.. Dope Days ..

[EkaNomic]

Birds Chirping on a Tree
But the Grass is not Green
Rain and Mist Drown
The Approach of Dawn
as if the Beat were Slow and Ground
Trying to be Seen
But all sides of Signs are Obscene
like a Fading Dream Woke to Screams
of Reality when Life's Vitality
are High near Death
and Fear of Fatality ... Abstract
From the Facts , Off Track and Swept Off your feet
too Discrete to see and Obstacles Defeat
in another mans Shoes
may be another mans Dreams
bog made in the mind of a Maze
Slain by the Creation times like Haste
Insane Sensations and Cravings to Play
before work can Pay Wasted days Wasted
Appraised to stay and say crazy Shades of Grey and Blue
have Cast a Dark spell on the Moon
when night is gloom and lights never Soon
Consumed by Doom
Screwed by those who Knew
but Choose the Flu
that Rose and Grew
like a Rose in Bloom
by Thorns that are more than Ordinary
and the Sight of something so Sweet
Inside is so Scary
like Cold Feet when right too be Married
when Broken Bonds are Spoken Strong
and Hope is Gone you Cope with Wrong
this would not be a Poem if i spoke of Bombs
but fuck it get Blunted and smoke some Bong's

[Cinizter]

by Thorns that are more than Ordinary
and the Sight of something so Sweet
Inside is so Scary
like Cold Feet when right too be Married
when Broken Bonds are Spoken Strong
and Hope is Gone you Cope with Wrong
this would not be a Poem if i spoke of Bombs
but fuck it get Blunted and smoke some Bong's

Liked those lines but it seems like this poem didn't have any particular direction or flow to it. Was a bunch of random lines and I didn't really see how the title fit with the poem or anything like that, you had alot of misspellings and incorrect grammar that made this less fun to read.
This was mediocre in my opinion. Read others work and keep writing and trying new styles.

[EkaNomic]

Thanks , I appreciate the feedback ... I named the title Dope Days , Cause that's when I wrote it .. I hope the rest is self explanatory

[EkaNomic]

I decided to dissect my lines so It might better help ppl understand it .....
as I said the title is called dope days , well lets just say I have seen
a lot of it anyway It's mostly about drugs and selling them , living the
life style with them and being around friends and family while using them ...


Birds Chirping on a Tree
But the Grass is not Green
(women and weed)

Rain and Mist Drown
The Approach of Dawn
as if the Beat were Slow and Ground
(acid and dust) honestly I'm not sure what I was talking about there

But all sides of Signs are Obscene
like a Fading Dream Woke to Screams
of Reality when Life's Vitality
are High near Death
and Fear of Fatality
(stamps on bags , nodding out , and realizing your still fucked up when you come too)

Abstract
From the Facts , Off Track and Swept Off your feet
too Discrete to see and Obstacles Defeat
in another mans Shoes
may be another mans Dreams
bog made in the mind of a Maze
(addiction blindsiding your reality , and wanting to make it to the top as a junkie)

Slain by the Creation times like Haste
Insane Sensations and Cravings to Play
before work can Pay Wasted days Wasted
(so deep in addiction , you don't even care about selling the drugs or making a profit)

Appraised to stay and say crazy Shades of Grey and Blue
have Cast a Dark spell on the Moon
(morphine pills for the night)

when night is gloom and lights never Soon
Consumed by Doom
Screwed by those who Knew
but Choose the Flu
that Rose and Grew
like a Rose in Bloom
(dope fiends being respected kingpins)

by Thorns that are more than Ordinary
and the Sight of something so Sweet
Inside is so Scary
(dope and the pin)

like Cold Feet when right too be Married
when Broken Bonds are Spoken Strong
and Hope is Gone you Cope with Wrong
this would not be a Poem if i spoke of Bombs
but fuck it get Blunted and smoke some Bong's
(just a nice lyrical breakdown ....... I was on DOPE WTF do you expect)

Thank you

[Cinizter]

Rain and Mist Drown
The Approach of Dawn
as if the Beat were Slow and Ground
(acid and dust) honestly I'm not sure what I was talking about there

Well, thats what I mean....if we the audience don't know what you're talking about, you the writer should?. Work on making more sense and having a point you're making when you write. Until then I think you'll get less than constructive feed from others.

[EkaNomic]

uppin

[Lyrikal Diety]

Ehhh, Im tired a bit. It was okay flow. Some bars could've been erased, or written better with a few different words... BUT, IMO you shouldn't explain your poem, let it explain itself... I understood most of it in my sense, but thats the beauty of poetry, it can mean several things because the readers will have different perceptions of it...

yah dig?
Oh and if your high and you write, wait until your sober enough to edit some sh*t then post.

[Lyrical Lazerus]

ok... I feel this piece was aptly named... I've been in and out of wonderland enough times to feel where you were going with this. There were times where I REALLY had something important to say... but rode on another tangent and that became more important and I chose to ride that wave because it was more interesting...