Mind of State

[143]

MIND OF STATE
my mind chills in the psycho-tropics, sweating bullets
thoughts loaded with suggestions, let it pull it
make an attemp on my life, see you lose now
decay you choose now, the pay you bruise now
attendants baffle at the moments strung around my neck
remarks waffle between components of disrespect
soil possibilities that the straight jacket ain't enough
that straight jackin' me up ain't enough
that straight packin' me on gourneys ain't enough
now they straight packin' attorneys, legality's rough
disdain got this chain swinging for the fences
on the mental plain i'm dwendling defenses
and to try to keep it comprehensive and relevant
i got tattoos of desert eagle gunning down elephants
it represents that the masses fall when attack call forth
like a pass fall short on fourth and 2 in the fourth
yesterday i sported a tooth of the previous owner
the upper last molar of the devious coroner
he oritated that the state had right to mind fuck me
had traces of vaseline on my forehead, mind fucked me
so i mined "bucky" with paperclips caltrops
poison tipped with diseases of cow drops
then i stop to look out the window saw a rose in trash
petals was season with ms. dash and bits of frozen cash
my skull stay brash against my current mindstate
where neurons and nerves cast lifelines in blind faith
and in this world Jesus pisses on Mary and Joseph and said
"Subhana Kal-lah hum-ma wabi hamdika
wata-bara kasmuka wata'al jad-duka
wala ilaha ghyruka. Allah U Akbar" and jet.
so in the depth that the spine rises i drown in the shallow
please excuse me while I play with my shadow......

just to translate the arabic:

"Glory be to you Allah, and Praise.
Blessed be your name and exalted be your majesty
there is no god but you. Allah is the greatest."

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...81&postcount=2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...97&postcount=5

[Notebook]

wow........deep as fuck nuggets....god damm man ok um.....idk this was very well done what can i say but awesome job...i dont believe in flawless pieces because if anything we did was flawless we wouldnt be human let alone emcees lol but um this was up there in one of my favorite reads on any forum...

9.9/10

lol not flawless

[emcee danger]

pretty good bro. nice vocab and flow. your wordplay was amazing, and i really enjoyed reading this. one of the best i've ever read. 9/10.

[Notebook]

^^^lol you prolly copied and pasted that feed numerous times huh?^^^

its funny what people do to get feed links

[emcee danger]

actually no. but say what you want.

[ReDRazoR]

first of i agree with most things your saying ther b, i liked the realness of this drop it was like fresh air to my lungs ,but just keep droping ya shit and keep exceling..

Fav Part...
y mind chills in the psycho-tropics, sweating bullets
thoughts loaded with suggestions, let it pull it
make an attemp on my life, see you lose now
decay you choose now, the pay you bruise now
attendants baffle at the moments strung around my neck
remarks waffle between components of disrespect
soil possibilities that the straight jacket ain't enough
that straight jackin' me up ain't enough
that straight packin' me on gourneys ain't enough
now they straight packin' attorneys, legality's rough

[Mr.Schizzy]

This piece was fucking sick, your bars were
consistent. Out of anyone I see doing multis in OM
you got to be one of the crazyest at it. You made
your rhymes picture perfect, and its hard to explain
this shit made me awestruck
I would give this a 10 out of 10
And I have never gave that rating
keep writing man
If you could RTF on my newest piece
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...023/index.html

[143]

I thank yall for the feed. I'm hitting all links posted.

I'm just mad I had a beat created for this that wasn't working....

uppin more

[143]

last time for some good feed....

[English]

You a muslim? If you aint thatd be very weird using that dua...Its actually still weird using even if ya are but w/e

Lyrically you do show a spark;

it represents that the masses fall when attack call forth
like a pass fall short on fourth and 2 in the fourth

^ which refined right could make you lyrically notable in time, and other parts are something close to decent too but generally you aint that nice technically, but all this shit;

make an attempt* on my life, see you lose now
decay you choose now, the pay you bruise now

soil possibilities that the straight jacket ain't enough
that straight jackin' me up ain't enough
that straight packin' me on gourneys ain't enough
now they straight packin' attorneys, legality's rough

^ and some other "mind fuck" line, is repetitive as hell and it aint a good look. Dont get me wrong I see what you tryna do with it because its a loose play on words, but repetition is sutan you dnt see often in writtens cuz you need a particular writer who is sick with weighting words....an ill writer basically. Your repititious parts are painful.

Far as direction, pace and focus of the piece you werent really scoring high, some parts of this could have been interesting no doubt, but I cant front some of the shits is bordering on incoherent, and I see you putting words in on some facade shit or just to force a rhyme. The vocab seems dense but it hasnt been utilized effectively terms of lyricism, flow or conveying your shit - and I'm pretty perceptive so thats a problem.

Whichever cat said you do multi's best on here needs his/her brain tested, you maybe can do multi but it aint particularly evident here.

If anything I think your work is over-ambitious, its insane how much Im telling dudes these days to tone down vocabulary because it disrupts their essence as a writer - thing is RB's run by fuckwits making growing writers think that intellectual echelon is a necessity - yea it's good if you nice with it, but lotta you dudes going the wrong way bout it - seriously try reading a dictionary or some shit.

Im not getting at you though dude, all the feed before me is pretty ignorant and that's annoying, and I dnt dislike your drop, just feel you a talented kid moving in the entirely wrong direction, maybe im wrong and need to go peep some of your other shits, Iunno.

Take it as hate but really I'm tryna help a brother out, it's...

...Just my slant on shit.

edit - btw piece of mine you fed aint my FIRST shit, just among the early compositions I made bout 18months ago branching away from bonelesss poetry into more lyrical shits, and eventually wtf I write now.

[143]

edit - btw piece of mine you fed aint my FIRST shit, just among the early compositions I made bout 18months ago branching away from bonelesss poetry into more lyrical shits, and eventually wtf I write now.

I never said it was your first.

Re: Fragment Of Thought

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For this to be one of your first pieces, it's very elaborate and descriptive. I came off to me like Meth was doing this with the pauses in the flow. You correct usage of vocab enhance the drop. Had good wordplay and the imagery was ill. The only part I was like huh is when you describe the dimepiece as a cold ogre...OVERAL 8/10

Check out my collab with Cinizter "unhealthy ties" and my drop "Mind of State"

I liked the piece that you did.

the typo should be YOUR instead of YOU.

thanks for the feed.

[FACTR.E]

Nice job, psycho shit... but real interesting, sick word play
had a great flow to it, good and refreshing.
Keep writing, we need more writers like that

[143]

Thanks for the critique

I'll be checking your drop