Machines playing the rhythm of my heart
my soul tattered crying for justice
loved ones claiming I'm dead inside
bickering between my life or my death
listening how people really feel
never something I wanted to experience.
my mother's tone, "I always knew he'd end up dead"
Father grabbing my hand squeezing my skin,
never been a praying man until now
"God..can you hear me when I scream?"
my thoughts are caged inside of my skull
How is it that the people who once rejected me
are now the ones in charge of deciding my fate
Pictures fly through my mind,
graduation..wedding..first child
I can hear my wife's voice;
"It should've been me."
no baby it's supposed to me
take care of the baby, and don't forget about me
Baby sisters cries deafen my ears
but their laugh is my favorite song
I just want to reach up and touch their faces
one last time.
They whisper to against my cheek
"we love you big brother"
And that strikes a nerve in my heart
Controlling mother demands for the doctor
God, allow me to show some semblance of life
that's all I ask of you, or atleast
let me hear my baby's cry or laugh,
or feel the love of my life's peck on my cheek.
remembering the proposal and her screaming
"FUCK YES"
If I die tonight
atleast my last thoughts are of her.
I smell her raspberry soaked skin
hovering over my forehead
her lips pressing against my dry
skin.
She's the one who's supposed to save me
and as soon as her lips collide with my calm skin
my heart rate jolts up,
the machine goes wild, doctors rush in
Yelling, crying, her hands stayed on mine
the entire time, making sure I stayed with her
God, her voice is incredible.
"He's meant to be alive!"
Doctors beating down my chest,
injecting the needles into my veins
controlling my seizing body.
Barely alive but I'm hanging on dearly.
My eyelids shoot open, but it's all a blur
I open my mouth but nothing comes out
but I don't even
care.
Because, I'm fucking alive.
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