Just playin around

[cheesemanxl]

everyone knows you're fake like cartoons
only you'll get real scar wounds
this ain't an art room
but guns will be drawn
i run up on your lawn
hop over your mini pond
and stab you with the bronze
cause you only deserve third place
even in the worst case like earthquakes
yeah you know my nerves ache
and your on the last one
tryin ta pull a fast one
thats when we flash guns
like mardi gras
so ill be making calls
cause its a party yall
we'll be playin basket with your head as the ball
dont test me cause im better than all
did i hear that veteran call
cause i been servin on the front lines of these rhymes
and i get multiple dimes at one time
if you say im done then FINE
ill finish and you'll get diminished
chewed up and spit out like spinach

Links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post7694259

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post7694253

[japrhino]

Seemed like maybe you had your bars a little too short (like most were only 8-9 sylabbles) But other than that it seemed like you kept your rhymes a little too simple, i could guess what was coming next with most of the lines. Flow was a bit off and on, wasn't too bad it was just pretty choppy in some places. Scheme was really simple but i still liked it.

And this may just be personal taste but i wasn't really feelin the topic, just writing about how much of a badass you are seems a little played out to me.

Definitely keep writing, just maybe about something else and work on your rhymes a little bit

[cheesemanxl]

yeah i agree with you on most points but still i was just messin around lil bit and didnt take too long to write this so.. ya know.

Anyways thanks for the feed