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Thread: Spitfull - The Shelter Freestyle

  1. #1

    Spitfull - The Shelter Freestyle

    Placed in not built to amaze.

    Striving frostart to complete the sense mind
    only thinking of goal-

    -

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...6&postcount=12
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...02&postcount=2
    Last edited by Straightaway; June 23rd, 2011 at 10:25 PM
    (: Morning

  2. #2

    Re: Spitfull - The Shelter Freestyle

    Uppinn For Feeddds . . . . .
    (: Morning

  3. #3

    Re: Spitfull - The Shelter Freestyle

    Last Cmonn People...
    Last edited by Straightaway; March 26th, 2011 at 01:30 AM
    (: Morning

  4. #4
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Beijing, China
    Posts
    28

    Re: Spitfull - The Shelter Freestyle

    For a freestyle, I'd say this is pretty solid. I'd be more intrigued a bit more internal rhyming, but that's just my preferences, since internal rhymes flow off the tongue better and are easier to remember.

    I'd also suggest a bit of checking on spelling, half-because I am fastidious over it, and half because I find it easier to read.

    The line before the penultimate one doesn't have a rhyming line to it.

    Overall, however straightforward imagery, I especially like towards the middle of the poem itself.

  5. #5

    Re: Spitfull - The Shelter Freestyle

    Cheers for feedin .
    didnt was"down" - "groun" on the same line .

    Bumpin
    Last edited by Straightaway; March 26th, 2011 at 01:30 AM
    (: Morning

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