The Wasteland (IJL collab)

[Johnny 6-feet]

The Wasteland

Johnny 6-feet

They say war never changes, and that's the golden line
Which cemented the legacy of humanity's whole decline
The fire filled the sky from political complications
And left 99% of us swimming in radiation
But rats abandoned ship; switched it to an iron tub
The underground vaults, the goverment's lion cubs
And so society survived while some were frying above
And for generations survived, crying, trying to love
Some became the subjects of mass experiments
Mutated, enraged, escaped, smashed the evidence
Organisations arose, new brotherhoods felt heavensent
Some were so evil that tried to render the past irrelevent
This is the fallout of a world some 200 years on
Where worst fears are realised and survivors peer from
Vacuum packed bunkers beneath the searing sun
Or from junktowns patched together, protected by fearless guns


The Archetype

Animal-like habits form in a land that's been ravaged
Diet of rodents and cabbage. The average man is now a savage
Shit has gotten bad it's like life ain't worth living
No more chivalry. Save one's self. Fuck women and children
I'm now alone by necessity but been a loner by choice
Survived on my instincts. Forgot the tone of my voice
No need for a companion. My handgun is always there
Don't want to share. Water and food is getting scarce
I need to wash my hair. This grime of mine's like a fly magnet
Surrounded by death and disease. It seems it's running rampant
No mom, no dad, no home. I've been forced to go nomadic
No where to go. No hope. This radio show's static
Weather beaten. Skin leather. I'm feeling parched
Where am I sleeping? Start thinking. It's getting dark
Any town I creep in... won't keep me. I bear the marks
Of The Exiled. So I'll sleep in abandoned cars
Have to doze lightly. Of my surrounding's I'm aware
Eyelids shut. Pop up. I think that something's there...


P. Mortuus

I'm a peerless one- no peers near here they gone
blown- shot- stoned- they rot; can't stop what's on
acidic needles held by feeble hands- tensed glands
the feeble cower as the meek ran- the strong damned
baby give me a fix- Charon's missing let me sleep till I awake
it's too late; the world's on fire- no where's safe from hate
scorched spiders- a web of radiation pulls tighter
lulled head's lighter- a lighter for light and the monsters a fright
armed with a toothpick; I've saved a few caps
gonna buy me a gun- and blow a few caps
Dad's missing- I'm gonna go find him
lights dim and I'm trying to break the binding
the door rolls open- at the station with freaks
snarls, weapon cocked- and it starts to speak.


Smokajoka

"Leave here at once!!!", I cover behind debris and fire away
Headshots, abdomens exposed, as I duck and sway past expired prey
The smoke clears and I see a beast unlike any I've ever witnessed
Adding new enemies to my hitlist in this world left with misfits
Going with no real objective except survival of the fittest
But this is a creature that appears to be from another dimension
A head with bullhorns, 6 legs, black eyes, and praying mantis pincers
It appears blind but lunges at me headfirst as if it has sensors
I roll out of the way, and fire away, but it's armored shell protects it
Shit's hectic, it swings an arm at me and the side of my neck's slit
It's not a fatal wound, but could kill me if I don't make this quick
Empty my clip in it's legs, and it loses it's balance...the ground shakes as it hits
Pulling out my knife I rush onto the beast's abdomen to make my kill
Raising my arm up to stab it's head, a pincer wraps around my own abdomen
We're at a standstill....



To be continued.

link 1- http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...908/index.html

link 2- http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/foru...c-5/index.html

[thatKidB]

1st verse. thought it was good. flowed good too me. the wording/imagery was there for me. woulda been better if longer, but i just noticed its a collab. like reading a small short story to me

2nd verse. flowed nice as well. the imagery was a little stronger to me then 6-feet's to me. enjoyed it.

3rd verse. liked this too. too me, was able to pack alot in, especially for having short lines.

4th verse. thought the image it gave was the strongest to me. helped i used to watch sci-fi flicks. flowed nice like the other 3 verses.

overall I'd give this a 8.5/10. one of the best topic rhymes I've read in this open mic since I been here. thought all three, I ain't know, meshed well to me too

[Phil Deez]

what can i say. this piece was fire. most people can't make stuff flow if its just to guys. but 4 guys writing the same story adding a twist on each verse but it coming out pretty much the same. kudos to the 4 of you. job well done. i will say i enjoyed P. Mortuus verse more. i just stood out to me. and i thought SJ verse at some points the lines were a little streched. maybe it was how i was reading it. but all in all sick drop guys.

[Ntalek]

Haven't seen a collab from the crew in a while but this was cool to kina build up on if you're going to continue the story line i'd just said up the anny on the next one..out of all the verse's I like Johnny's and smokas the most..they had a great build up effect to them...I also like arch's verse... although i'd have to say i liked baron's verse the least for some odd reason..maybe it's just rust or something...but it wasn't the usual witty baron and some of the rhyme schemes used in his verse were a bit simple..I totally dig the concept though and thought you guys did a great job as far as beginning a series type drop...so props on that and I want in on the next one so let me know when it's getting done..other than that good job cool drop..

[The Archetype]

thanks for the feed

[Johnny 6-feet]

come on guys, drop some feedback and leave a link. we'll get you one back.

[sir headless]

Hey,

a really nice collaboration, keep it that way with those nice flowin lines and the topic is also cool. I wrote a lot like this by myself.

Keep it goin

[P. Mortuus]

yup.

[KnowP]

If i was new to this site, i could tell off tops that yall were the experienced crew. This joint was extremely organized and wasnt directionless. Everyones piece flowed right into the next and the topic kept my attention like a woman with a wet tee on.

Johnny, you captured the intro perfectly and executed the scene with precision.

Arch, i didnt know you could write as well as you battled. That was nice to see. it got kinda choppy near the end but I understood why once i read P.Mortus verse.

P.Mort, you brought the emotion of the event and made it seem like freeze-frame meets projector. i was thinking about that game Resistance on PS3 when i was readin your joint.

Smoka, you pissed me off with that closer dog. I was engaged in the confrontation you produced and then it was like the disc was scratched and the movie froze! You did an amazing job.

Overall...EPIC! I have nothing bad to say. Im noming this joint asap! Great job IJL!

*throws a red rose on the stage*

no homo

[SmokaJoka]

appreciate it dude...if you have anything you've dropped leave a link

[KnowP]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...380/index.html

BAM!

[Verbal Hologram]

i thought this was actually a pretty damn good drop ya'll. Everyone dropped consistent and had some good lines scattered throughout. The topic was unique and you all dropped on point......these were the best lines from each verse imo.

Johnny 6-feet

They say war never changes, and that's the golden line
Which cemented the legacy of humanity's whole decline

And so society survived while some were frying above
And for generations survived, crying, trying to love

Organisations arose, new brotherhoods felt heavensent
Some were so evil that tried to render the past irrelevent


The Archetype

Animal-like habits form in a land that's been ravaged
Diet of rodents and cabbage. The average man is now a savage

I'm now alone by necessity but been a loner by choice
Survived on my instincts. Forgot the tone of my voice

I need to wash my hair. This grime of mine's like a fly magnet
Surrounded by death and disease. It seems it's running rampant

P. Mortuus

I'm a peerless one- no peers near here they gone
blown- shot- stoned- they rot; can't stop what's on

acidic needles held by feeble hands- tensed glands
the feeble cower as the meek ran- the strong damned

baby give me a fix- Charon's missing let me sleep till I awake
it's too late; the world's on fire- no where's safe from hate


Smokajoka


"Leave here at once!!!", I cover behind debris and fire away
Headshots, abdomens exposed, as I duck and sway past expired prey

A head with bullhorns, 6 legs, black eyes, and praying mantis pincers
It appears blind but lunges at me headfirst as if it has sensors

I roll out of the way, and fire away, but it's armored shell protects it
Shit's hectic, it swings an arm at me and the side of my neck's slit

It's not a fatal wound, but could kill me if I don't make this quick
Empty my clip in it's legs, and it loses it's balance...the ground shakes as it hits

good drop ya'll...keep it up.

peace

[The Archetype]

wow... someone needs to clean up OM... lol

[The Archetype]

and last time i'm upping this for feed...

[143]

Definately this collab was on point

j6f.....

You opened the collab with precision. nice set up with the wordplay.

The fire filled the sky from political complications
And left 99% of us swimming in radiation
But rats abandoned ship; switched it to an iron tub
The underground vaults, the goverment's lion cubs
And so society survived while some were frying above
And for generations survived, crying, trying to love


was my fave here. really set the tone for the rest


t.a....

I like how when you came in and took the overview and made it personal as if you were one of these people. Fuckin' dope with the worplay and multies.

Shit has gotten bad it's like life ain't worth living
No more chivalry. Save one's self. Fuck women and children
I'm now alone by necessity but been a loner by choice
Survived on my instincts. Forgot the tone of my voice
No need for a companion. My handgun is always there
Don't want to share. Water and food is getting scarce
I need to wash my hair. This grime of mine's like a fly magnet
Surrounded by death and disease. It seems it's running rampant


This here I'm like "shit I don't want to see this nigga!" then you pass the ball and P picks it up...


p.mort..........

First off the back he comes in with the collabs strongest wordplay that brings another perspective to the topic. I don't if its a prisoner angle or someone who is just a captive but the movement from awareness to escapism from the multies and imagery was seemless. i felt that this was the most influential verse of the collab. leaves the set up for Smoka to end it....

I'm a peerless one- no peers near here they gone
blown- shot- stoned- they rot; can't stop what's on
acidic needles held by feeble hands- tensed glands
the feeble cower as the meek ran- the strong damned


this jsut capped the topic for the ending I thought.


Smoke....


Like he was the Terminator. the first line is the tie that connects all the verses. The movement of the battle throughout the verse was the storytelling that I was looking for sitting back going, "someone gotta drop some storytelling or the collab is just verses"
Then to come to a conclusion that it was a stalemate is the perfect ending.....

I roll out of the way, and fire away, but it's armored shell protects it
Shit's hectic, it swings an arm at me and the side of my neck's slit
It's not a fatal wound, but could kill me if I don't make this quick
Empty my clip in it's legs, and it loses it's balance...the ground shakes as it hits
Pulling out my knife I rush onto the beast's abdomen to make my kill
Raising my arm up to stab it's head, a pincer wraps around my own abdomen
We're at a standstill....



OVERALL: 9.9/10


please feed on my drop

mind of state

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...979/index.html