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Thread: Stay True.

  1. #1

    Stay True.

    New Song I Wrote. check.

    what dont kill you
    only makes you stronger
    if thats the case
    my hearts covered in armour
    if thats the pace
    ill only stay here longer
    i'll always be true
    imma stay true an honour

    to you, forever its what ill do
    stay true, for you, ya its all ill do
    for you, ill do what i have to do
    to stay true, ya its all i want to do


    my heart is shattered, this soul is hopeless
    for what its worth, i wonder does she notice
    does she see me, or do we even matter
    elbows to knees, trying to regain my focus
    soaked in loathing, my fears are showing
    the fact of knowing, jealousys my throat cutter
    knife to the jugular, talkin with no stutter
    mind just wont shut her, towel is thrown in
    give up, just sit down, stay underground
    stay on your level, level is earth settled
    ground you stand upon, lead them on
    lead them to believe, ya so on an so on
    im so gone, though i wish i was still here
    with you forever, until forever disappeared
    this is my fear, getting to know the real you
    real proof, our love will never be near true

    what dont kill you
    only makes you stronger
    if thats the case
    my hearts covered in armour
    if thats the pace
    ill only stay here longer
    i'll always be true
    imma stay true an honour

    to you, forever its what ill do
    stay true, for you, ya its all ill do
    for you, ill do what i have to do
    to stay true, ya its all i want to do


    trust me, this will be last you hear of me
    lyrically, blessed with it like im spirtually
    indearing, crash at night with no steering
    no fearing, crying in shame with no tearing
    i must be nearing, my final destination
    conversations, laughs, its all im facing
    heart is racing, mind wont stop pacing
    lifes in my palms, grippin tight for the taking
    trust me, you wont, i cant even trust you
    its my insecurites, blessed with your purities
    shadows of mercury, done paid my dues
    aimed at you, in my eyes of uncertainty
    curtains please, show me the show is over
    go home, erase my mind to never know her
    its simple for me, an entire past could murder me
    a man trapt in hell for the rest of eternity

    what dont kill you
    only makes you stronger
    if thats the case
    my hearts covered in armour
    if thats the pace
    ill only stay here longer
    i'll always be true
    imma stay true an honour

    to you, forever its what ill do
    stay true, for you, ya its all ill do
    for you, ill do what i have to do
    to stay true, ya its all i want to do


    nights are colder, with these cold shoulders
    just have my luck, with no four leaf clovers
    rocks and bolders, weigh me under the water
    to drown in sorrow, my misery is hotter
    could catch on fire, calm before the storm
    stay outside the box, go beyond the norm
    never break in, nah man never conform
    do you until you cant give you anymore
    break all history, start to make our own
    then burn the pages until the fire is orange
    crimson is born, the hell with these gates
    hell with passion, what are these traits
    love, its something that we couldnt make
    i take this pen an pap, lay it down one take
    one mistake i make, is standing here today
    as a man saying ive never believed in our fait


    what dont kill you
    only makes you stronger
    if thats the case
    my hearts covered in armour
    if thats the pace
    ill only stay here longer
    i'll always be true
    imma stay true an honour

    to you, forever its what ill do
    stay true, for you, ya its all ill do
    for you, ill do what i have to do
    to stay true, ya its all i want to do

  2. #2

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Drops Bombs Like A-Rabs Prophet Margin's Avatar
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    Re: Stay True.

    what dont kill you
    only makes you stronger
    if thats the case
    my hearts covered in armour
    if thats the pace
    ill only stay here longer
    i'll always be true
    imma stay true an honour

    to you, forever its what ill do
    Liked this...nice chorus........good drop overall ive noticed you seem 2 always have good flows....but you might consider using some more complex rhymes...more multies and better vocab....but overall real good ill keep looking for more of ur shit.....

  5. #5

    Re: Stay True.

    You did a lot right and a lot wrong. First off, I assume one day you want to be successful in music? If so, you need to completely change your thought patterns. Picture somebody reading a magazine. They flip through it mostly picking out pictures and whatever article interests them. Then, picture a magazine with only one picture and the rest is articles that repeat what was being said again and again only to become mudane, lifeless and draining (this is an analogy for your song). Your verses, they only outline really one idea each and you stick to that theme through the 8 Bars, 16 Lines. That is wrong. Look at any successful artist, read their verses - new ideas and themes are brought up every 2nd Bar or 4th bar depending, for the most part. You need to bring other perspectives into your writing...what I mean by that is other scenarios and ideas that support your main topic of the verse.

    For example, the first verse of your song starts with..."my heart is shattered." It is safe to assume that is the main topic of verse 1. So instead of walking a mudane path of self loathing and cutting throats etc. you need to bring other scenarios into play. Look at Kayne's coldest winter, I feel like that is an upgraded version of your song entirely, in retrospect at least. You could have brought ideas in Verse 1 (and you need at least 4 new Fresh ideas per verse) such as:

    1) Lonely man on the moon
    2) Winter weather (look at Kanye - Coldest Winter)
    3) Invisible Man
    4) Love letter or Suicide note

    Putting all 4 of these concepts together, spending 2 Bars, 4 Lines on each concept (1, 2, 3 and 4) will get you 8 Bars, 16 Lines (which is 1 verse). What you did right, was use deacent rhyming and sylable, there were around 12 roughly in each line. The ideas are there, but you just need to OUTSOURCE. Stop being so introverted, nobody cares about you unless you can describe yourself using different situations they can connect to. Keep at it.....the next song you write, make sure you follow these guidlines.

  6. #6

    Re: Stay True.

    word..

    appreciate the feedback there..

    an ill try an work that into the new song i write..

    appreciate the negative and positive feedback ....only way to get better

    up'

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