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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs25/i/20...do_Muicido.jpg
Tales From Hell
Missing Files: Riverside, California
Shit hit…..
While we dreamt, Ted Bundy was scheming,
Living among the dead, another day another plot
His whole life, irritating like all day screaming
Stakes high at all-time could you connect the dots?
.
.
.
Year 1966, Ted’s mind-set; fuelled by lust and jealousy
Gazin’ through sunset, between her burst- no courtesy
Beyond possibility, usually leavin’ the girls mesmerized.
Hypnotized by popularity, these pearls never realized
The treachery in his eyes too caught up between the lies.
He seemed sugary, sweet until the scene at goodbye.
Anger concealed, he didn’t fit in like a missin’ puzzle piece
Nerves of steels made his face grit, tryna hustle bliss!
Always cunning- typical law undergrad, hailing from the Ville
Charming and cynical, trimmed bristle hair, you know…?
“The Real Deal”, faking slick tricks for a fruitful treat
Popping pills, rockin’ an arm sling on a deceitful street.
“Sweetie, may you help me get these books to my car?
It isn’t far, over the hill, if you’re lucky, I’ll make you a star”.
Once there, the air grew thin, baseball bat in the trunk.
All it took was a sweet strike; then he’d tie them to a bunk.
In a cellar, a blood bank flooded by fear and weeping walls.
Honing his knife, anger and strife near the final breath and fall
As cold as ice, he’d leave their bodies open and lifeless
Then fold the corpses in empty refuse bags- fuckin’ heartless.
Set it ablaze of course, no law enforced, the sky eagle
Still roams in the dark. Stalking prey livin’ among the feeble
Nightmares feed from fear
Striking at will, so random
Sleep- cousin of death.
Last edited by Soul Slayer; September 18th, 2010 at 02:37 AM
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
thats ^ your topic im guessing? cool
checks!
vote links-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...419/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...425/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...421/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...422/index.html
Last edited by Silk Sky; September 18th, 2010 at 09:54 PM
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"Are you playing with yourself?" "Who said I'm playing, I'm being serious!"
you better show lol...
http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f2...arpedclock.jpg
Caught in the Moment
At the very bottom of the clock where my hearts stopped
is the beginning of a number ramp that I can walk up
but every action holds no traction- I keep slippin down
and even passion is retractin- faced with a rippin mouth
I never wanted more than flirts- booze is a water slide
won't close my eyes in the end- animal's slaughter pride
tramp stamped, dropped pants, stuck in throat deep
and I can't stand that he doesn't plan to hold me
mind open wide- staring at the secondhand commandment
praying for the moment when he's done n I'd be abandoned
ti-...
the pain of the inside is pleasure compared to his smile
gun grinding my hip, I concentrate on the checkered tile
on the floor of his kitchen, first date dinner left uneaten
a gentleman with giving hands, that's what I believed in
but now I know even the sweetest guys have their times
when nothing makes sense but the sound of a woman's cries
ck...
He gets off, and I notice that my shirt is torn to shreds
he shakes his head, and I see the future, born for death
slips his gun out, gives a slight nod n flips the safety off
I hear the sound, reminds me of the "tock" of a broken clock
"he jokes a lot" thats the last thing my best friend mentioned
before the doorbell rang and I answered, hoping for attention
to-...
I see the guns face, hollow and simple compared to my own
but there's some grace in the subtle way the metal glowed
and I suppose if it's quick, thats not a bad way to die
they have so many ways now, they'll find him in good time
he takes a step forward, the gun pointed at my heaving chest
I tried to take all the colors in, cuz soon I'd be seeing less
ck...
he laughs and lowers his weapon with a slight hesitation
and I wonder if its strange that I'm growing impatient
he leans down, his tongue out, what a terrible kisser
smacks his lips by my ears and in an unbearable whisper-
"relax baby, this can be our little secret I'm hopin
long as your quiet, I promise I wont ever again be
...caught in the moment"
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"Are you playing with yourself?" "Who said I'm playing, I'm being serious!"
Soul Slayer - Interesting title to go along with your concept. Failure to picture the picture with the story, so work on that next time. Your thoughts were rather shallowly expressed and your abstract ending certainly didn't help much.
Silk Sky - this was a good piece, the best I've read out of 8 pieces. Built up a background of anxiousness as good writing should, and you set the scenery nicely (I recall a tile floor?). Some descriptive detail and subtle deep thinking involved with a somewhat abstract yet obviously connected ending, you take the battle.
vote silk sky.
Concept; I think Silk got this, I was just feeling hers more. Sci, I like how you based your piece off of something that has already happened but thought that maybe it was limiting where you could go with it where as I thought Silk had a pretty cool take on her concept.
Writing techniques; Scientific had some decent personification mixed in there such as the 'weeping walls' and Silk had some cool stuff also such as the 'I see the guns face, hollow and simple compared to my own, but there's some grace in the subtle way the metal glowed' Honestly this was kind of close but I think Silk took this since she had more metaphors etc... in there.
Imagery; Okay, so I have Scientific taking this by a slight. Mainly because of his topic and how well he conveyed the story to the reader. Silk also did good portraying her concept to the reader but I felt that Scientific's painted a more vivid image in my head.
Flow; okay two pieces with internal rhyme schemes, Scientific using a ABAB style and Silk using a AABA type style, Hmm... both didn't use the same rhyme scheme through out though so bleh, as far as flow goes however I feel that Silk's was more effective at making the words slip off the tongue easier, close though... I thought both had pretty good flow.
Overall, I have Silk Sky taking this 3 sections to 1. Not very close in my opinion, thought that you didn't really write as well as you could this week Sci, and thought Silk came just well enough to snatch away the win. Nice battle, keep it up.
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Why'd they riot in the UK just to take some stuff?
While the houses of parliament still remained untouched.
- Mikill Pane
Concept; I think Silk got this, I was just feeling hers more. Sci, I like how you based your piece off of something that has already happened but thought that maybe it was limiting where you could go with it where as I thought Silk had a pretty cool take on her concept.
Writing techniques; Scientific had some decent personification mixed in there such as the 'weeping walls' and Silk had some cool stuff also such as the 'I see the guns face, hollow and simple compared to my own, but there's some grace in the subtle way the metal glowed' Honestly this was kind of close but I think Silk took this since she had more metaphors etc... in there.
Imagery; Okay, so I have Scientific taking this by a slight. Mainly because of his topic and how well he conveyed the story to the reader. Silk also did good portraying her concept to the reader but I felt that Scientific's painted a more vivid image in my head.
Flow; okay two pieces with internal rhyme schemes, Scientific using a ABAB style and Silk using a AABA type style, Hmm... both didn't use the same rhyme scheme through out though so bleh, as far as flow goes however I feel that Silk's was more effective at making the words slip off the tongue easier, close though... I thought both had pretty good flow.
Overall, I have Silk Sky taking this 3 sections to 1. Not very close in my opinion, thought that you didn't really write as well as you could this week Sci, and thought Silk came just well enough to snatch away the win. Nice battle, keep it up.
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Why'd they riot in the UK just to take some stuff?
While the houses of parliament still remained untouched.
- Mikill Pane
Soul Slayer: i liked the concept. it's an interesting, historical kind of piece and ted bundy's definitely a good character to make a piece about. The story was structured well and the description wasn't bad, though it could have been done better. Flow wasn't bad, but the rhyme schemes were kinda off which sometimes took a toll on the flow.
Silk Sky: Great story. The way you got into the mind of the victim was really cool. It had strong emotion. It progressed well throughout and the language and description were good. The beginning, middle and end were all clear and well put together. They were all strong in their own ways as well. Also lacked a little bit in rhyme schemes, but it flowed well.
Both drops were good, but imo Silk's was much stronger in emotion and storyline, so v/ Silk Sky
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soul: i liked ur shit. topic was iight. pic was okay, ur writing style was good. ur content was iight. ur actual writing was better than silk i think ur flow was okay. vocab was iight better in some parts then in other parts. but all around it was a solid verse nothing spectacular, but it was storng. a good overall write right here.
silk: u did a good job. i liked this piece alot. ur vocab was good. the story is really good the content was great. the emotion was a prime part of this piece, the wording was iight. even doe u have more emotion sci hade the imagery by very little but it was still stong in ur piece. but i think that u took it by a slight margin.
\\// silk
~WV~
~IP~
soul, it was cool. i didnt really care for the picture you chose but i liked the overall product u produced. flow was..decent, your rhyme scheme fluctuated and made your flow a little hard to follow. the story was nice, imagery and some nice metaphors thrown in here n there. it just felt average to me, wasnt bad but was AMAZING either.
silk, this was nice, the emotion was noticeable right off the bat. you had some great imagery and tbh i feel like you had more imagery cause you painted a very vivid scene, it was cool. i liked the metaphors, theres one line i dont like and it just feels awkward for me but other than that the flow was pretty strong and nothing really negative to say. good piece.
v/ silk
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the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.
soul had a decent peice
it read well, just seemed to lack the connection
to your words and the picture.
imagery was nice throughout
concept was good to, good structure
flow was decent overall a decent dropVS
silk was well written.
had nice emotion,
thought this was a creative peice
good story line, good vocab
nice imagery overall i like itV/:silk
Thanks for the votes, was running against time hence i couldn't expand and give more detail on how actually carried his killings... Good stuff Silk. Cheers gotta go vote now.
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
7-0.. Silk Sky wins, Scientific Loses.
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