavy drop.. and as far as flow, eh its there when read ojut loud for sure.. which is how every verse should be read.

I feel the, Universe in my veins,
the curses from chains, of stars burstin' in flames
no love, no nurses of change,
above, no murderers reign, cause the clouds
in our heads all purge with the rain..
as it falls, all the meanwhile the curtains remain,
closed, there's no shows, no splurgin' on stage
no flirtin' with no girls, no pefect ass days,
no hate and no love, no purpose to stay,
no war and no peace, no burnin' remains,
of powerful empires, that lurk in the gray
oppertunities collide - the turnin' of waves
& We wouldn't be here,
if the universe had it's way.

an' here's some inspiration for the saddest g's
..don't you EVER forget, that WE beat GRAVITY
& WE beat the universe, we all HAPPENED, see
life is a FLAW, just inbetween realities.....
so if you're not livin, then a God ain't winnin'
don't you SEE NOW? SEE NOW, U ain't wishin'....
on NO stars, why the FUCK would they listen?
so get out into the world, & start L i v i n g.


the last part, by far the most motivation shit I read in a minute... your point was well established, and the start of this verse I felt went from a little obscure and maybe lacking a direction to some solid rhymes in the second verse that really carried me into the meat of your drop..


I liked it, and enjoy reading your shit, keep droppin...


and if you could hit my collabo up I would enjoy reading your criticism


"its all in your head"

[Dex'Labb]

Good lookin' Euph, Sinz n' Gal - If yall's got Open Mics out right now I will get back at you on them tonight....n' Gal, really interesting how you started to think like, interplanetary on this one Lol - cause, that's what first inspired me to write this thing, just lookin' up at the night sky on a silent night, thinking 'where do we fit in?' - Thanks for the feedback Dudeee's

[Herbal Master]

I like the flow on this one, its really different. I like the style of the entire peice

- flashbacks, to 1 AM's, close those eyes..
If ya got a solo vibe, can ya hear Manolo cries?
comin' from that proto-type, that girl..

my favorite line it just flows so well, and no matter what way you say it it sounds good lol. Anyway DOPE vocab, nice rhymes, punchlines are weaved in throughout

the madness is, like a wind up song,
n' if you didn't wind it, well, u wouldn't belong.

this line hits really hard and makes you think, i dont know what your meaning is but since you referenced hollywood it seems to me like your speaking of conforming. bro i like this keep puttin in work
Check me out its a short verse that i did quickly id appreciate some feedback

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=441662

[Dex'Labb]

Thanks for the love homieee, Returned!

[QwarterZ]

You got some nice vocab my friend...I enjoyed this piece off of that fact
the idea you presented in the beginning really helps the mindset of the reader focus
you carry on and have that build up, the idea starts to become more fluent
and the vocab just has that grasp on the reader to make sure they're paying attention
which I also liked, it transcends what I usually end up reading, and I like that
you may inspire me to start writing like this again....or not...maybe I'll continue my tomfoolery
either way...keep writing homeslice!

[Dex'Labb]

Ha Qwartz - I like that name better ps, it's like a precious stone I think, anyway, man exactly what I was thinking, - I was trying to motivate myself to extend beyond just writing music but preforming it too....I'm glad you found some inspiration in this man

[Dex'Labb]

hell naaaah I went raw dog - 3 strokes

[Dex'Labb]

Show some love, I'll show some back

[Dex'Labb]

.....just realized how dope this actually is, and the message too. Lol @ dudes who said this verse is 8/10....thats jokes Haa, up! People need to see this, it's motivation!

- don't forget, I'll return any feedback I get on this open mic on a verse that yalls have in open mic, I keep my word

[Dex'Labb]

Let's see 400..then i'll be happy

[oatmeal]

this is dope. Only other verse I've read from you was in SS a week or so ago, and I was impressed by it, so it's good to see you still active in here.

I'll admit, the first stanza gave me my doubts; I wasn't finding the flow to easily, and the DUN DUN DUN part just seemed melodramatic. And though I still think I would prefer for the DUN part to be removed, the rest is good when read as the beginning of the whole; you were revving the engine there.

And that was probably my favorite part of this was - the pace of it all. I felt it was constantly moving forward and gaining momentum. That second long stanza just ripped through, it read easily and fluidly, and was a great way to move off of the building flow of the previous sections. Once I got used to it, I really enjoyed the rhythm.

As far as content, I liked it. The reflection on purpose was clever and intelligent, bouncing around from the question of purpose on a personal level to that as a whole for humanity, which I enjoyed. The language was often poetic but never dense, also impressive. Overall it was well-written on many levels, and I enjoyed reading it. Here are some of my favorite parts:

A frozen scorn of winter drifts in my soul,
Like a lunar eclipse, the world dissapears &..
An echo - unheard - drips through the holes,
...
- flashbacks, to 1 AM's, close those eyes..
If ya got a solo vibe, can ya hear Manolo cries?
comin' from that proto-type, that girl..
starin' with those go-go eyes, & the no-no, I'm-
'not taken.' We'll, girl, I'm a bit taken away...
cause', I feel a bit vacant, like a Motel 8...
after, the apocalypse, how, I oughta' LIVE!
n' I dedicate this as 'ode to the bottomless.'
...
I feel the, Universe in my veins,
the curses from chains, of stars burstin' in flames
no love, no nurses of change,
above, no murderers reign, cause the clouds
in our heads all purge with the rain..
as it falls, all the meanwhile the curtains remain,

its hard to find a short quote in your verse because each lines is so complimentary of the next. I did love the bold part about the universe not wanting us if it had its way, though. So yeah, great verse, hope to see you around OM more often.


if you have some time, please return the favor on my OM here. thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...021/index.html