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Thread: Short n' Sweet

  1. #1
    Snacks on snacks. IDGAF's Avatar
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    Short n' Sweet


    ^Goes with this beat

    I'm locked in this beat, With no shot to be free,
    So I rock till I see, A more popular me,
    In Hip-Hop I'm forseen, As the Laden of mean,
    Cause I slaughter Emcees, First cut off both their knees,
    So assault is at ease, Use a saw I'm a freak,
    He's unconsious and weak, Cause he popped 7 V's,
    That I dropped in his drink, Now he's not gonna see,
    Cause he's watchin his dreams, As I'm offin his spleen,
    Liver, heart, and between, I'm awfully obscene,
    I will not see defeat, Make you nazis retreat,
    You get stomped on the street, Take your watch I'm a thief,
    Ya time is gone you're deceased, ya should be honored it's me,
    Now you're wanderin in peace, You're a pawn I'm elite,
    The sun crawls from the east, Till it falls past the trees,
    All along I make beats, N' write songs with my peeps
    Till we all go to sleep, N' all thoughts just release,
    There's no lock or no key, No blocks stopping me,
    I won't drop till I see, Hip-Hop rock the streets,
    Like it rocked in '93, Like Pac n' B.I.G,
    Rebirth gods of the Emcee's, The plot aint easy,
    Might call me a zany G, Won't stop till the game's complete.
    Last edited by IDGAF; September 3rd, 2010 at 04:38 PM
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  2. #2
    Snacks on snacks. IDGAF's Avatar
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  3. #3
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    upp
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  4. #4

    Re: Short n' Sweet

    yeah man i like the rhyme scheme , good use of multi's. Some of the lines were a little basic and just seemed like a 'fill in line' if u get me so work on that more. Keep Up The Good Work!

    7/10.



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  5. #5
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    the thing I didnt like about this was the topic, you need to think up something more interesting, a plot with twists n shit... saying that though, I like your style of writing, very structured... just need to focus on your concepts I reckon... all in all, aside from the topic, I see potential

    lets collab sometime ill think up a good topic to follow


    .........pz
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  6. #6

    Re: Short n' Sweet

    i was feeling the flow, nothing seemed forced. i was feeling a old school vibe to it with the rhyme style and setup.

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  7. #7
    Snacks on snacks. IDGAF's Avatar
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    Quote Originally Posted by Dev View Post
    the thing I didnt like about this was the topic, you need to think up something more interesting, a plot with twists n shit... saying that though, I like your style of writing, very structured... just need to focus on your concepts I reckon... all in all, aside from the topic, I see potential

    lets collab sometime ill think up a good topic to follow


    .........pz
    aight im down for a collab, and yea this piece was more focused on flow and multies, not so much an interesting topic. i'm workin on getting rhyming flow and multies down before i hit up topics lol. but yea im down to think up a dope plot, throw in some twists, and make gold, lol, ill pm you
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  8. #8
    So Fresh and So Clean FreshADiddle's Avatar
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    it was nice that you maintained the same end-rhyme scheme throughout the entire verse...

    but, conceptually...it was just soooo played out. I mean, flex pieces are cool and all...but the way you went about it was just real typical...definitely seems like you have a good grasp on writing though...perhaps if you thought of a different concept/topic...just to show some creativity along with that dope scheme...



    [YOUTUBE]2oVgq-QrwRM[/YOUTUBE]

  9. #9
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    Quote Originally Posted by FreshADiddle View Post
    it was nice that you maintained the same end-rhyme scheme throughout the entire verse...

    but, conceptually...it was just soooo played out. I mean, flex pieces are cool and all...but the way you went about it was just real typical...definitely seems like you have a good grasp on writing though...perhaps if you thought of a different concept/topic...just to show some creativity along with that dope scheme...
    i know, i know, lol. this was just one of those "damn.. i really want to write a piece with a sick scheme" so i did that, this was more for the scheme, less for the content. flex pieces aren't my strong suit, it just seemed right for the flow
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  10. #10
    So Fresh and So Clean FreshADiddle's Avatar
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    word, I feel you...and I def noticed the scheme...sometimes it's cool to just practice that shit. RTF? please and thank you.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post7814875



    [YOUTUBE]2oVgq-QrwRM[/YOUTUBE]

  11. #11
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    you got it
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  12. #12
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    i would have loved to hear this in audio...content was average but flow was nice..multis on point...a focused topic would have made your rhyme shine a bit brighter..ill job..title was on point..lol..keep droppin.~1~


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  13. #13
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    Quote Originally Posted by sILLable View Post
    i would have loved to hear this in audio...content was average but flow was nice..multis on point...a focused topic would have made your rhyme shine a bit brighter..ill job..title was on point..lol..keep droppin.~1~
    word thanks for the feed, id like to get this on audio but my mic sucks and would make the song annoying to listen to
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  14. #14
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    up.
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  15. #15
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    Re: Short n' Sweet

    this drop dose indeed have flow, id like 2 hear it to a beat, u got the rhyming down but try and make your lines hit harder, re-write it a few times. ya heard...

    RTF http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...875/index.html

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