http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html
Rules and Regulations. Drop by Saturday, Vote by Monday.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html
Rules and Regulations. Drop by Saturday, Vote by Monday.
sup
I'm here to break my own ball and chain..
in.. meh free topic.. ah well
“Living the Dream”
----------
http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/9...ynightmare.jpg
check -
.
.
sub-conscious thought processes, so lucid & sharp,
bloodless veins, fluctuating in her beautiful heart;
once my stainless steel angel with aluminum harp - now
another human that I've only ever viewed in the dark.
how useless is art, to convey this emotion,
these stones have grown ugly in their daily erosion ..
that alarm could start screaming and i may be awoken,
as (once again) your graceful wings are painfully broken.
it's like a hateful implosion when you witness a rape,
knowing you're the only reason that she didn't escape ..
although, He who saves his damsel truly isn't awake,
sobbing echoes down this tunnel as I'm slipping away .. into -
another glistening day. star-shine brightening rooms,
but beauty only resurrects beneath the rise of the moon.
there's not much that separates a bride from her groom,
yet entire planes of existence divide my psyche from you.
every waking second - fraying threads, tied to a loom
those pressured SNAPS are nothing but reminders to move ..
i've sacrificed it all, so i'm entitled to snooze,
as the jazz pianist inside me plays the vicoden blues,
just like you play that game, where you hide from my view
and i fucking hate that game because i'm frightened to lose.
at night, the pursuit of happiness is likely to dissipate,
and be replaced with a hunger for what life couldn't simulate,
this insatiable hunger, 3rd iris eyeing the dinner plate -
stomach tense with hope that you might finally reciprocate. so i,
tried to initiate a meeting for my subtle confession,
but streams of consciousness carried me in other directions.
let it drift, memorizing every bubble's reflection,
soon arrived inside a place bathed in utter perfection.
had a face-to-face with Truth and his brother, Deception -
the latter told me you were just another one of his henchman.
Truth told me this was false, these bluffs were impressive
but his sibling simply wished for me to suffer depression.
asked hundreds of questions, unsure which to believe,
both claiming the other brother had a trick up his sleeve ;
suddenly, i heard you softly whisper to me,
telling me that both these men were villainous fiends -
either side of my conscience will deliver deceit,
and if i return, you'll give what i intrinsically need.
tides then arose quickly from the brim of the sea,
stream washing me back towards my Misses to be.
except the water's now oily, churning wicked & deep
black surface mirror reflecting only infinite grief ..
as we reached the other shoreline, a vividness peaked
and i knew that this was life - i wasn't really asleep.
calm inside your palm, figure timid & weak
saying i can make you strong, make the picture complete.
if i just keep dreaming.. don't listen to the RING or the BEEP
her rosy cheeks, sunrises when i'm kissing her cheek.
is prison, really prison if the prisoner's free?
and once upon a time, had the decision to leave?
i say not.
so i give my wrists permission to bleed
break capsules down to powder & the sniffing proceeds
if i succeed, that damned alarm won't injure her being,
and i won't (once again) see her wings split at the seams
took a permanent residence where i visit my queen,
cuz the angel from my nightmare has me living a dream.
- Black
Last edited by Mr. Black; November 7th, 2010 at 04:13 PM
I'm here to break my own ball and chain..
The False Cartographers.
He had a name - not that he could recall the meaning
Not under the pressure of these falling ceilings
Not while he's lost in a cosmic reeling - among the city's aether
Searching for his name in the dismal weather - turning locks
On vaults of feeling - grooming verdant thoughts, hes rocking, kneeling
Thought -
What has purpose brought but a riddle measured as fickle treasure?
A bird with wrinkled feathers - caught in the galloping thunder
A day dreamer battling slumber - alone in the vicious rain
Beneath the overpass freeway;
A screenplay of grave theater/trappings of wonder
what is his name?
Flying through different frames of the metropolis maze
Trying to convince himself he's honestly sane
Caught in a haze of alchemy experts - tying off beneath balcony networks
Where the clothes of the poor hang ragged with wet dirt
Their chests hurt; scarlet burden - should he don that armor?
Searching for that song he harbors; his heart is certain
He's the wrongful martyr behind this cosmic curtain
Desperate for his name, to break away from the city pavement
Catching different wavelengths from the Gospel's ripping pages
this misty matrix - won't grant passage from the binds of fate
Lost in the violent traits behind the slums iron gate
This is the final place as his gait stalls and dies
With no chance of escaping these walls, divine.
She had a face, but couldn't understand the curves
Nor help but feel like she's falling off of Planet Earth
This has been the plan since birth - a damning curse
Her candle burns, but won't illuminate the desert skies
She follows tracks that span the dirt - that mesmerize and tell her lies
of better lives past this granite turf
...
A head full of ghosts, and blackened faith
She grapples rage facing the battle blades of a lesser fate
Trapped in the weathered plains of the nether's waste
A fettered face - she can't escape who she is
On this desert byway - things are better my way
A useless wish to Heaven's highways
& the Truth, it hits; like a group of brick, or another vocation
She'll watch the desert stars shine down on another location
His name is spelled out in plainest letters beneath the rainy weather
And the thunder's shaking tremors - between the looming monoliths
Crude and ominous - steel towers spell doom for a ruined populace
Caught dead in the middle on confusions continent
His head is a little - airy, like his fading heart
But he shrinks into the shadows, and plays his part
Her face is ugly as demons unleashed from the bowels
The ones beseeching this queen with their screams and their howls
Feed for the final - stay out on the desert plains
Living in the carcass of a vulture's wrecked remains
Her present grave.. no matter her dreams
The passage, it seems - is sealed by the wasteland
& this maid's hand can't shatter the screens
Address the purpose - nervous, searching fruitlessly
For delusions of grandeur to trump the saintly sunrise
Faith laced in dumb sighs, combined with
Unspoken fears of broken gears turning cluelessly
A masterpiece of scattered entropy
still
.. working beautifully
We're all mapmakers writing fiction on a blueprint
but there's no escaping what's been made for us
56-60 lines. depending if you count the really short ones lol
Black:
is prison, really prison if the prisoner's free?
and once upon a time, had the decision to leave?
^so so so sick
Vocab was on point, flow was excellent, the complexity of the rhyme scheme wasnt spectacular but it was on it didnt seem to bother me due to the other elements that carried me through it
this insatiable hunger, 3rd iris eyeing the dinner plate -
stomach tense with hope that you might finally reciprocate. so i,
the metaphorical content for this was nice
the whole picture you painted with the oil spill over the water was sick IMO
and there was something about the structure of this that really hit well for me, mostly it was pretty straight forward, but you threw a curve ball here and there with parenthesis and end caps that were outside the rhyme, pretty original and i think it gave a freshness to the verse as a whole
the content throughout this piece was just incredibly well constructed, although a tad cliche in subject, it is a very accurate delivery for the picture and it didnt feel redundant regardless of the "cliche" choice of topic
Overall: very enjoyable read, and its the type of read where there is enough content that the second time through you just pick up more and more metaphorical insinuations, and other such discoveries, props.
Soulstice:
Not while he's lost in a cosmic reeling - among the city's aether
the fact that you used aether so appropriately and at all is impressive, i thought that it fit incredibly well with the subject content up to that point
Thought -
What has purpose brought but a riddle measured as fickle treasure?
this was so sick, the stop pause approach matched to the delivery of the light bulb type interjection, unique and very well used
structure of this was really good, gave a little back and forth vibe between the characters. (he had a name, she had a face)
the intelligence of this piece is very impressive, you have some very complex ideas related with some very complex vocab and metaphorical content
Overall: i really have no complaints, there was a spot or two i felt you were missing a filler word of some sort, but ultimately its flow was good too
BREAKDOWN
this was basically a clash of poetic titans, the subliminal/metaphorical vibes in every line from both was just relentless, i am quite confident in saying this will be the BOTW without even have read anyone else's verses lol
what my decision came down to was originality and complexity, although his content was complex and rich with subliminal content, i felt the idea as a whole wasnt as unique in black's verse in comparison to Soul's, Soul had a really cool concept/theme running through his verse and i just felt overall he edges this slightly with a slightly better verse. excellent match up. keep up the good work, props to both, and good luck.
v. Soulstice
damn.......clash of titans is right. This battle is championship battle level for real.
Black- my favorite parts of your verse the beginning verse and the last bar of your verse- super powerful. The rest was solid, and you had complexity and flow out the wazoo. The ONLY "fault" is imo you lost some imagery around the 3rd stanza, and instead focused more on emotion and furthering your concept...but imo...you can't ever lose imagery and it's super hard to maintain the level of imagery you started with because it was so elevated, ie "bloodless veins" . Dope verse...and that last line was KILLER lol. you are one of my faves, I have to say.
Soulace- Ill be honest with you...before I read your verse and after I'd red blacks, I was thinking "damn...he can't beat that". I was wrong...completely and utterly wrong. Now, you didn't beat him by alot, in fact I'd say a landslide. What stands out in your piece is the execution of your concept AND your imagery was up to black's level the entire way through. I really have no negative feedback about this verse, I loved it from start to finish...and deserves to be nominated for that hall of woot or w/e.
great battle you two, one of the best I've read in a longgggggggggggggggg time.
vote- Soulstice by a teeny bit, for more consistent imagery >.<.
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"Are you playing with yourself?" "Who said I'm playing, I'm being serious!"
Wow.. this battle's really hard to decide. Black brought a really really cool vibe for me. I was into the struggle he put up with the angel/pill addiction type deal. His flow (in my eyes) was a bit more clean.. very fluid, never fell off, and it wasn't stop and go so it easily read at an easier pace. Soulstice's flow was dope as well, but imo Black's just sick with it in that category. Soulstice's idea seemed a bit cooler. Definitely just as intricate as Black's was... I was really into both drops...
either side of my conscience will deliver deceit,
and if i return, you'll give what i intrinsically need.
tides then arose quickly from the brim of the sea,
stream washing me back towards my Misses to be.
except the water's now oily, churning wicked & deep
black surface mirror reflecting only infinite grief ..
as we reached the other shoreline, a vividness peaked
and i knew that this was life - i wasn't really asleep.
^^^fuckin' sick part from Black.. really enjoyed that section a lot.
Her face is ugly as demons unleashed from the bowels
The ones beseeching this queen with their screams and their howls
Feed for the final - stay out on the desert plains
Living in the carcass of a vulture's wrecked remains
Her present grave.. no matter her dreams
The passage, it seems - is sealed by the wasteland
& this maid's hand can't shatter the screens
^^probably my favorite part from Soul's.. some other good sections as well from both sides.. I can't get too deeply into this shit though because I've gotta get these matches closed.. just thought I'd pop in and give props with a vote.. easily botw imo.. again... so hard to decide. I think Black's drop read easier, while Soul's idea was a bit cooler to interpret.. there were a couple patches in both drops, but nothing to denote the pieces themselves at all really...
I think being forced to choose... I gotta pick Soul. It was a good battle, but Soul just barely edged it on the first read.. if I came back later to read this battle, I could easily see myself voting the other way though..
vote Soulstice
Soulstice wins.
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