Statues

[Iglosone]

As the miserable starve, their invisible guard,
of hope from death's broke an' left...individuals scarred.
Yes the visuals' hard...to accept when peace's unknown,
an' the only freedom you've known is a prisoners yard.
Whether day or day or night the pain an' plight...isn't that far.
The religious at heart's brain's have been chiseled and carved.
Praying to statues who lack-true...flesh and blood;
hoping idols will grant survival...or leave them blessed with love.
Caressed and hugged...with victory and women;
through history religion...has only left us drugged.
We've grown truly unstable...smothered with lies;
the truths right in-front of ours...yet we're unable to break-through.
Full of hate he breaks his back yet lacks food for the table;
nothing can change the fact...he's a tool and his say-so;
says so little, yet I riddle...your bastard god;
why is our soul's foundation so cracked and flawed?
My nation as a whole is empty an' only acts upon..
..pride an' wealth, others deprived of health..no-one cares.
Fuck you're cries for help...look up...no-one's there.
Brain washed from birth, truly lost and voiceless;
starving for knowledge yet the food for thought is poisoned.
Word's of scholars and script's writ from back in the past;
creates man's hatred, mistranslated...still has captured the mass.
Like rats in trap or cages disguised as congregations;
full or corruption an' seduction...brought on by masons.
My stone angel, forgive me of my sins;
fucked my life up, let me live it once again.
We swear 'ya real, prepare an' kneel upon the floor;
evil an' numb, treat people like scum...yet can't feel it anymore.
Do you believe that we've come, to inherit this land?
We came from the barrenest sands, barbarian man;
morally we're honestly weak...always out to conquer the weak;
no modesty-each generation's done little to vary the plan.
Pray to Marry, the lamb...and even the greatest scholars;
from college fail to acknowledge that we praise the dollar.
Lady Truth wait's by the phone, yet we refuse to call her.
People treat people like trash, refusing to conjure respect;
actions are evil and crass, the populace is honestly vexed.
Blind sheep's with remotes continue to sleep, comatose;
in a deep overdose of stupidity, nation of monsters of flesh.
Our hates beyond wild...I am astonished and stressed;
on how a priest raping a child could wear a cross on his neck.
Wrong after wrong, same 'ol song, no modesty's left;
Basicly we’re pawns afraid of the beyond and our death;
realize religions is a myth, it's certainly past due;
your inner vision's in abyss, for it has entrapped you.
You wouldn't help a man, unless you had to you.
Afraid of being damned, so you turn to a statue
...so much you've slowly turned into a statue...




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...540/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...056/index.html

[Tool]

buh...longer than I expected.

Will get round to it later though.

[Iglosone]

yes.. the length is a little scary

[Flesh`Rot]

this was dope man.. i liked the 'left us drugged' and the 'cracked and flawwed' parts the best.. i also thought it was very vivid and true about what you said with the cross on the neck shit.. props man.. good solid piece here.. wouldn't be suprised if it gets nom'd

[moose35]

Damn.I really took the time to read this and I gotta say this drop was pure quality. Subject matter was dope, and even though I wasn't feeling much imagery, I like how you managed to correlate a statue to the "deadness" of today's people. Lines like Our hates beyond wild...I am astonished and stressed;
on how a priest raping a child could wear a cross on his neck really hit hard to me, and I basically agreed with a lot of what you said. The only thing I'd maybe criticise you about is the ... in your lines. I get where you were going, and it might look good to some-so this might just be personal taste, but imo it messes up the flow unless you do it consistently. Your internal rhymes and multi's were off the hook, but sometimes the rhymescheme made me have a "Huh?" moment. I get that you were trying to be unpredictable and not have it be AABB or AAAABBBB, but to me it was a bit unnecessary in some places. Those are basically the only 2 things I have a problem with, but they might not have even big that big an issue, I was just trying to point out shit that I didn't like so you can try to incorporate it next time. But I'd give this a 8.5/10, really dope drop dude, keep it up.

[Mr. Black]

subject matter is worn pretty thin if you dig what im sayin .. written and read plenty anti-organized-religion verses, but you put a spin on this one that sort of solidified your views a bit more than the average atheist rant.

first off idk how much ive conveyed in my own writing but i definitely agree with your opinions and views.. it was definitely an interesting way to interpret the picture too. your use of the word 'drugged' also intrigued me - maybe something you could have carried on a little bit, like how over the course of generational gaps people become so truly addicted (in a sense) to these stories and myths that, even at the top tier of society, theres nothing to be done to communicate that it might not be the healthiest basis for a civilization, a monetary system, or a government. its so deeply rooted in our origins like a drug that nothing can rehabilitate our attachment to these beliefs.

in a deep overdose of stupidity, nation of monsters of flesh.
Our hates beyond wild...I am astonished and stressed;
on how a priest raping a child could wear a cross on his neck.

heavy.

full or corruption an' seduction...brought on by masons.

again maybe something that could have been expanded.

my only complaint is that in parts this sort of dragged on a bit .. it felt rather repetitive, like a rant, and it was just a bit too long to hold complete interest .. the statue concept could have been tied in much stronger to your main body, seeing as that was the foundation for your ideas.

overall pretty nice drop .. nice to see you puttin down something longer, it was refreshing. im assuming this was your NTL entry.

keep doin it

1

[Iglosone]

yes you are right about the NTL entry.. it was no-showed so I put it here


thanks for the feeds gents

[Iglosone]

pwz...

[FreshADiddle]

Hmmm...cool piece 'Glos.

First of all...I'm not going to mention anything about your rhymes schemes...cause it's quite apparent that you're well versed and talented when it comes to the rhymes...the non-traditional schemes in this piece were great.

Content wise: Soooo, I liked your interpretation of the picture. I thought it was interesting how mid way through your piece you referenced "god" as a "stone angel" as you were introducing the segment about idolatry...and then ended the piece by saying that humanity is paralyzed with fear of being damned, therefore slowly turning into stone aka statue. That was clever as hell, 'Glos.

Tbh, the concept is slightly played but I know that you had to choose a topic from an already defined list for this verse. Because the topic has been written about sooo many times, I kind of felt like the content was a bit redundant. However, you did a nice job of putting your own touch on the issues expressed in each line...via your word choices.

But, you had a couple of moments where I was like "huh?"....meaning, sometimes I questioned the contextual integrity of ur word choice. It could be because I'm on serious pain killers at the moment....but I remember a few times being like "that's not really what he means."

I know that you and I construct verses differently...I focus on content and expression first...and you focus on rhyme first...

but just like I need to pay more attention to my rhyme schemes, i think maybe you should throw just a smidge more focus on making sure that your lines say exactly what you want them to say...especially in a verse like this where the topic is heavy and will be seemingly personal to every reader. Religion is a veryyyy personal and delicate matter...so you owe it to yourself to make sure that people understand your point of view 100%.

Seriously though, great piece here 'Glos. It's a gem...I hate that it got no-showed.

[Iglosone]

<3 u
=)

lol

[Galactus The Devourer]

Yo religion to me gets fuckin boring, The topic itself can easily put me to sleep, just like the father droning on during sunday mass so long ago.. I 100% appreciated the fact you made the rhymes the showcase here, cause otherwise I wouldnt have been able to finish this.. the first 6 bars were rediculous the way they flowed bro.. very talented you are.. haha im sounding like Yoda.. anyways..

nice drop .. my favorite segment..
As the miserable starve, their invisible guard,
of hope from death's broke an' left...individuals scarred.
Yes the visuals' hard...to accept when peace's unknown,
an' the only freedom you've known is a prisoners yard.
Whether day or day or night the pain an' plight...isn't that far.
The religious at heart's brain's have been chiseled and carved."

and this part rig hur..

Blind sheep's with remotes continue to sleep, comatose;
in a deep overdose of stupidity, nation of monsters of flesh.
Our hates beyond wild...I am astonished and stressed;
on how a priest raping a child could wear a cross on his neck.
Wrong after wrong, same 'ol song, no modesty's left;
Basicly we’re pawns afraid of the beyond and our death;"

your words couldnt be realer.. I find myself wondering when I do pray that im doing it purely for the "I hope this saves my ass" if there is a heaven and hell..


great drop


pz

[Tool]

Wrote one of those stupidly detailed feedbacks but my connection funked out and it was lost to the aether.

I'm not typing it out again.

Overall, this was a tight drop from you Iglo. Way back you wrote some conscious ish on wordly issues & I suggested off the back of that we should collab or some shit...so I agree with you to some extent.

Here, again...you've some sentiments here I fuck with;

an' the only freedom you've known is a prisoners yard.

word. Other parts weren't nearly as connecting, maybe confused wording or unclear morals;

The religious at heart's brain's have been chiseled and carved.

I see the play...w/statues as the title and mentioned in the next line, and you're tryna say man's mind was moulded. Did I feel you presented this the best way it (or you) could have...nope. But it's w.e.

Brain washed from birth, truly lost and voiceless;
starving for knowledge yet the food for thought is poisoned.
Word's of scholars and script's writ from back in the past;
creates man's hatred, mistranslated...still has captured the mass.

^ segments like that it what I'm fucking with, sentiment wise and technically.

Like rats in trap or cages disguised as congregations;
full or corruption an' seduction...brought on by masons.

Ironically this fucks it up though with not-the-best first line and a second which feels like you want throw a mention in. Ill-placed.

Pray to Marry, the lamb...and even the greatest scholars;
from college fail to acknowledge that we praise the dollar.

dope.

People treat people like trash, refusing to conjure respect;
actions are evil and crass, the populace is honestly vexed.
Blind sheep's with remotes continue to sleep, comatose;
in a deep overdose of stupidity, nation of monsters of flesh.
Our hates beyond wild...I am astonished and stressed;

Not so dope. Losing steam, lines struggling to connect like previously...content is shady...unfocused, and the odd parts not fitting read forced.

on how a priest raping a child could wear a cross on his neck.

that hit though. Not like I ain't heard it before...and not like there arent other more pressing issues than sexually repressed supposebly god-fearing relics of a false religious system used for little more than brainwashing & cementing patriarchal supremacy...

...twisted fucks. It fits & hits all the same though Iglo.

You had some strong moments in this, where them words carry weight...but more often than shit fell off....you did well to pick it back up though.

In a technical regard I havent given this much crit because your unorthodox schemes isnt so easy to pick apart on one read...I could...(but I won't)...you carry strong schemes in segments....conversely some lines fail to matchup at all....though I'm sure in those instances you're got some sorta rolling internal so fuck it...flow was mostly inoffensive to me.

All in all, not bad - seen better. Keep wordsmithing.

[Iglosone]

word homie

I do alot of
A, b
B, A rhyme schems.. and alot of A, A, B schemes

it can get tricky to catch.. but thanks for the words.. glad ya dug some of it