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Thread: First works XD

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! SCK's Avatar
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    First works XD

    Hey oh , everybody I guess I oughta introduce myself, well my names SCK (pronounced Sick stands for stone cold killer) and I just joined Rap battles because for the last 6 months, I've been writing rap, ya I know I'm new and all that but before that I wrote about 600 songs in the last 2 years that and I'm a fast learner. So guys, I want you to help a brother out I'm young bout 16 but I don't know I hope I can rap and well give my stuff a shot guys thanks

    1st one

    No Regrets pt.1:
    Intro:
    This one is for those who’ve lost it all
    Who answered the call, and never thought about it ever
    Because they stood tall.

    Start:
    Picture this :
    On the block
    Your rolling rocks
    What a shock in the dark
    In a broken park, the narcs are fucking to leave their mark
    The blood on the sidewalk is stark, a homie on the sidewalk,
    He’s can’t talk, all he can do is beg, plead, while he bleeds, he needs one last hit, and you guys wonder why we’re sick of this shit . But forget this bit, the bro on the ground is well known around town, he’s a father the kind that the street slaughter the kind of dad that never gets mad, lies to kids so they’re happy when shit gets bad. They never see the smoke, when all he needs to is choke while blasting pac and he cocks the gun because he can’t run all he wants to do is see his kids smile one last time so he rhymes night after night because he can’t fight but when he feels his spit, when he feels the shit , when he believes in it , he knows that for one more night it’ll be all right but now it’s not because he’s shot one last thing he said before he was left for dead : no regrets.

    Now can you see whats wrong with me, why I just can’t see what you guys chase after because when you drown yourself in laughter, I can’t see it maybe because I can never be it, because all I need to do is rap so I don’t need to deal with your crap , because in a snap I can blank out and that way I don’t need to shout and I can forget about everything that’s wrong and that’s why I walk to the beats, stare at the blood in the streets, because you see I can fight because I can still see the light that keeps us alive , because I don’t need my knive no more but who knows I’m broken to the core and I’ve got : no regrets.

    Picture this , a blank room , a sense of gloom , somethings wrong and I feel sick for spitting this in my song but you have to hear this and I just can’t act like this doesn’t exist. There’s crying piercing the room, dooms in the air, and everybody acts like they don’t care doctors wiping tears, pple in the street feeling their fears rise from the street, hail mary, it’s over now, so lets go now , your in a hospital life was just born, but everybody is in mourn. The baby looks up, she’ll never know her mom , she’s gone and I know it’s wrong to go at the age, but we can’t turn the page, and we can’t use our rage to get us out of our cages, just pray that you never have to say what you see, just know that the god-moms dropping f-bombs, and the lone girl in that room is calm, because one thing that she can see is that though their future is bleak, and though nobody will speak, they can feel it they know it , they won’t lay low and they won’t go, they cry for now , but they’ll never bow to fate , they can say fuck it save it for another date : no regrets

    Life in my hands , I can’t think what will become of me because nobody can say what to do, all I get is a screw you because you fuckers think I knew that I would be a dad at this age, you think I can turn the page and look back, and fix all the cracks that I hide. You think I’ve never cried I never wished that I died but do you think I’ll hide, do you think I never decided to provide for my son, I load this gun because everythings just begun and I’m willing to wait till the sun dies, because you think I’ll leave him alone with my demise, big surprise I’ll be here to you stop your lies or until you all die because I’m not loaded with goodbyes , in my eyes you can see that I’ve got nothing to lose , so I won’t take your ruse fuck you and fuck your booze, because I can’t refuse, and I’ve got no excuse: no regrets. To be continued

    DONE for that one
    and one more

    Untitled:
    I’m back, talking smack, picking myself up from this wick wack life, dropping my knife, dropping my shades, dropping the beads, dropping everything to hide me from bleeding, one glove, one love, one lord above, watching me, because he can see that I’m coming up, and I don’t need you, hear me your stain with the blood of the few like me, can’t you see, I don’t give a damn anymore, don’t love anybody no-more, this ain’t sck, this ain’t raven, I’m not slaven to your lies, I’m done , I’m reaching for the skies, in the studio again, fuck this pain, I’ll drop these lines faster the shady, lady chill I don’t love you, and you don’t love me, I don’t give a damn what you do, hold me, bitch, can’t you see a million girls did the same, and then the pass the blame to me, so what you really think I’m free, I’m always playing this game to keep you from getting to me , head on my shoulder, your in my dreams, but I block it out with these screams, green eyes, callie do you think I could lie I love you, but I’m not going to die for the right to live, you hear me, when jaden is asking me, why I broke up with mommy janey, why callies dropping by, and everytime she leaves a cry, what do I say when asks what this white dust is, shit , man it’s been one year , since I became a dad, and though you may be sad, I’m not no fears, I may cry tears, but I don’t give up, so fuck you all, ya don’t call, because I’ll be dropping these verses, it’s a curse, a gift, shit it’s the very thing, that keeps me alive, why do I play guitar, or sing all those rock songs, I used to love, well it may be a shock but this suburban kid, ain’t dealing with any of this crap, that you called rap these days, I don’t rap, this is poetry, and you better know it, or maybe you don’t this is my flow, and I ‘ll never take it slow, I ought to tear you apart, before you start to ask, why I’m not talking today, before I can even say, whats wrong , I’m already gone writing this song, oh gee, I’m an emcee really, you think , that this happened in a blink of an eye, for six months , you watched my life fall apart, and then for five minutes you gave me sudden fame, everybody knew my name, and you think your done, you think you could run, abandon me, and then wonder why I’m cold, why I’m getting old, why nothing you say can make me laugh, why nothing you can say can fill the gap, why I deal with all my problems with rap, why I turns these voices off in my head, before they ask me why I’m wishing I was dead, you wonder, why I want dope, why I can’t see hope, it’s because of you, and them, it’s like chemistry messing with my history, born out of dust, dying in ashes, these gashes, are like 2,000 lashes from the whip, that’s now slipping out of your grip, because I’m smashing, bashing, dashing, out of your grip, this is my life, and that’s all it ever was - Done


    anyways, thanks for reading this guys hit me up all right

  2. #2
    I don't give a fuck.... LicketySplit96's Avatar
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    Re: First works XD

    sup, you need 2 feedback links before people can give feedback to you..
    Which means, you have to give other people feedback on their piece (2 people) and then put the links to those 2 pieces in this thread.
    Welcome to RB homie.
    I don't give a fuck. End of story.

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! SCK's Avatar
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    Re: First works XD

    Oh, thanks man theres no rule so I was curious XD thanks bro

  4. #4

  5. #5
    I don't give a fuck.... LicketySplit96's Avatar
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    Re: First works XD

    Quote Originally Posted by SCK View Post
    Oh, thanks man theres no rule so I was curious XD thanks bro
    No problem.
    I read the first one, then i got too lazy to read the second lol so what imma say is just feed on the first...
    It was overall good, you can definitely see that you have experience and much potential, you had some good rhymes, pretty solid rhyme scheme, good concepts...
    The only thing i would work on a little is the flow, it seemed a little off to me at certain points. Other than that, keep writing, constantly, all day every day, and you're all good homie.
    I don't give a fuck. End of story.

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  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! SCK's Avatar
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    Re: First works XD

    Thanks man I'm so happy I found Rb, thought I was the only homie who wanted to write legit text rap but thanks 4 the feedback I'll keep it in mind

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: First works XD

    yo once again you got a strong message and you manage to portray your message well. also you make your verses really relatable to the reader. those are your strong points. your style reminds me a lot of eminem. i liked the first one better than the second one. it had really strong meaning. but i liked how the second one was like a constant spew of emotion. some places in the second one it felt like the rhymes were missing. overall just working on your rhyme schemes and adding more metaphors and shit will help you a lot. keep it up

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! SCK's Avatar
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    Re: First works XD

    lol, thanks man It's nice to get feed, helps us all improve you know, ya Eminem is the one who got me into rapping, but I'm trying to break away and develop my own style, you know hey quick question atlas , you ever wanna collab with my I don't know "Emotion" and your amazing vocab/rhymes. We could kill get back to me on that all right bro XD
    my mic, my right, my life and you can’t take this from me, callie ,maddie, janey, laney, holly , fuck this folly I’m alone , mcee you see sick as hell, names SCK stone cold killer

  9. #9
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    Re: First works XD

    thats tight bro, keep it up

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! SCK's Avatar
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    Re: First works XD

    Thanks bro
    my mic, my right, my life and you can’t take this from me, callie ,maddie, janey, laney, holly , fuck this folly I’m alone , mcee you see sick as hell, names SCK stone cold killer

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